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Unhappy Don't know what to do I need advice - August 13th 2013, 11:00 PM

Im sorry I really didnt know where to put this...but since it is in regards to my family home I found here best fit. Anyways, I live with my grandparents....nothing odd here. except the fact that at the moment my grandfather is bedridden....now that means my grandmother would be helping right? not really. she usually sleeps all day wich I would have no problem with if this was settled. Now for the past...id say about year we have been struggling with bugs in our kitchen ((Gross I know)) but I seem to be the only one concerned about it. Like I have been the one cleaning the cupboards CONSTENTLY trying to get rid of these stupid bugs, it has gotten to the pint where I am never home anymore because I am afraid to eat anything that is not canned or frozen...though My grandmother fore some reason sees no problem with this. she says, "Well clena the cupboards" I am starting to feel as if I am being taken advantage of....I do EVERYTHING around the house while my grandma and little sister (15) ait around and do nothing as I try and better our living conditions, they atre pretty bad....there is always bugs every 5 feet you walk, and there are dishes that sit in the sink for months on end...not to mention the piles of clothes and garbage....she blames me fore everything...saying how I dont clean enough...I dont find this fair. why am I the one stuck cleaning, And why cant my sister help....she has an able body its not like anything is broken.....How am I to fix this situation?


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Re: Don't know what to do I need advice - August 14th 2013, 12:06 AM

I would talk to them about it. Sit them down and tell them how you feel about what's going on. Maybe try getting them to help out or even take turns cleaning. Like 1 cleans 1 day etc. What you're going through is definitely not fair and I hope that they'll start changing things soon!
   
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Re: Don't know what to do I need advice - August 14th 2013, 03:51 AM

I have tryed talking...it never works


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Re: Don't know what to do I need advice - August 14th 2013, 04:35 PM

When you try talking to your grandmother and sister, what do you typically say, and how do they typically respond? Do they deny that the bugs even exist, or do they acknowledge there are bugs and blame you for the problem? Do they make any verbal promises to help out, or do they flat-out state you're responsible for the entire household's mess? If you can provide us with a little more information on what you've tried, we might be able to offer some new strategies. They may not be effective, unfortunately, because there isn't much you can do to increase a person's internal motivation (unless you have the power to kick them out of their home due to the unsanitary conditions... which you don't). They may be worth a shot, though.






   
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Re: Don't know what to do I need advice - August 14th 2013, 10:11 PM

When wwe talk it usually ends up with My grandmother offering to help and my sister calling me names which I wont repeat. then my grandma will fall back on her promise the next day. so then Im once again stuck trying to do things on my own and being yelled at when I want to do something for myself oce i.e. Hanging out with friends....While my sister gets away with doing absulutkly nothing...say I clean the kitchen, My sister will make herself something to eat and leave her stuff laying everywhere and then I get told to clean the kitchen again, same goes for every other room in the house


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Re: Don't know what to do I need advice - August 15th 2013, 03:24 AM

If I were you I'd be screaming at my sister . Now don't get me wrong this isnt rude. Considering your sister called you out of your names and has a bad attitude. I don't think you should call her out her name bit I think you should raise her voice. She is 15 years old and is fully capable of cleaning after herself. As young an lively as she is she can lend in a hand and assist you in helping your grandparents. Especially since they're her grandparents too. This is not The tale of cinderelly and she needs a *snap *snap back to reality.
   
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Re: Don't know what to do I need advice - August 15th 2013, 05:24 PM

So it sounds like your grandmother is at least willing to hear you out, and make some kind of gesture toward helping out, even if she doesn't follow through. That's better than what your sister is doing. Unfortunately, you can't really do anything about your sister, as you are not in a position of authority and can't impose any kind of punishment if she doesn't do her chores. (I have to disagree with the previous poster - confronting your sister, without any support from your grandparents, may just lead to a verbal or physical escalation.) Therefore, I'd focus on talking to the grandmother.

Can you talk to her one-on-one, when you're both in a good mood and have a decent amount of time (ex. up to half an hour) to talk? I don't know your grandmother very well, but based on what you described, she could be too tired to help out. She has a husband who is bedridden - that's stressful. She has a granddaughter who behaves inappropriately - that's also stressful. Finally, if she's sleeping all day, it could be due to the unfortunate side effect of getting old - she may not have the energy to help you or discipline your sister, and it may be all she can do to stay awake.

If that's the case, then this goes beyond getting people to help you out with the chores. This could be a situation where your grandparents aren't able to provide you and your sister with the amount of support legal guardians and generally expected to provide. Talk to your grandmother about what kind of support EVERYONE needs. Perhaps your grandmother can call several friends to come over and do an intense, thorough cleaning of the house, finally putting you in a position to keep up with everything that you're tasked to do. There are also government agencies that can offer support. I don't know about cleaning residences, per se, but they can provide financial support (which may allow the family to hire a helper of some sort) as well as emotional support (so you have someone to talk to about everything that's going on).

The key is to approach your grandmother when both of you are in a good mood (so you can remain calm/patient/loving with her), to acknowledge that she may be having a hard time as well, and to show her you're willing to get support for the entire family (and aren't just thinking about yourself). If your grandmother perceives that you're trying to think about her interests, despite how unfair this situation has been for you, then she may be more willing to discuss the problem openly and agree to receiving outside help if it's offered.






   
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