How can I convince my mum to let me work after school?

[Greenie]

I have a casual job at a large retail store and I usually work Friday nights and weekends, but sometimes I'll get a shift that is from 6.30-10pm when I have school the next day. I don't have to wake up particularly early for school - usually only at 7.30am as I live nearby. Mum has been nagging at me about this for awhile, but lately is constantly threatening and nagging at me to change my availability so I don't get rostered on during school days. I think her old excuse is 'because I get too tired,' but I'm often tired due to other causes (I have a lot of mental health issues that contribute), not entirely because I have worked. All I do at work is tidy up and fold clothes really anyway, it's pretty low-energy and low-stress. I am in year twelve, but I always get my homework done, and usually if i know I have to work I get it done more quickly and efficiently. When exam period starts I will probably cancel all my shifts temporarily, but for now, I'm fine.

She is being so insistent that I hand in the form to change my availability, that she says if I don't she'll fill the form in herself (she forced me to give it to her) and hand it to the front service desk. And she will cancel the two 'Wednesday' shifts they've already given me, which I really need because I'm short on money. Because I'll be 18 on the 29th of April, would she legally be able to do that?

Also, the reason I can't just change my availability so that I can't work school days is because I hardly get any shifts as it is, I'm short on money because I have to pay for some of my own expenses as it is (driving lessons, camp..) and I badly need to earn as much money as possible so that I can become independent and move out away from my crazy family asap after I finish school. Also once I turn 18 I'm going to get even less shifts because I'll be too expensive to pay, and giving my work an even more limited availability isn't going to help.

I don't know what to do to convince my mum, she's extremely controlling and whenever I try to ask 'why' any more she says it is 'not negotiable' or rudely gives her reasons then she won't listen to me when I tell her why those reasons don't apply to me. Work does not interfere with my school or sleep, why must it be so unfair?

[Chris]

Well, my family had a hard time letting me work on school nights too. This is the plan I proposed:

You let me work on school days (within reason), and if my grades drop even one letter grade, than you get to cut down my days in half. If they don't drop down one letter grade, than I get to continue to work.

So make a deal like that (most cases parents wont believe you can fulfill it, so they may go with it). I would also mention that fact that school is over in the next few months, and that you really need the money for those expenses and unless your parents are going to pay for it, you need to be working.

Keep reasoning with your mom, and if in the end she still won't get over it (but I think she will atleast understand where you are coming from) then you have to make a decision: to listen to her, or to keep doing what you are doing currently. Nonetheless, I would keep trying to negotiate with your mom and try to adopt a plan similar to what I listed above.


Best wishes,
Chris

[PSY]

I don't know if your mom could "legally"change your work schedule, as that's something the store manager ultimately creates. Your mom can write down whatever she wants, but the store manager can always disregard that and put down something else instead. I would suggest approaching the store manager and stating that anything without your signature on it should be ignored (and maybe you should consider filling out your schedule while you are at work, vs. taking the chart home with you). What she probably COULD legally do is keep you from going to work, as she is your legal guardian and has the authority to ground you if you don't meet her demands.

I second what Chris said. Validate your mom's concerns, then work out an agreement. If her concerns turn out to be reasonable (ex. your grades drop or you become extremely depressed as a result of the stress), then you will change your work schedule. If you manage to hold everything together, then you get to keep your work schedule.

[Ennui.]

I think that you should sit down and talk to your mother. Let her know that you understand that she may be hesitant to allow you to work on weekdays due to you getting tired a lot and because you are still in school. But, also let her know that maybe she should give you the opportunity to try it before ruling it out completely. You can try to make some sort of compromise with her where you are able to work some of these weekday shifts, but if it starts affecting your schoolwork, you start to lose energy, or your mental health worsens, you will reduce the amount of hours you work again. That way, you will have the opportunity to at least try and work these hours but recognize that if it gets too much for you, you'll have to reduce your hours again.

Legally I'm not sure if she can physically change your hours. Right now you are still a minor so she may be able to prevent you from going to work, but you're going to be a legal adult soon. This is something you can speak with your manager about, and maybe follow some of Robin's suggestions as to approaching the manager and telling them that without your signature, any forms should be disregarded.

I wish you the best!

-Dez