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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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entangledmind Offline
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Not sure if I'll be accepted - November 14th 2012, 07:18 AM

My family (Mom and dad) are Christian. So is my boyfriend. I've grown up and a couple of months ago I dedicated my life to God. But I don't know, sometimes I really question all of it.
So spiritually I have no clue where I am. Sometimes I'm just like "Screw it!" While other days I can't sleep because I'm so terrified I'm going to hell without God.
But brushing all that aside I'm reluctant to tell my parents. Because the last time I did, instead of a warm hand on my shoulder or acceptance I had articles and scripture shoved in my face and my continued to try to engage conversation with me. I just wanted them to let me think but they kept pushing stuff in my face and trying to convince me.
And as for my boyfriend. I don't know what to say to him. He already said that if I wasn't saved he'd be okay with that but I don't know what he'll say if I don't believe at all. I love him and I don't want our different faiths to possibly ruin us.
I don't know what to do. Help?


I tell people i'm
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i'm just sad.

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Re: Not sure if I'll be accepted - November 14th 2012, 07:34 AM

First, I'd like to tackle the spirituality aspect of your post. I'm a Christian, and when I was 15, I was all over the place with my spirituality as well. I said I was a Christian, but my lifestyle and mindset didn't really reflect that. I think it's easy to be pulled in different directions at a rapid rate when you're a teenager. We tend to think of religion as a black-and-white concept: either you're saved, or you're not. In a sense, that's correct... but Christians can be drawn closer to God and pull further from God at various points in their lives. I think it's important to really explore your beliefs, and do some research along with prayer/meditation. One idea I used to struggle with was the fear of Hell - the idea that I had to be a "good" Christian in order to avoid eternal damnation. About a year ago, my mindset drastically shifted: instead of being a "good" Christian to avoid Hell, I try to be a BETTER Christian because I love God and understand He has given me everything. Sometimes, these ideas/mindsets don't completely solidify until you're closer to my age (although it's different for everyone - age isn't the only factor!), but many churches seem to suggest that questioning/exploring your faith is a sign of weakness/doubt. There's a difference between doing your research/meditation to find the answers to your questions, and pushing ideas aside out of ignorance/laziness.

Okay, now I'm tackling the relationships with your family members and boyfriend. Unfortunately, many parents tend to think that their children should share their belief systems. My father never flat-out said I was wrong for believing different things (both religious and political), but he would sigh, roll his eyes, and make subtle remarks in an attempt to "prove" that he was right/superior in some way. It was frustrating, but the best way to deal with it was to "smile and nod." Basically, I appeased him on the outside, but on the inside, I held firm to what I believed. That may be what you'll need to do with your parents - when they throw scripture/articles at you, acknowledge their efforts, but once you're alone, determine what all of that means to you. Maybe it will speak to you, or maybe it won't. The same thing goes for your boyfriend. Actually, your boyfriend is probably going to be a lot more understanding, because I'm sure he's questioned certain aspects of his faith from time to time. If he hasn't, then he's probably questioned some other aspect of his identity - whether he's attracted to boys or girls, whether he likes girls of the same race/ethnicity or not, whether he identifies with the ___________ look/style of clothing or not, etc.






   
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entangledmind Offline
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Re: Not sure if I'll be accepted - November 14th 2012, 07:43 AM

So you think I should address my parents concerning my doubts and stuff?


I tell people i'm
tired. But in reality

i'm just sad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-4wU...C66B1A12A9745D


Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted


   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

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Re: Not sure if I'll be accepted - November 14th 2012, 08:14 AM

You know your parents better than any of us, so that decision is entirely up to you. Think about previous experiences with your parents, and how they have reacted. Would they be willing to listen politely and offer some encouraging words regarding your doubts, would they give impersonal responses and throw scripture/articles at you, or would they verbally criticize you for having doubts? See, there are some people in my life that I feel safe confiding in, and there are others that I don't feel safe confiding in. I may want to tell them what I'm thinking/feeling DESPERATELY, but I know the outcome wouldn't be favorable, so I don't do it. If you are almost certain your parents will respond negatively, then I would suggest exploring these doubts with someone else, like your boyfriend or a religious leader who is fairly open to discussing questions about Christianity.






   
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