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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Kayla
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how do i say it with out it turning into a fight - August 13th 2013, 06:03 PM

I'm having a really shitty day as was I yesterday but yesterday ny friend came and dragged me out of bed and out of my house. But today I just want to headline and I know if I just tell her I don't want to I want to be alone today she will try to get me out of the house anyway I don't want to fight with her but don't know what to say. Help


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Re: how do i say it with out it turning into a fight - August 13th 2013, 07:55 PM

Hi Kayla. Well I'm sorry to hear about you having a shitty last few days. The reason your friend is dragging you out of the house is to try to cheer you up. With that in mind, try to understand her intentions.

If you truly do not want to leave the house, you need to communicate that to her. Communication is key. Say something like "Listen _____, I honestly want to stay home today. Going out will make me more upset. But I promise that this weekend we can go do something. Deal?"

Saying something like that is establishing command - you are stating something, but also comforting the blow with a promise/commitment. This will make her feel better about your condition, and that will make her understand that you sincerely just need to have a day to be away.

I hope you feel better soon.


Best wishes,
Chris


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Re: how do i say it with out it turning into a fight - August 15th 2013, 01:47 AM

Hey there,

I agree with Chris that it is definitely best to be honest with her, if you don't feel like coming out of the house today. Maybe you can explain a little bit of why you don't want to, such as the fact that you really appreciate that she is concerned, but you feel as if you need some time alone every now and then to process things and get better.

If the reason why she drags you out of the house is because she is worried about you and how you are handling things, maybe you can assure her that if something goes wrong or you need to talk you'll give her a call, and then you can let her know that you can do something another time. Or maybe you can suggest that she checks in on you every so often (a few hours or so), and you'll at least let her know that you're fine.

In other words, be honest about why you don't feel comfortable with going out, but I agree with Chris that maybe you can suggest doing something later. I know that my situation is a bit different, but I was feeling sick and missed my friend's birthday party, and now we've been to the mall together and a few other places to make up for it. You deserve your time, so ask her to respect that, but also let her know you're not doing it just to avoid her.

Best of luck!

-Dez


   
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