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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Longing for someone I've never met - November 10th 2012, 07:00 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My Mum left my Dad before I was born because he was an alcoholic, took drugs and was violent. I have never met him because lots of professionals have advised my Mum not to get in touch until i'm over 16
She has told me the complete truth about every family or life issue there has been including this, and she is more than happy to talk to me about him although I know it upsets her
I feel depressed every day about this and whenever someone says "Dad", which is multiple times a day, I feel terrible and depressed about it. I really struggled to type it here
I know I cannot see what other people are feeling, but it always seems to me that I am the only person I know that is in my kind of situation that feels so bad about it all the time
There is one particular friend of mine that triggers me about it. Her parents split up ages ago, she lives with her Mum and her Mum is remarried. My friend says that she hates her Dad and even changed her double-barrelled surname to her Mum's new partner's name. I think she has asperger's syndrome, and she doesn't understand or remember when I tell her that I feel upset by what she says.
She even waved the form of her new name in my face and didn't understand why I was kind of crying. I love her to bits but its really difficult and at school every day I feel like hell because everyone always says the 'd' word
I know its not safe to meet him yet but im constantly worrying that he will die before i get to because of his alcoholism and drugs
   
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Re: Longing for someone I've never met - November 11th 2012, 10:11 AM

Hello, I'm sorry you never had the chance to meet your father, it's a very unfortunate thing. Not having a father figure in your life can cause very unstable emotions in a girl. I know what it's like to grow up without a father..my situation is different than yours, but it sucks & it breaks your heart to feel like you're not cared for. So you're not alone in this. A lot of people have to deal with this and it's sad. Just think about this, though. It's sad to grow up without him, but think about how things would be if he were in your life when he had these problems. He would be violent & cause you & your mom more distress then if he weren't there. I'm not saying he was right for leaving, no one should just walk out on their family, but if he was on drugs & was violent that would be the last thing to raise a child around. My stepfather was like this & I've had to deal with a lot of things that a child shouldn't have to. Maybe he's not like this now, who knows? Maybe he's a different person & maybe you will see him again someday, and if you don't he'd be the one missing out on the gift of being a parent. It would be his loss in the end. Message me if you want someone to talk to♥ Hang in there


When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

   
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Re: Longing for someone I've never met - November 11th 2012, 01:17 PM

Thank you <3
xxxx
   
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