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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Fight with Mum? - June 8th 2013, 08:01 AM

Yesterday I had just been told that my mum is 14 weeks pregnant. I am 16 and have no younger siblings on my mothers side. I flipped, I don't know why, I just got angry, words were said, what I didn't mean and I made my mum cry. She then shouted that this was her second chance, to have a child that wouldn't be like me, that wouldn't be weird, that wouldn't have messed up there life. I stormed out of the room and my mum told me to pack my bags and get out. I ignored her and stayed in my room. Today everything is really tensed, she refuses to talk to me and if she does, she gives me a yes or no. I tried to say sorry but she ignores me. I don't know what to do.
   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 8th 2013, 01:48 PM

I don't really know what happened with your mum or what you said but sometimes it's better to just let people be angry. When we're angry we don't listen and when we don't listen it means we're not able to understand.

Leave her to cool off and when you feel she's calmed down, try and speak to her then. If you feel talking to her could be hard, then here's something I do with my mum: Write her a letter.

If I find talking about something is hard then I write it down on paper, seal it an an envelope or a makeshift one, put it somewhere like on her keyboard or where she likes drawing, anywhere I know she'll definitely see it and then I leave it there and go do something else. By doing this it allows me to express myself without words being spoken verbally. I'm not sure if it'll help but it's worth a go.
   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 8th 2013, 11:26 PM

I think that maybe you should give her a bit of time to calm down and process the situation. When people are angry words fly that we don't mean, and maybe that caused her to say what she did just like it caused you to say what you did. Both of you probably need some time to calm down, then the two of you can sit down and work out the situation together. Give her time and then approach her. Let her know you're sorry for saying what you did and that you didn't mean it, then ask to work things out. Or, do what Sarah said and write her a letter if you think that this would be easier for you, but it's important you get out your feelings. Maybe in the meantime you can also try to do things to get you back on her good side, like help around the house a bit.

But, communication is definitely important after a cool-down period.

I hope all goes well!

-Dez


   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 11th 2013, 01:38 PM

My mums still angry and we are still not talking, i don't know what to do. I've tried to letter writing and it didn't work, she read it but then threw it away. When we were arguing, the exact words I said are "You couldn't look after a baby, look at me, you gave me to a fucking child abuser" I apologized about what I said, but the longest sentence I have gotten out of her is "You were a difficult child Becky, I couldn't handle your behavior, where as your father seemed to discipline you" I don't know what to do anymore. I can't apologize anymore because at the end of the day, I'm not the only one in the wrong. Shes blaming me for being abused, she says its my fault my dad hit me. I'm not the only one in the wrong, but she says I am.
   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 11th 2013, 02:30 PM

I know it's not what you want to hear, but she's your mum and she also has feelings. If you said that to her I can understand why she'd be hurt because it makes it sound like you're effectively blaming her for whatever happened with your father.

I've said a lot of things to my mum in the past. I've been really angry and blamed her for a lot of things to the point where she just outright refused to speak to me and it really hurt. The hardest thing to do is take a step back and realise and accept that we are th ones in the wrong and to ensure and keep ensuring our mum's know this.

This is where you have a chance to build on the relationship you have with your mum, and you may even get a brother or a sister. Support your mum, try to accept that she is having a child and allow her to raise the child and do it alongside her.

Your mum does love you, she's just upset and needs time and space.
   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 11th 2013, 03:09 PM

My mum knew my dads past, he had his first 3 children taken away from him Social Services, and she knew this when she granted him full custody. She said right to my face that I was a bad child who had bad behavior and deserved to be abused. She said I deserved every beating, that I deserved everything that happened, because I was a bad kid and I know she means it. She means it because she wasn't angry when she said it, she just stared at me blankly and told me what she thinks. I admit what I said was wrong, but even now she says she meant every word. So why am I still in the wrong? At least I apologized, she didn't apologize, she just told me she meant every word. I don't see why people are blaming me, when I apologized, she didn't and she keeps on telling me these things. She keeps telling me this baby will be better, she keeps telling me that I deserved what my dad done. How am I in the wrong, when I have tried to make it up?

Last edited by Viper1996; June 11th 2013 at 03:10 PM. Reason: wrong spelling.
   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 11th 2013, 04:23 PM

PM'd you.
   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 12th 2013, 05:22 AM

Ouch. :/ i think you should try to give her some time, I'm sure she didn't mean what she said to you, just as you didn't mean what you said to her. Giver her a couple of days, until she's not so upset, and sincerely apologize to her.

I also read your replies, I'm really sorry that all of this happend to you, but you said that she said that she wasn't the ONLY one at fault (In the argument) , which I'm sure is true.

Also, i don't think your mom was trying to blame you for being abused, things just got out of hand. just give her some time, it'll be okay.


-Michelle


Keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing, and there's so much to smile about. -Marilyn Monroe
   
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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 12th 2013, 06:50 AM

You were angry when this happened, so I don't blame you at all for any of that happened. I'm sure your mom said things that she didn't mean either, like the part where she kicked you out. Remember that she is not only your mother now, but she is a hormonal pregnant woman who is probably scared and nervous of what might happen. That, along with a hormonal teenager, could cause some unwanted conflict in the house. I would suggest you just wait another day or two to give her a chance to cool down, then I think you should sit down in front of her and apologize. Not only that, but say WHAT you're sorry for and how you really feel about her having a baby. I'm guessing you're also quite nervous as well, since you're going to have a sibling that is 16 years younger than you are. That would make anybody nervous. Speak to her about your feelings and I'm sure that you two can work this out Goodluck!


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Re: Fight with Mum? - June 12th 2013, 08:08 AM

I'm more scared for my mum then me. She doesn't deal with stress well which is why she gave me to my dad and I'm scared for the baby. If she can't deal with the baby, the only two options are me taking care of it or the baby will go into foster care. I've been in foster care, I have had good foster carers but some of them were bad and with babies, the home they are placed in, can be unpredictable as I know my mum won't consent to the baby being adopted.
   
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