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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Buildin' up me guts? - July 25th 2013, 03:44 PM

Alrighty, HAY:-) This is slightly embarrassing mainly because all of you troopers are AMAZING and really, really brave and ..I'm really not.
Anyways, I need some advice on how to be brave.. I know this sounds utterly stupid but lemme explain a bit more. I think I'm somewhere on the road to recovery but the only problem is I'm not completely THERE yet, you know? I still need to keep on working on this or else I'm just going to slip up.
So anyway, I make lists of things I need to do (like I'll decide to tell my counsellor EVERYTHING and feel really happy with myself, but when I get there, I say shit all, or I decide I'm going to try and have a real conversation with my dad and then I just end up mumbling something and leaving) I ALWAYS end up pussying out whenever I have to do something. I always tell myself 'Just do it, its going to help you, what's the worst that can happen' but it doesn't work. I've always overthinked things, so maybe that's it? idk, but some advice or tips would be brilliant, thanks!<3 xx


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Re: Buildin' up me guts? - July 25th 2013, 04:51 PM

Not everyone can manage to talk about things verbally. You said you make lists of things you need to do, how about writing your list down and taking it with you to your counselling session and tell them that you want to talk about what's on the list. With your dad you could do similar or if you prefer, write him a letter, this way you'll be able to 'talk' to him, only with writing and not talking.


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Re: Buildin' up me guts? - July 28th 2013, 03:27 PM

That's a good idea! Thank you, I'll try that.


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Re: Buildin' up me guts? - July 28th 2013, 03:57 PM

Okay so this is how I started getting braver with things like that. For me, it started by getting braver for physical things that I was afraid of. Heights, bees, scary rides, etc. I made myself go on a ride with a big drop, then a slide that's nothing but a big drop, then upside down coasters. Then I got less afraid of those things from doing them. And once I started doing those things, the things like telling people difficult things got easier. I started asking myself "what's the worse that will REALLY happen?" and it helped. Ultimately, it just took practice for me.



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Re: Buildin' up me guts? - July 30th 2013, 01:18 AM

Thanks a lot, I'll keep that in mind, try and gradually build up to it.


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Re: Buildin' up me guts? - July 31st 2013, 03:07 AM

I can relate so much! I can never really open up to people in real life, only over the internet. So, I'll just echo what others have said and say, write your dad a letter! Opening up about the smallest things, leading up to the bigger things might help too. Get you to feel more comfortable, you know?

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Re: Buildin' up me guts? - July 31st 2013, 05:44 PM

Ah, I was where you are at one point. But eventually I realized that not communicating was putting a strain on my friendships/relationships. It sounds like your goal needs to be to become more confident in yourself regarding communication. Here are some tips/advice that I used when I was in a similar position (are taken from a good online article):

Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets friends at school or a past traumatic or negative experience. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You can also tear these written pieces to start feeling positive on those points.

Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on. Check if it's an old past emotion and if it is really still relevant or applicable in your life today. And that doesn't mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel bad (many times, you simply can't). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad".

Bounce back from your mistakes. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, how we are feeling. In other words, they are not constant.

Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself whether it's through art, music writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!

Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.

Be positive, even if you don't feel the same way. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.

Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positivley ("Thank you!" and a smile works well).

Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.

Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel!

Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.

Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence.


Now verbally communicating is not the only way to communicate. Alot of times, even after trying te become more vocal, some people simply can't do it. That's when non-verbal/written communication comes in to play. Feel free to read this Article for more information about communication in general (and all the different ways you can communicate).

Keep your head up and keep pushing forward!


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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