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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ilikethisgame Offline
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I fight with people deliberately - July 25th 2013, 08:38 PM

I have not a single clue why I do it. But I fight with my friends and people I care about for no reason, I will just start an argument to make me feel better. Even if I'm in a good mood. It normally happens with people who crush on me.

Why do I do it and how can I stop?

Every new day creates a new story in your life. Make it a good ending. Smile.

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Thereishope Offline
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Re: I fight with people deliberately - July 26th 2013, 02:16 PM

I'm not really sure what's going on but maybe if you ask your doctor, or if you see a councilor or a therapist they can help determine what's going on and help you control it.
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Chris Offline
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Re: I fight with people deliberately - July 26th 2013, 11:55 PM

Well, unfortunately I am not qualified to really come up with a great theory of why you do what you do. I mean I have a few different guesses to why you are fighting with people for no reason, but I don't really want to post something that I'm not atleast majority sure about. If anyone were able to answer this on TeenHelp, it would be PSY. However I do recommend you seek advice/input from a counselor, therapist, Doctor, etc as they would be able to provide a more detailed/advanced response to your inquiries.

I hope that you are eventually able to hold successful/healthy relationships without the fighting aspect.

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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PSY Offline
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Re: I fight with people deliberately - July 28th 2013, 08:36 PM

I'm flattered, Chris.

I'm willing to bet that almost any therapist's/psychologist's/etc.'s response to, "Why do I fight with people?" would be, "Why do YOU think you fight with people?" The bottom-line is that psychological professionals can come up with all sorts of theories, as can TeenHelp's users; however, at the end of the day, it all comes down to your willingness to look for patterns of behavior and develop insight on your own. Psychological professionals can certainly help you with altering that behavior, but you need to figure out why you're behaving that way first.

One suggestion I have is to start documenting everything you can about these fights/arguments. Let's say you get into a fight with someone who has a crush on you (since that's a specific example you provided in your post).

1. As soon as you realize you've had a fight, go somewhere private to collect your thoughts.

2. Start writing down the details of the fight.
What did you say? Was it in response to what the other person said first, or did you say something (seemingly) out of the blue?

3. Next, write down what happened BEFORE the fight.
What were you thinking about? What were you doing? What were other people doing? How were you feeling?

4. After that, look over everything you wrote down and think about any similar fights you had in the past.
Did you behave similarly with the same person? A different person?
If it was a different person, what do those two people have in common, if anything?
Write down any insights you have.

5. Wait a few hours, or up to a day, then re-read everything, and write down any additional insights you have.

Keep doing this with every single fight you have. Over time, you may begin to see patterns develop. For example, you may discover you fight with people in order to keep them from getting too close to you. You may fight with people to look "better," "smarter," etc. You may fight with people because something very specific triggers you, whether it's a word/phrase or action/behavior. This is something only you can discover for yourself, and you'll save a lot of money by doing this on your own vs. going to a psychological professional who will be just as clueless as we are right now.

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deliberately, fight, people

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