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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Darling.x Offline
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Question Confused... - November 3rd 2012, 11:51 PM

As you can see from the title, I am kind of confused.

There is this girl called Amy in my class who does not speak to anyone. I assumed she had problems communicating cause she is deaf, however, I have seen her speaking on the phone and she actually speaks out loud to answer questions in class. But, she does not speak to anyone else. I have said hello to her a few times and she has always replied. However, when I ask her how she is, she says she's fine then does not say anything else. She does not continue a conversation so when she does not do this, it becomes quite awkward.

When I am working, she stares at me and my friends, Louise, Beccy and Alicia. When I acknowledge that she is staring, she smiles at me. My other friends have mentioned the same problem, to do with her staring.

On Friday, when we were working on a group project, she stared at us sometime when we begun speaking and laughing about something. When I went up to my tutor's desk to ask about a book to do with our project, she was even staring at me.

I don't mean to sound mean, but her staring is really freaking me out.

I am just wondering, is there any particular reason she would not speak to anyone in class and why she would constantly stare at me and my friends?
   
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Re: Confused... - November 4th 2012, 12:57 AM

Well since she doesn't seem to have friends, and has problems communicating, maybe staring is the only way she cant actually have a connection with someone. Sure, it may be weird; but shes not doing it for you guys to feel uncomfortable. Those aren't her intentions whatsoever. She is probably doing it because she is trying to make a connection with you guys (even if it means listening to you guys and not speaking: thats still a way to connect herself to your group). I think you should continue to try to talk to her. If she gives one word answers, keep talking to her for a bit, and instead of just walking away, just say "have a good day Amy!". You trying to have a conversation with her will brighten her day even if she doesn't show it and eventually she may actually start participating in these conversations. Earning someone's trust, and trying to be into someones life (even as friends or acquaintances) takes time. So be patent.


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Re: Confused... - November 6th 2012, 01:38 AM

There could be any number of reasons for her acting this way, but I'd say the most likely reasons are that 1) she's shy and doesn't know how to initiate conversation, and/or 2) she doesn't know how to carry on a conversation once it's initiated. Up until a few years ago, I was the type of person who would return greetings, but not initiate greetings. If someone struck up a conversation, I would talk for a minute, then excuse myself. I can't read this person's mind, but for me, it was all about being shy and having moderate social anxiety - I wanted to spend time with people, but I also felt uncomfortable after a while and wanted to "escape" the perceived awkwardness. The best thing anyone could have done for me during that time would have been to reach out to me, and not let my awkwardness change the way they treated me. I really like Chris' idea of initiating conversation, and not just letting things go when she stops talking. You could keep talking for another minute, maybe tell her about your plans for the weekend and ask if she'd like to join you, THEN say, "have a good day," and join your friends. It may take time for her to warm up to you, but if shyness/social anxiety is what's getting in the way, then your consistency will be a HUGE assistance in her effort to connect with people.






   
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