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1924 Offline
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My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 19th 2013, 06:12 AM

my 21 year old sister has to go to jail for a year for a hit and run while driving under influence. She has to go next week. She told me she is going to run away so she doesn't have to go because she is scared and nervous of going. This seems silly to me because I don't know where she will go but it looks like she might be serious and the panic she is showing is definitely genuine. What can I say to talk her out of it, also should I tell my parents? What will they probably do? Some say call the police or ask my parents to call, but I am not sure if I can do that. I am close to her and don't want to betray her you know. If I tell them what could they do?

Is there anything I can say myself to help stop her or convince her not to do this and to just properly report?
   
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Re: My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 19th 2013, 03:13 PM

I'll tell you right now that I have no idea what would yield the best results.
However I don't think that not saying anything to anyone would be a good idea. You should never have to have this responsibility, but since you do.. I suggest trying to talk her out of it by explaining that one year is not a huge sentence (and if there's a possibility that she might get out sooner with good behaviour I'd bring that up too). I would tell her that it's okay to be scared and panicked, because this is a scary thing for her to have to go through, but that running away from this can only make the panic, and the situation, worse. If you can say this truethfully, tell her that she won't be alone, or forgotten in that year, and tell her that you'll visit on a weekly(or something) basis. And that you won't think any differently of her.
Now, as she is rightfully scared of having to go to jail, if you have any suspision that she might want to run away, if you and your sister have an okay relationship with your parents (or one parent) tell them in a way that won't make them freak out. You could say that you know that your sister is very scared and is almost panicked about having to go to jail, she's feeling the natural 'fight or flight' reaction to being in danger and say that she's said that she wishes she could leave this whole situation. You could continue with that, although she understands that she has to go to jail, you're afraid that she'll run away out of fear.
If possible, and you think it right, maybe say something along these lines. I hope I could help a little bit.


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Re: My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 19th 2013, 03:46 PM

Here's the problem:

Your 21 year old Sister, made a mistake. For all intensive purposes, she "fucked up". Now she has to face the consequences. She's damn lucky that it was only a "Hit and Run" and didn't KILL anyone. Drinking and driving under the influence is nothing to "joke" around with, its serious. She can face the jail time now, like a big girl, and probably get out early if she behaves. OR She can become a fugitive of justice. Depending on the State (or country) you live in, this could be a bigger jail time then the charge its self.

If she was out of jail already on a bail and/or bond. Who ever paid for that will lose it, if she doesn't go to court.

Also, if the Court and/or Law Enforcement find out you helped her escaped and kept it a secret, YOU may also be charged and face criminal action.

Your Sister did a STUPID thing and was damn lucky she didn't kill anyone, you need to convince her to go to Jail and face her actions, she was old enough to drink, she was old enough to drive. She is accountable for her actions and she fucked up. If she will not listen tell your parents. Because most likely if she's out on a bail and/or bond, they paid it.

She is better off going to jail, then running away. If she uses a car, the Police can put a out to all Law Enforcement the plate number, and she'll be arrested under a felony stop (Guns drawn.). She will not be able to use a credit card / debit card with her name on it, so to get money she will have to either Steal or commit illegal acts to earn cash. She won't be able to get a job under her real name, because the second they run a background check if they do, they will know she has a Arrest warrant in her name.

again, CONVINCE HER to go, if she will not listen, for her own good, Tell your Parents and if they don't listen, do the best thing and call the Police.


   
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Re: My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 19th 2013, 05:26 PM

Basically what Corrie said. I understand that you care about your sister, but letting her run by not telling anyone she's planning it is not helping her. She made a mistake and she needs to face the consequences or she isn't going to learn and/or she'll be more likely to do the same thing again. If it helps, you can look at it this way: If she runs the consequences for her will be worse and others will pay too, like the person who paid the bond or you if they find out you helped her and you could go to jail for that. You're helping her by convincing her to go or telling someone because you're keeping her from making things worse. No one wants to go to jail, but running away isn't going to solve anything, she needs to understand that.


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Re: My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 19th 2013, 07:02 PM

I am hoping to convince her myself. Any idea on what exactly I should say to help maybe also calm her
   
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Re: My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 20th 2013, 05:10 PM

I don't know how to tell her to calm down, but the best approach would be to tell her that you are afraid she's going to make it worse for herself, expressing your concern is likely to be the best start because she'll know you are afrad for her and be willing to listen. And tell her that by running away she becomes a felon and will face additional charges which will be far worse than a DUI/hit and run. You need to let her know that you understand she is afraid and that jail is a freaky prospect but that you don't want it go get worse for her and that you are there for her but you need her to own up to her mistakes so that she can begin to move past them. Because obviously drinking and driving is reckless and stupid and, like Corrie said, she's lucky no one died when she hit what ever she hit since. That seems to be such a common horror for many people, she could be facing man slaughter charges too and she's not, so she has to try to understand that right at this exact moment things could be worse and that running away will be intentionally making it worse. Yes, its terrifying to worry about how your going to get a job, a credit card, into a university etc. in the long run because this will be on her record, but she has options, she is probably still bondable because I think that only goes away in cases of fraud, theft and maybe assaults. She would probably still be ok for jobs in the vulnerable sector (such as teaching, nursing, working with kids, old people, disabled people etc) because there they mostly only look for whether you've committed assaults, pedophile stuff, rape stuff etc. Yes, it might be harder because her background check WILL show this but it's not necessarily going to screw her over and there are plenty of careers/work places that won't be bothered by it and she can always get a pardon or find a way to work it on resumes.
Regardless she's done what she's done, just try to reassure her and prevent her from making it worse, Tell her that being a felon will make it so much worse.




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Re: My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 21st 2013, 03:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Wallflower~ View Post
I don't know how to tell her to calm down, but the best approach would be to tell her that you are afraid she's going to make it worse for herself, expressing your concern is likely to be the best start because she'll know you are afrad for her and be willing to listen. And tell her that by running away she becomes a felon and will face additional charges which will be far worse than a DUI/hit and run. You need to let her know that you understand she is afraid and that jail is a freaky prospect but that you don't want it go get worse for her and that you are there for her but you need her to own up to her mistakes so that she can begin to move past them. Because obviously drinking and driving is reckless and stupid and, like Corrie said, she's lucky no one died when she hit what ever she hit since. That seems to be such a common horror for many people, she could be facing man slaughter charges too and she's not, so she has to try to understand that right at this exact moment things could be worse and that running away will be intentionally making it worse. Yes, its terrifying to worry about how your going to get a job, a credit card, into a university etc. in the long run because this will be on her record, but she has options, she is probably still bondable because I think that only goes away in cases of fraud, theft and maybe assaults. She would probably still be ok for jobs in the vulnerable sector (such as teaching, nursing, working with kids, old people, disabled people etc) because there they mostly only look for whether you've committed assaults, pedophile stuff, rape stuff etc. Yes, it might be harder because her background check WILL show this but it's not necessarily going to screw her over and there are plenty of careers/work places that won't be bothered by it and she can always get a pardon or find a way to work it on resumes.
Regardless she's done what she's done, just try to reassure her and prevent her from making it worse, Tell her that being a felon will make it so much worse.

I think she is panicking more at the prospect of being locked up rather than what comes after
   
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Re: My sister is saying she will run away to avoid going to jail should I tell someone? - May 21st 2013, 08:29 PM

Okay, so your sister clearly lacks the ability to think about long-term consequences for her actions (hence the drinking and driving). If she's more worried about going to jail now than about the consequences later, talk to her about what WILL happen now if she DOESN'T go to jail now. As Corrie said, they will hunt your sister down. She will be a fugitive, and when they catch her (because unless your sister is incredibly careful and clever, she WILL get caught), they WILL give her a harsher sentence. Instead of one year, she could be facing several years. If you're not willing to talk to an adult about what your sister plans to do, then show her what her two immediate options are. Again, these are not long-term things... these are her two options, right now. She can either serve a year (or possibly less, if she behaves well) in jail, or run away, get caught soon afterward, and serve even more time in jail. As scared as she is of having to serve one year in jail, she's bound to be even MORE scared of police officers chasing her around the country in order to put her in jail for even LONGER.

On another note, if your parents bailed your sister out of jail, then I THINK they can revoke the bail any time they want, which will force your sister to go back to jail immediately. Of course, the trick is whether or not to warn your sister this might be done. If you do it without warning, she'll be picked up by police officers and won't have a chance to run away; however, these sneaky tactics will probably hurt your relationship with your sister. On the other hand, if you warn her you'll revoke her bail if she doesn't stay, then she may become even more panicky and run away, before your parents can do anything to stop her. Honestly, I think it may be best to come together as a family and decide what the best course of action is. If your sister actually DOES run away, and your parents find out you knew she was considering it and didn't tell them, it could hurt your relationship with your parents. That, in addition to losing your sister, would probably be pretty devastating.





   
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