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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Can you hear the silence?
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scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 6th 2013, 08:28 PM

i have 0 confidence in myself and i have never met with him befoe and i never leave the house i wanna get out more i have no friends as it is i just wanna be out the house more and it may help my depression

but the thing im worried he will say no :/ how do i ask him ?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 6th 2013, 09:28 PM

The worst thing he can do is say no... But if you guys are friends it won't likely to be personal, it might just be that he's busy or something. I'd suggest going in with a concrete plan BUT make sure it's flexible. So maybe suggest going hiking in 1-2 days after you ask (so if you asked today, plan it for tomorrow or the day after). If he can't, ask him what day in a certain time frame (so be like, well, I'm also free on Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday, how about one of those days)... It also doesn't have to be hiking, it can be a movie or going to the music store or what ever you guys like to do (what ever you have in common). You have to ask, but go with a plan (a lets do this on this time) but let him know you can do a different day or a different event if he isn't interested in what you suggest. Cause, really, people MIGHT say no, but that's no reason to sit around at home, and if you really want to hang out with someone you shouldn't let someone being unavailable one time be a deterrent, it's not like you're being rejected by a guy you want to be your boyfriend, you're just asking someone to hang out and of course people are sometimes busy, but it's not some evil personal trick that's meant to torture you. JUST ASK and make sure your not being vague (cause then he might not follow through if he thinks its your idea, therefore your responsibility to plan) and make sure you give him time to be free and a chance to go with a different time or date if need be, that way he isn't saying no, he can just say "can't X day, but can on Y day"




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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 13th 2013, 02:28 PM

I agree with the person above. The worse thing that can happen if you ask is that he'll say no, and it could mean that he's busy or just not interested in hanging out. If you say he's your friend, you could possibly call/text him to hang out, maybe invite him over?
There's nothing wrong with asking a friend to hang out, you could always work out a different day and time if what you suggest isn't good for him. About how to ask him- I usually just call/text my friends and ask, "Hey do you want to hang out?". I find that the simplest way, but I know people have different ways. Don't make it too complicated in which he doesn't understand. Short and simple is the best.


[left]



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than absolutely boring."

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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 16th 2013, 11:23 PM

he said no
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 17th 2013, 04:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bringmethehorizon♥ View Post
he said no

Did he say why he said no? He could have been busy. If he was busy, you should try again another day and see if you two can plan a meet up.


bullshit, you fucking miss me.
   
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 17th 2013, 09:15 PM

Ok, well, why didn't you just ask if he'd like to hang out on a different time?




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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 18th 2013, 11:08 AM

What's the point?
   
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 18th 2013, 12:05 PM

If he said no, there was obviously a reason for it. Did he give you one? It could just be that he was busy, why don't you ask him if when he is free, if you two could hang out and do something together, maybe even suggest something that you could do?

I know that when you put yourself out there, even if it is just to ask someone to hang out and they say no, it does leave you feeling crap but you shouldn't let it stop you from asking again, there is a bunch of reasons he could have said no and if he is your friend, it's unlikely it was because he doesn't want to hang out with you at all, so just ask him if he wants to hang out when he is free, do something like go to the movies, play football, walk around town or whatever and see how it goes.
   
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 18th 2013, 03:08 PM

The point? To stop you from having a negative point of view when it comes to engaging your friends? From standing up for what you want to do? There are plenty of "points" here. All of them valid. You can't expect people to constantly pursue you, especially if your shy, awkward etc. then people may simply not know how to approach you. I know it sucks if you really wanted to hang out with someone but you really ought to just pursue it a little harder, you could end up with a really good friend and you won't feel so negative towards it or so lonely




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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 21st 2013, 11:23 PM

I have given up to be honest
   
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 23rd 2013, 01:40 AM

That's too bad. =( A lot of people are missing out on someone who could probably be a really great friend, if he just had a little more confidence in himself. It sounds like you'd be able to relate to people who struggle with similar fears/worries... which means you have the ability to provide empathy and compassion to other people. No one will know what that if you don't put yourself out there, though!

I've been rejected by a lot of people over the years. Sometimes it's pretty subtle (they always make excuses for why they can't hang out), other times it's more direct (they say they don't have time to talk to me - ever). It hurts, and it's easy to just give up because it hurts so much. If I did that, though, I wouldn't have put myself in positions to meet the friends I have today (including my boyfriend, who originally started out as a friend).

One thing I've found to be very, VERY helpful is to get involved in some clubs/organizations that interest you, or to volunteer your time to a worthy cause. Worst-case scenario, you'll have something to do every week, and having a sense of purpose is critical as you grow older. Best-case scenario, you'll have opportunities to talk to and/or work with people who have something in common with you, and therefore are more open to creating a friendship with you. You'll feel better about yourself (because you'll be doing something productive), and you'll get into the habit of putting yourself out there (first as a participant/member of a club/organization, then as a potential friend).






   
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Re: scared to ask my friend if he wants to hang out - August 23rd 2013, 11:34 PM

yoo why would i wanna join a club id probs get kicked out fr not providing by the rules or someit i dont do clubs to cool mate



what ill probs do is force him ill drag him out ill walk to his house



na he said he was fixing his motor bike up so he couldnt hang out i don need freinds anyway :P
   
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