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CrystalJade Offline
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It's all about my sister. - June 21st 2013, 06:56 AM

When I was a kid my sister moved to a different state, she was 15. Ever since then she's been the light in my parent's eyes. I've always felt that way and it's only gotten worse since I moved away in October.

It seems like all my life is is a struggle. So many bad things happen to me yet I always try and see the good side of it. One of my old co-workers told me that she admires how joyful and happy I am despite everything that goes on in my life. I wasn't the best teenager but since I've moved away I've matured a lot and gotten my life together. I work so hard and get so little in return, I'm in debt and I feel like I'll never see the light of day from it, I've had horrible experiences with my old apartment, I don't have a kid yet and I'm nearly 20, I'm in a long term relationship, I make good money for now, I'm going back to school to become something, I try to give to those in need (pets and people), and I try to be nice to everyone. I'm kind hearted and I just get crapped on.

My parents just went up to see my sister tonight, she lives 20 minutes from me. I asked them to come see me too but they just made up excuses, turns out they spent about 3 hours with her. In that 3 hours they couldn't make the 20 minute drive to see me. She and I live the exact same distance from their hometown and our apartments, they've done this several times. They say they were planning on seeing me later in the week but I felt like I needed to see them tonight, not later on. They see her all the time, this is always going on. She gets most of their help and concern and then there's me, trying my best. I feel like my accomplishments are nothing to them but when my sister does something they are so proud. She used to be the one they could be proud of but lately she's been making decisions that aren't so great. I felt like I was finally becoming something they could be proud of and maybe becoming the one they wanted to talk to and see all the time.

Soon I'll be going to school full time and trying to work 7-9 hour days without a break on the days I'm off. I don't feel like I can do this but I have to because the support goes to my older sister. She's always been the artistic one, the smart one, the over achiever. I've been the trouble-maker, the one to get into legal issues, the fuck up, the one that has issues and possibly a learning disorder. I have ADHD and I couldn't read until the third grade. Hell, I even donate blood now because they'll let me here, I've given my food to homeless people when I don't even have enough money to take care of myself, and I've donated what I can to the animal shelters. I try to be the best person I can. Then there's my older brother, the one with all the problems that takes up the rest of their time and support.

My sister lives 20 minutes away but sees her abusive boyfriend's sister who live 1 1/2 hours away more than she sees me. The last time I saw her was about 3 months ago, his sister has seen her about 10 times that I know of in that time.

I feel hurt and under-appreciated. My family can be that close but not want to come see me, that's really hurtful. I was in the ER this year and no one came to see me and they barely talked to my boyfriend. I had croup, it's very rare that adults get it because they just get a cold. They didn't come see me the whole week after that either. I'm alone up in this city, all I have is my boyfriend. I have zero friends, there's no one I talk to here, I need my family to care enough to come see me.

I've told them how I feel and they just make up excuses. It's hard on me because I just love my family so much and I don't want to be on bad terms with them, we don't know what could happen tomorrow. I'm sick of it and I'm angry. I know I'm not perfect but there has to be something to be proud of within me.
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Re: It's all about my sister. - June 21st 2013, 08:59 PM

So your sister has an abusive boyfriend, and your brother has a bunch of problems? To be quite honest, despite how difficult your life has been, it sounds like you're the strongest out of all the siblings. Perhaps your parents are spending so much time with the other two siblings because they're worried your sister is going to get hurt, or because they're worried your brother is going to get into even more trouble. You, on the other hand, while struggling with debt and physical illness, are in the best position to pick yourself up and avoid further trouble.

I know that may not be much consolation, but I've seen that happen so many times with the "good" children. They get the least attention (even though they have earned the right to receive that attention). while their "screwed up" siblings get the most attention (because parents worry their "screwed up" children will completely fall apart if they don't support them).

All I can really suggest is to keep telling your parents how much you love them and want/need to see them. Perhaps you could set a concrete day/time with them, instead of letting them respond with, "Well, maybe next week/month, but we don't know what day and we might not have time..." If/when they do come, make their experience so pleasant that they'll have a hard time making excuses again in the future!

Assuming this is all a lost cause (because, unfortunately, I could be completely off base with your parents and be giving them more credit than they deserve), MAKE LOCAL CONNECTIONS! I moved for grad school a year and a half ago, and the biggest mistake I made was not getting connected with anyone. Even though it was a temporary situation, I feel I would have been much happier if I had gotten to know my neighbors, or spent a little more time with my classmates after lectures, or asked a co-worker if she wanted to grab some coffee after work. Fortunately, it is never too late for you to start doing this, and while it's not a substitute for your parents' attention, I do believe it will help you feel a little bit better about life as a whole.

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