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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Thorn Offline
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I am so f***ing sick of living here (the megarant) - May 26th 2013, 04:05 PM

This rant has been a long, long time coming. I'm a 19 year old female, and live with my mum, my two sisters (who are 17 and 16), and my brother (who is 14). I am honestly beyond fed up with living here. I don't really even know where to begin this rant because there is just so much that's pissing me off. This is going to me a VERY LOOOOOONNNGGGGG post, so I don't imagine that anyone will actually read all of it. Feel free to skip the 'The general state of the house' section, and skim read the rest if you want to offer advice. I don't really know if there is anything I can do other than feel miserable/ angry all the time and count down the years 'til I can move out though...

Complete lack of privacy
One of the things which annoys me the most about living here is the complete lack of privacy. I share a room with both of my sisters, and they (and my mum) will think nothing of bursting into the room without warning, even if I am getting changed or whatever. Apparently no one in this family has the decency to knock before entering a room (unless they want to go into my brother's room). I get virtually no time alone in the room, as my sisters are pretty much ALWAYS in there. I posted another thread in the 'sex and puberty' sub-forum on the subject of masturbation - I'm often forced to go days or even weeks without doing it because of the lack of privacy, which makes me very sexually frustrated and irritable, and worsens my mood. I won't mention any more about that here because I've mentioned enough about it in the other thread. The lack of privacy in general just makes me feel insane - a 'cabin fever' sort of feeling. I'm very, very introverted and NEED my personal space and some time alone each day for my own emotional/ psychological well-being. But this house is so damn crowded and my siblings are so annoying that I don't really get that. University is finished for the summer now, and my siblings will be on their school summer holidays in just over a month. It has been ridiculous enough with both my sisters being on study leave for exams at the moment, but add in my brother to the mix + the fact that everyone will be here constantly (with no going away to exams), unless they're out with friends or whatever....I honestly think I'm going to bat shit insane. I've been trying to think of as many ways as I can to get out of the house and away from them - going cycling for hours at a time, walking the dog, trying to find a job/ volunteer job, etc. I honestly don't know how much longer I can endure living here with the lack of privacy and personal space, and all of the other things that I'm about to mention. I will have to live here for at least another 5 years. But because I have severe social anxiety disorder (and therefore have no friends to flat share with, and will find actually obtaining a job EXTREMELY difficult) it's likely to be a lot longer than that. I honestly don't know how I'm going to endure it.

The general state of the house

The conservatory
This isn't really anything to do with my family members, but the house that we share is falling apart. The conservatory was never built right and is completely covered in cracks - both inside and outside. I think it's actually slowly sinking into the ground as well, because the foundations weren't done properly. My parents took the builders to court because of this and eventually got some compensation, but it wasn't nearly enough, so we're now left with a damaged conservatory which is absolutely freezing in winter because it's not properly insulated, and is like a greenhouse in summer - it's often much warmer in there than it is outside, and it's sometimes even too hot to study in there. Our asshole neighbours (who I will speak about later) threw a lit sparkler (the firework stick things) onto the roof on the conservatory when they first moved in, so there's also a fairly large, very visible burn-mark on the roof, which will further devalue the property if my mum eventually decides to sell the place once everyone has moved out.

The bathroom/ wet rot
Thankfully, the bathroom has now been refurbished, but it was a complete mouldy mess before, with a glass door (and hence even less privacy). The wet rot of the bathroom has spread quite a bit. Thankfully, the builders have treated it so it hopefully won't spread anymore, but it's a bit too late for that, since a large part of the ceiling in my brother's room has collapsed. This means that most of his stuff has been moved to the conservatory, where it now takes up most of the space. It was also put right on top of my uni textbooks (I was still using them at the time), so now one of them is rather crinkled.

Our room (me and my sisters)
In the 'girls' bedroom', there is nowhere near enough storage space for the three of us. The wardrobes and drawers are filled to bursting capacity and we don't(or at least me and my youngest sister don't) even have that much stuff. The wardrobes are crappy and falling apart, and they're probably as old as me. My mum says that she hopes to eventually get us one big, proper built-in wardrobe that will be able to store everything efficiently. But of course, that costs a considerable amount of money, which don't really have at the moment (especially because the bathroom and toilet were just done up). The carpet that's in our ('the girls') bedroom has been there since we moved to the house (which was nearly 18 years ago, back when I was an only child) and is disgusting. It's covered in my sister's makeup, lipstick, even CHEWING GUM that my sister left there, and goodness knows what other crap. It's coming away from the walls and curling up, but again...we lack the money to get a new one. The floor in our room always squeaks when you walk on it, which can be very annoying late at night. As for space in the room - each of us only has a third of the room, which is enough space for our beds, and then a tiny area to the side of/ in front of them, and that's it. Patches of the wallpaper have peeled/ been torn off. We still have the old light in there which is designed for young kids, but again, we lack the money to get a new one. The bookshelf in our room is tiny and falling apart. I can't even fit most of my books on it, nor can we fit all of the DVDs/ games/ whatever that we all own on it. My sisters' DVDs take up 2 and half of the shelves (there are only 5). The bookshelf is so old and tatty - and the door of the room is always slamming against it when my brother and youngest sister fight like toddlers - that I actually envision it collapsing sometime soon. The shelves are all curved from the weight of the books/ DVDs. So we need a new bookshelf but...You guessed it...no money. Speaking of the door to our room, it doesn't even close because the handle is broken. This means constant noise from elsewhere in the house (it was really bad when the workmen were in - they made a complete racket and we couldn't even close the door to dull it down a bit). It also lets the light from the downstairs hall in at night (my brother is 14 years old, yet he still can't sleep without the light on), which makes it more difficult for me to fall asleep (something that I always find very difficult as it is). I also sleep right next to the window. It used to let in a terrible draught, but thankfully it was replaced and isn't so bad now. It can still get very cold in the winter though (sometimes so cold that I can't sleep even with 2 duvets, a dressing gown, and thick socks on. The window also acts as an amplifier for outside noise in our street, so I regularly get kept up/ woken up by our chavvy neighbours when they fight/ get back from the pub at 1am.

The living room
Thankfully, there isn't much wrong with this room, but the old sofa and the two old armchairs - which my parents got them as a wedding gift (they got married like 24 years ago) - are falling apart. The springs in them are wrecked/ missing, so when you sit on them, so you have to lean to one side. I have quite a bad back, and this can sometimes make it worse.

The kitchen
We've recently had an ant infestation in the kitchen. We had to take all of the food out of the cupboards and put ant powder down. Even after that, we still get like 10-20 ants a day coming into our kitchen, crawling all over the counter/ cooker/ floor. We even had a slug fall off the extractor fan as my mum was cooking dinner. Thankfully it didn't land in our dinner but it was mere inches away. Disgusting. The tap in the kitchen is always breaking (it'll break like once every couple of months), and the last couple of washing machines that we had broke (yet more money down the drain). The last 2 washing machines that we had also put holes in most of our thinnest clothes (e.g. cardigans, tights). More money wasted! Yaaay! :/ The kitchen is also constantly a complete mess, which brings me on to...

The complete lack of cleanliness
Almost every room in the house looks as if a bomb hit it. Everyone just throws their shoes/bags/ jackets whatever all over the living room, so it's usually a mess. My brother will leave empty packets of food, as well as cups, dished, cutlery, etc in his room for WEEKS before bringing them back through to be washed (by which time a rare, undiscovered species of bacteria has started growing on them). It's just fucking disgusting. My sister leaves empty packets of crisps/ crackers/ chocolate on her drawer (which is inches away from my head when I sleep) for weeks at a time. When I ask her to move them, she usually just ignores me or shouts/ swears at me. Probably part of the reason why we have an ant problem atm is that no one (other than me and mum) actually cleans the kitchen when they're supposed to. The means that the cooker is usually covered in spilt food, and the floor is usually covered in crumbs (unless the dog happens to eat them). The kitchen counters...I don't even....it's unbelievable. No one (other than me and mum) actually thinks to clean them if they spill something (and they always do). So often, they're completely covered in spilt milk, crumbs, large amounts of grated cheese that apparently didn't make it to the bowl, 2 carrots' worth of carrot peelings (just sitting there), dirty plates/ pots/ pans/ mugs that no one apparently had the initiative to move the the sink area, etc, etc, etc. If you were disgusting/ desperate enough, you could probably make an entire meal from the amount of tidbits of food left behind. My siblings don't clean up after themselves at all. It's like they/re babies - incapable of doing anything themselves.

Housework not getting done/ lack of discipline
I was so sick of my siblings contributing nothing (or very, very little) to the housework - and watching my poor mum do it all - that I came up with a housework rota for us all. But they still refuse to do it. My mum has to literally SCREAM at my brother, or switch the router off (so he can't play xbox online) so that he will actually do the dishes. And even then, he usually does them as quickly as possible, so many of them are still filthy . I'm honestly surprised he hasn't given us all food poisoning yet. It's not like I asked a lot of them with the housework rota - all they have to go is wash/ dry the dishes and empty the bin a couple of times a week. But even then, they usually don't do it. And the worst part is that my mum doesn't discipline them for not doing the housework. She just does it herself and they get away with it. So they get paid 10 a week each to do nothing as disrespect my mum. Especially my brother. He gets away with murder when it comes to the housework and he's turning into a spoilt little shit as a result. He can hardly do anything for himself - I'd be mildly surprised if he could even make himself a sandwich. It makes me mad to see my mum letting them away with it and doing the housework herself, but she just gets mad at me if I mention it to her. It drives me insane. I get punished for trying to help/ look out for her, and my siblings get away with everything. They are all old enough to be doing most things (if not everything) for themselves, yet it seems that my mum wants to treat us all like babies. Dunno why this is.

The state of our room
Our room is constantly in a complete mess thanks to my 'middle' sister. It's been that way for years and years...there have been times when I've gotten so fed up with it that I've actually spent 3 days tidying the whole thing myself, only to have her completely mess it back up again a couple of days later (and she didn't even say so much as a 'thank you' to me after I wasted 3 days of my life tidying all of HER crap, on multiple occasions. My parents simply can't discipline her. My mum usually just tidies the room for her as well (and of course, it's messed up again within days). Usually if I, my mum, or my dad ask her to tidy the room, she just shouts at us/ insults us and refuses. She's used invalid excuse as to invalid excuse over the last 10 years or so as to why she can't tidy it. She can't even take responsibility for her mess or tidy it. She's 17 years old and she acts like a little child. It pisses me off. I'm sick of living in a rubbish heap. She'll actually shove her crap under my bed as well, and she leaves makeup wipes/ dirty laundry everywhere. Disgusting.

Actually...that'll do for just now. I'm actually tired and have a headache after writing all of that. I'll write the rest later. In the mean time, if anyone could give any advice, that would be great. Thanks.
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Re: I am so f***ing sick of living here (the megarant) - May 26th 2013, 09:15 PM

Oh boy! Well, first of all, I am so sorry you have to live with these horrible conditions. Yes, some people might say, "At least you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach," but honestly, with these conditions, I'm surprised no one has gotten seriously ill yet and had to go to the hospital for treatment.

I have lived with many a messy roommate/suitemate, and unfortunately, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Your siblings won't straighten up until they're faced with serious consequences... and your parents are the only ones in any position to issue such consequences. The same goes with repairs. For example, instead of giving your spoiled siblings allowances they haven't earned, your parents could take that money and put it toward saving up for repairs. Again, that is something only they have the power to do.

Other than talking to your parents about your concerns and offering suggestions in a calm, loving manner, as well as working as earnestly as you can toward financial independence, I'm not sure there's much you can do on your own. There's a lot you CAN'T control, so start focusing on the things you CAN control. You CAN do your best in university/work in order to ensure good employment opportunities open up in the future. You CAN distract yourself from your current situation in order to improve your mental well-being (whether that means physically leaving the house for a period of time, or using healthy coping mechanisms at home in order to block out what's happening - ex. praying/meditating, listening to music/reading/drawing/writing, exercising). You CAN think more positive thoughts ("This won't last forever," "Eventually I'll get a job and be able to move out," "I can friends I can spend time with," etc.). If something isn't the way you want it to be, and you have the power to change it, then you CAN take steps to improve your situation (for example, making a point of joining clubs/organizations in your area in order to meet new people and eventually make friends). No one can promise you it will be easy, but sometimes, even the smallest things can make a huge difference for your mood.

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