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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Iloveliam Offline
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Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 20th 2013, 03:11 PM

I think one of my 2 besties is hidding somthing from me becuse we will be texting and she will say brb I'm doing somthing or somthing like that and then like minute latter she will say kk I'm back and I will say kool whT u do?? And she will say EVRYTIME ummmmmm.....NVM and I will ushley say ok? And then she will get all mad at me and evrything so this morning I called her and talked about it with her and she hung up on me so I called her again and I asked about it agin and she hung up on me agin and now she said she's not going to come over today I feel like she is hidding somthing from me and latley he has been going away from me and hanging out with her other friends should I worry about this I feel like I should?? Please help me

Last edited by PSY; June 20th 2013 at 09:35 PM. Reason: Moved thread to the Friends and Family forum.
   
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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 20th 2013, 03:32 PM

Well, I think this is in the wrong forum, but...

Don't smother her so much. It feels tough to you, but having someone asking you what you do every time you stop texting, not to mention becoming jealous when they're spending time with their other friends, can be very irritating at times.

I'd give her some space, and let her cool off, then see where you stand. But don't interrogate her about her life; even the best of friends can get tired of one another.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 20th 2013, 09:49 PM

I've moved your thread to the Friends and Family forum, since this is about a friendship (vs. a romantic relationship).

As Anna said, sometimes people can feel overwhelmed or suffocated when their loved ones ask too many questions. How many questions is "too much" is subjective, of course, so you need to learn to read the signs. If your friend is always responding with, "Ummmmmm.. NVM," then it could mean one of two things. Either she wants more space, or she's messing around with you (trying to get attention by making you curious about what she does).

If it's the first option (she wants more space), then I would give that to her... and after some time has passed, it might not hurt to have a brief and non-accusatory conversation with her about communication. If she doesn't want you asking so many questions, then she needs to verbalize her needs, instead of just hanging up on you! If she verbalizes her needs, then you won't have to do so much guesswork or "mind-reading," and you'll both be happier as a result.

If it's the second option (she's messing around with you), then I'd treat it similarly to the first option. Stop asking her about what she does or where she goes. In fact, I'd very much go in the OPPOSITE direction, without being rude toward the friend. When she comes back after being gone for a minute or two, just resume the conversation without acknowledging that she was gone (ex. instead of saying, "Welcome back, what were you doing?" just talk about whatever it was you were talking about earlier, or start talking about something else). Don't even acknowledge that she was away for a minute or two ("welcome back"). If she starts asking things like, "Aren't you curious about what I was doing?" then that could be a sign she's craving attention and wants you to show interest in her by asking those sorts of questions. Don't give in! You could say something like, "Well, since you hung up on me the last time I asked, I'm assuming it's none of my business and you don't want me to ask questions," then either see how she responds or continue to talk about other things.






   
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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 21st 2013, 06:05 AM

I've heard a nice quote in the TV Show Supernatural, and it goes like this -
"Your my brother, I'd take a bullet for you, but some things I just need to keep to myself."
I'm sure she feels the same way.


What lies ahead is unknown. However, in some times, I've sighted several smooth pavements. I myself am the mender of roads, and it is with these we work on.
   
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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 21st 2013, 07:02 AM

I'm sorry but she doesn't need to tell you everything about her life. You may be best friends but that doesn't mean you get to know every little detail, there may be personal things she doesn't want to tell. Just lay low for a while and stop trying to pry info she doesn't feel like giving out. Best of luck.
   
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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 21st 2013, 07:42 PM

We all want a bit of privacy... It's not your fault that you want to know because she/he is your bestie but they need their space just like you do. Someday, they'll want to tell you and then they will. You've also got to understand that friendships at this age do not last forever so s/he might drift away from you and you shouldn't hold them back too much or else they might just resent you a little. Sorry... But they'll always be there for you. If they're going then at least leave on a happy note...
   
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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 21st 2013, 11:33 PM

I agree, if I am texting with someone and they have to say brb and then show back up I wouldn't think it was for anything I needed to know about... it's just prying into their privacy a little to much and you don't need to know the minute details of peoples lives, they're usually just going to have supper or to the bathroom or to help a family member with something, the list runs on. Now I guess if someone says they'll "brb" and disappear for like 6 hours before responding you could jokingly be like "wow, that was one long "brb" where'd you go, to China?" but that's not really prying, more just joking, but always (or at least regularly) asking where she goes, even when she leaves for short period of time she might end up feeling smothered and just simply not feel like telling you that she had to go have supper or what ever else. She might just be annoyed because you won't stop insisting on knowing what she was doing and why she won't just tell you. Not telling you might just be a method to punish you at this point (cause at first she just didn't want to tell you cause she didn't want to discuss her family dinner (running example) now by not telling you she at least gets to use it as the thing to punish you for bothering her... It's just one possibility....

No matter how you spin it, if she behaves like that for attention OR if it is cause you're smothering it, feeding into it by badgering her about it and allowing her to do it (ex. asking her where she was could give her the attention she wants) isn't going to help the case. You should just let it go, just let her know that you get it, that it's none of your business, and that you'll try to stop bugging her about stuff like that from now on. And then try to establish some boundaries where if she says something like "brb" and doesn't supply info (ex. "brb, supper") that it's none of your business, you don't need to know. Now personally I like being sarcastic and joking with people (ex. if a friend said "brb, bathroom" I'd probably *jokingly* tell them I want a detailed description of the occasion, but that's obviously a joke)... Loads of people just leave without warning it's half the benefit of texting/facebook chat. If you're in the middle of a discussion it's usually polite to say you gotta leave, but really, otherwise, loads of people will text for a bit and then stop answering for hours on end. I'd think it was weird if my friends were constantly prying when I left for a while, wether I gave warning or not




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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 22nd 2013, 11:09 AM

Thanks guys me and our other friend violit were texting the other day and turns out she's doing this to all of us (friends) latley.and last night at lie 10 she sent a mass message and
A Pic saying she was going scene and we where trying to talk to her calmly about it and then she got all mad at us for aparently not acepting who she is and this morning she Hasent responded to any of us yet and ushley she is the last one up (night)and the first one up (morning) oh and thnx 4 changing the form I clicked the wrong one :/
   
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Re: Bestie(hidding stuff)??? Please help - June 22nd 2013, 12:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wazup View Post
Thanks guys me and our other friend violit were texting the other day and turns out she's doing this to all of us (friends) latley.and last night at lie 10 she sent a mass message and
A Pic saying she was going scene and we where trying to talk to her calmly about it and then she got all mad at us for aparently not acepting who she is and this morning she Hasent responded to any of us yet and ushley she is the last one up (night)and the first one up (morning) oh and thnx 4 changing the form I clicked the wrong one :/
If she's going scene, that's still her business alone.

If you would accept her for who she wants to be, rather than who you want her to be, your friendship will be preserved. You've got to decide: Would you rather have the control over her, or your friendship with her? "Talking calmly" to someone to explain why they "shouldn't" do something they've decided to do - especially when they're supposed to be your best friend - is out of order.

She has the right to do, be, and become who she wants to be. If you don't like who she's becoming, find different friends, but if you keep attempting to control people, you're only going to end up with many of these hurts and few friends.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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