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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ez_Eve Offline
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What do I do please help - July 9th 2013, 04:21 AM

I don't know what to do anymore.

I had a extremely hard day at work. I had to stay an extra 2 hours because the manager is ocd. My father came in I didn't say anything to him as I was talking to my manager. When my manager stopped talking he went and found stuff for me to clean or things I missed while cleaning. I didn't have the time to tell my father anything he left the store and waited for about an hour and a half.

Needless to say he left about 5 minutes before I got done. I know his patience isn't the best so I was fine with it. I didn't care really I live 10 minutes away so I called him and asked him where he was in case he was at a restaurant or another store. He said at home I still don't really care. I asked him to come get me and that's where things went insane.

He started screaming at me that he had to wait that long for me and the fact that I didn't tell him "What was up". I told him I was with my manager and that I didn't have time to shoot a text message. I was thinking "Why didn't he know that I was busy he walked into the store himself and saw it with his own eyes". I was already irritable because of the extra work. I didn't get done until 10 I was scheduled to get off at 8. (*Please note that is 2 hours he waited an hour and a half). So I started to get extremely angry and to save myself from doing anything stupid I said a quick bye while he was screaming and I hung up. I found another way to get home. (My parents are divorced i'm staying at my moms she is on vacation)

You would think it would stop there no... He sends a long text message saying that "I'm childish and only care about myself." I was moving as fast as humanly possible to get done with what needed to get done.
"I sat out there like your dog, and you didn't even have the decency to tell me whats up", "I try to treat you like an adult but you act so childish", "This is strike two" If you want to know what strike one is please look at this thread (It seems I can't post links yet so i'll just copy/paste the text)

I just don't know what to do. Scratch that I know what I want to do. Is cut ties with him and never talk to him again. Never call him dad or father ever again. But everyone everywhere keeps saying to never cut ties with someone especially your parents. All he adds is emotional heartache and stress lots and lots of stress. If this was anyone else people would say "Leave immediately, never speak to him again."

My question I guess is what should I do to deal with this. I have no clue how to fix it.



*Please note this was written in a haze. This is how I did feel at that particular time, but I would never say this too anyone nor would I bring it up anywhere in a conversation. It was written in the "Why me" forum as a way to get these feelings out without doing something stupid.

"""Person person person. I could care the fuck less about you and your "friends".

My fucking bad I delayed your "shopping" by an hour and a half because I need a ride to get to the job I was forced to have. My bad that I forgot about the neighbors to ask them if I can get a ride. But you get all angry because I delayed your shopping by an hour and a half.

You stupid ignorant bitch. I was forced to get this job and forced to be 'happy' that I can't see my extended family for the last time for another 6 years because I joined the military.. Do you know how much I care about you? Not a fucking bit. If you died right now the only thing I would think about is how I would get to the job I was forced to get. I use you only because I am forced to. I can't even say I hope you die because then I won't have anyone to reliably drive me to this shitty minimum wage job. Your not even that reliable you show up 10 minutes late to the agreed pick-up time. Stupid bitch you even showed up late to the time YOU specified.

So fuck you and your stupid shitty friends.""""


As an explanation for this rant that doesn't have this amount of cussing in it.

"My step-mom got angry at me because I delayed her shopping by an hour and a half. I said nothing except for a few okays and then I walked away into my moms house and ignored everything else she said." <-- This is 'strike one'

Last edited by Ez_Eve; July 10th 2013 at 01:05 AM. Reason: Fixed some things, added clarification
   
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Re: What do I do please help - July 9th 2013, 07:31 AM

I’m sorry=( Parents can be difficult sometimes. My own father has been kinda mean off and on, especially when it comes to my mother. They are going through a divorce and they are always talking crap about each other to my sister and I or my father makes side comments about my mother to us. Its really hurtful. He also gets mad at us whenever we speak our mind about something that has to do with what he wants us to do or with the divorce. I still say what I feel but I also get pretty hurt when he acts mean like that. Your father shouldn’t have yelled at you for being with your manager and not talking to him. You were working, what does he want you to do, get fired? He’s just trying to make it sound like its your fault. HE’S being childish. Don’t take it to heart. Eat a good dinner and go to bed, forget about the whole confrontation. You’ll feel a bit better after a well deserved good night’s sleep.


   
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Re: What do I do please help - July 9th 2013, 11:56 PM

Quote:
You stupid ignorant bitch. I was forced to get this job and forced to be 'happy' that I can't see my extended family for the last time for another 6 years because I joined the military.. Do you know how much I care about you? Not a fucking bit. If you died right now the only thing I would think about is how I would get to the job I was forced to get. I use you only because I am forced to. I can't even say I hope you die because then I won't have anyone to reliably drive me to this shitty minimum wage job. Your not even that reliable you show up 10 minutes late to the agreed pick-up time. Stupid bitch you even showed up late to the time YOU specified.
It is this part here which i am quoting back to you that disturbs me the most. Yes, its normal to fight with parents, hell, I'm not even saying I'd be that hugely concerned if it was one of those fights that just sort of got out of control a little, it can happen. Sometimes both people are having a bad time of it. Now I am not sure who is speaking to who here, but I'm guessing it's your response? But in my opinion regardless of who said it, it's crossing the line to start saying you don't care about someone over one fight who's a father/chil, it's unfair to start throwing around names like calling the person a stupid bitch and to say that you/he hopes you/he dies. That's ridiculous. I know you are probably hoping that I will defend you and tell you to cut off your dad but if this is your response then I don't feel like I can do that. This response is NOT helping it, it's just a fight.

It's not that I can't understand being on edge and stressed out over a variety of things and having problems with one of the parental figures, but a line should be drawn and saying things like that "I hope you die" is just going WAY to far.

So my answer is that, NO, you should NOT cut off your dad. If this was your response its sounds like both of you said things that were unfair and in the "going to fair" zone. Make up. That's my advice. I know a lot of people who are missing parental figures and how hard it can be for them. So I would NEVER consider giving up a parent over something like what happened to you and your dad




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: What do I do please help - July 10th 2013, 12:45 AM

No that was a rant I had. I would never say that too anyone ever. It was in the why me section and I couldn't post links.
All I said to his wife is a quick ok and then left to do what I needed to do.
All I said to my father is that I was busy and I had to say a good bye before I did something irrational. So no I would never say that too anyone. That was written in a rant/I need to get it out haze

So no it was not my response. It is what I felt at that time but will never be my response.

Now that I read over it. It's not a very accurate description of "strike 1" as it is written in a angry haze. So i'll just explain it here without the cussing:
My step-mom got angry at me because I delayed her shopping by an hour and a half. I said nothing except for a few okays and then I walked away into my moms house and ignored everything else she said. No cussing, no threatening on my part. Just me getting yelled at because I delayed her shopping. I know there isn't really a way for me to prove this but that's what happened.


"I know you are probably hoping that I will defend you and tell you to cut off your dad but if this is your response then I don't feel like I can do that. This response is NOT helping it, it's just a fight."

Er no not really, I don't need people agreeing with me. I need advice on what to do and how to fix it. Or how to just let it go and leave. Or any other options that I can't come up with.
Because right now I see only two options, Kiss and make up in so doing lowering myself and my self-esteem to be called a childish person and constantly poked and prodded about everything I do to be lectured in how wrong I am in everything. Or cut loose and never speak to him again allowing myself to be free from an emotional burden.

Last edited by Ez_Eve; July 10th 2013 at 01:14 AM.
   
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Re: What do I do please help - July 14th 2013, 08:56 PM

Have you tried the third option, which is sitting down with your father and calmly discussing how the two of you can improve communication? It sounds like both of you have been in the wrong in the past. Your father could have pulled your manager aside, or requested that he be allowed to speak with you for a few minutes, in order to find out why you weren't done with work. That would have been an easy solution on his part, and would have saved both of you a great deal of heartache. On your end, while I understand not wanting to be subjected to a bunch of yelling, walking away from the problem can actually enrage the other person. Parents especially tend to see that kind of behavior as "attitude" and "blowing people off." I would try to explain why you simply walk away or stop talking (other than a brief "okay" or two) when your dad or stepmom start yelling. It's your way of dealing with the situation, and you're allowed to remove yourself from a verbally abusive situation; however, you have an obligation to inform your dad and stepmom, so they can have the opportunity to alter their approaches and stop yelling, leaving room for better communication.






   
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