TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Every note makes up a symphony
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
ImprovisedStarlight's Avatar
 
Name: Kat
Age: 27
Gender: Female

Posts: 599
Join Date: January 8th 2012

Unsure how to react to my friend's *huge* dark secret. - August 5th 2013, 12:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well, I found out recently that a friend isn't who they said they've been for the past few years...at all.

1) They lied about their name.
2) They lied about their age.
3) They lied about their past life, relationships etc.

Why, might one ask? Well, upon looking up his real name on Google, I discovered that there was a reason he seemed to be living a second life. A big reason, in my opinion.

Apparently 15 years ago, he brutally murdered his mother. It made huge headlines and he was put in jail for 20 years. He got out a couple of years ago and I met him through a mutual friend.

I don't know how to feel about this. I feel so stupid for thinking he was 15 years younger than he claimed, and I feel so stupid for believing every word about his past life. He was never engaged, never went abroad, no. He was in prison...

What do I even say? I feel so skeeved out having a friendship with a murderer. I guess it's not something many people are open to. But at the same time, maybe he made up all these lies so that he could start a new life and felt that the truth would distance people from him...

My friend who lives with him kicked him out. Nobody has spoken to him in a few days...and I'm not sure what to do...what to say...how to feel...



"It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness"-Chinese Proverb



Piano, Flute, Bassoon, Acoustic Guitar, Cello, Electric Guitar

LiveHelp Operator August 13th, 2012 General Forum ModeratorDecember 22, 2012 Videos Officer March 19th 2013
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Hypothesis. Offline
Not significant.

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
Hypothesis.'s Avatar
 
Name: Dez
Age: 23
Gender: They/them.
Location: Connecticut, USA

Posts: 19,273
Blog Entries: 139
Join Date: November 16th 2010

Re: Unsure how to react to my friend's *huge* dark secret. - August 5th 2013, 02:13 AM

Hey there,

Maybe you can get a little bit of space for a while just to think clearly without having any pressure from outside sources such as friends or even him. That way, you may be able to clear your mind and process things, since this definitely is a huge shock. In that time, maybe you can also think about whether or not you would be okay with continuing your friendship with him. For instance, if you truly believe he can start fresh and have a new life, you can always try to continue the friendship, but if your thinking leads you to realize that this is not something that you would feel comfortable with or is against your morals, you don't have to associate with him as much or at all.

Whether you decide to continue the friendship or not, maybe it also can help you to sit down with him and have an honest conversation with him. That way, you'd be able to get out any last feelings you have or any questions you have, and you'd be able to hear things from his perspective as well. If you decide to end the friendship, at least by doing this you will be ending off on a good note, and if you have decided that you'd like to carry out the friendship, this is where you'd be able to talk to him and discuss where to go from there.

But, you don't have to rush to make any decision right away. I think you definitely need time to process everything that is going on and let it sink in, and then maybe you'll be able to clearly put some thought into what you want to do and what you'd feel more comfortable with. Maybe you can do a more detailed pros and cons list sort of thing, too, taking notes on whether to carry out the friendship or not to, and see what outweighs the other.

I hope things work out okay!

-Dez


   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
dark, friend, huge, react, secret, unsure

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.