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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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by boyfriends patents - August 11th 2013, 04:49 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year and his family has me over at times but I get the feeling like there getting annoyed with me.

I haven't been able to talk with them due to my anxieties and they know I have them but lately I have been feeling like they don't lime be because I wont talk to them. I really like him and his family is nice but I just can bring myself to talk to them :[

Any tips or ideas?


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Re: by boyfriends patents - August 11th 2013, 05:59 AM

Well, can you blame them for not liking you if your always there and won't talk to them? They probably perceive that as rude. Their tolerance for your anxiety would understandably diminish after a while if you were continuously ignoring them. It might just get to the point where they expect you to "get over your issues" and talk to them. I know that might sound harsh from your point of view where you think you have this perfectly legitimate issue to be acting and feeling the way you do. But that's probably just the reality of it. They more than likely think that your behaviour is crossing downright rude by this point in time.

So to be simply put you need to work on your anxiety more, you really should just confront your anxiety and talk to them. Do what you have to in order to make it happen. But your best bet is to just talk to them one way or another, might as well start now, what's your plan any how? To never talk to any of your boyfriends parents from now to death? You need to work through it, no ifs, ands or buts. Just maybe start with something small, like go in and be like "hi, how are you" and then go away. If you know it was an awkward encounter maybe ask your boyfriend to talk to them to let them know you've been picking up on a bit of a negative vibe and feel it might be because you don't talk to them much and you want to try to be better about that but don't want them to think your even weirder if you're being maybe a little awkward about it. That way they can maybe try to contribute a little more (but without doing anything that'll put you on the spot).

I hope that this helps.




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Re: by boyfriends patents - August 11th 2013, 01:08 PM

I've had this exact same problem! My past boyfriend, I was with him for nearly 3 years and even then I still found it so hard to talk to his family because every time I came to talk, the words were there but in crowds or when his entire family were there, the words just wouldn't escape my mouth. It was so hard to talk to any of his family unless it was 1 to 1 and over the dinner table was just as bad because there'd be about 4-6 of us at the table and I would sit there, eat my food and sit quietly unless his mum asked me a question and only then I'd start talking.

His mum suggested to me that sometimes I 'pretend' just a little, like I wasn't me but someone else and that way it could help me to talk a little more. I found it hard to even do that because I dislike pretending and I felt so mute unless I'd talk to his family or friends 1 to 1. What you could do is, as his family know about your anxieties, try and sit with his mum or someone similar and really, really talk about how it works or how you feel, you could even ask her if she finds your lack of talking to actually be annoying or if she knew of any way to help you progress. When you're with your boyfriend's family, what is it that you find hard to talk with them? Is it when they're all grouped together or is it that you feel you'll say something stupid and that they won't find it funny or acceptable? I often felt that way when I was with mine, I felt like my humour wouldn't match theirs or I'd say something offencive. I never got out of it but with time it did get better.


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Re: by boyfriends patents - August 13th 2013, 02:16 PM

Well, the main goal I would say it to better be able to control, and monitor your anxiety. At age 14, it will be alot of work - but it will help you now, and throughout life. Find which situations, & events trigger and enact the anxiety. Is it being around people you don't know? Is it being in an environment you aren't familiar with? Is it worrying about what others think about you? etc. Once you find out what triggers it, then you need to make a list of options and ways to work on it. Like I said, it will be hard - but anything worth doing is hard.

Unfortunately, I think that if you do not learn how to channel your emotions, and how to control your anxieties, you will find that his family will continue to get upset as time goes on (which is not a good situation to be in). Remember, you don't have to have full out conversations - but start with a basic introduction (Hi, how are you?) and go from there.


Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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