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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My best friend keeps having these outbursts about money - August 16th 2013, 05:58 PM

Hi everyone!
My family recently earned a substantial amount of money due to an unexpected inheritance from a family friend of ours that deceased and it was pretty public, quite a lot of people know about it. Weíve always had a good economic situation and I was lucky enough that my parents always were able to buy me the newest and shiniest things, some of my friends always considered me ďRichĒ even if thatís over exaggerated. Itís just that we unintentionally spent the money on material stuff instead of doing more meaningful things with it, we never wanted to show off what we didnít have or anything like that.
So now that we inherited this money we didnít act like we won the lottery at all, we all started doing stuff we always neglected like going to the dentist, doctors etc. And also bought us a few small things. Most of the money will stay untouched and it will probably be used for my studies or invested in something smart.
However my best friend (Which has always been in a better situation than me) keeps having these hateful outbursts. Like the other day I bought a video game that was 50$ and he said something like ďIf you didnít have THAT money you wouldnít have bought itĒ. And he is always the kind of person that spends TONS of money on video games, while Iím usually too cheap to spend money on that kind of stuff.
Sometimes when we want to go out or something he keeps whining about money and whenever I buy something, even if itís like a sandwich in town he keeps saying ďNot everyone has as much money as you haveĒ. And Iím like WTF is wrong with him. I always, even before I got this inheritance I always had this billionaire jokes like: ďI love that country! I want to buy itĒ or stuff like that but Iíve always done that and nothing has really changed. I donít really know what to do, and Iím currently out of town and I donít want to fight with him about it the next time he brings this up on the phone, Skype or messages.
   
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Re: My best friend keeps having these outbursts about money - August 16th 2013, 09:27 PM

Well obviously, he's jealous, and there's really not much you can do about it. My advice would be to explain to him the situation: you got and inheritance, and while you're using some of the cash for yourself, most of it is going towards education, ect. Maybe even spend a little on him? I'm not saying buy him an expensive gift, but maybe take him to he fair/amusement park, and buy his ticket for him? He still might be grouchy about it, and maybe even more if you offer to pay for him, but do something to show that you care about your friendship and that he means a bunch to you. You can't make him not be jealous, but just trying to preserve your friendship will show you care.
I'm sure things will be back to normal after a few weeks, if you just ignore all the negative things he says.
Good luck!


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Re: My best friend keeps having these outbursts about money - August 16th 2013, 10:24 PM

I agree with Mads here, but I wouldn't spend so much money on him because a) he's being negative and misunderstanding, and giving him money would be like giving him what he wants b) for yourself, you can't buy your friendship back, or a better behavior from him, as much as he's mistreating you now, he won't change simply because of giving him some money, he might even want more or complain it's not enough. He's your friend so I suggest you talk to him like you would if it was about another issue and you didn't have inheritance. Giving money should stay out of it because it's what's bringing this conflict between you two. Maybe buying him something or paying for him like Mads said is a good idea but after you talked to him about it so he knows how you feel. Explain to him you're using it for education and tell him how you feel and that you want to stay friends. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope it works out for you <3
   
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Re: My best friend keeps having these outbursts about money - August 17th 2013, 09:38 PM

He's jealous. Simple as that. And resentful. I had similar problems with a friend because my parents can afford all my school and living expenses and she struggles more financially. It was like she expected me to feel guilty? And I was like... uhm... no.... I actually like NOT having to worry so she could figure out where to shove it on her own.... It's really frustrating that people do stuff like that, especially when they're your "friends" and it made me feel like i couldn't do anything with her like shopping or movies.

It got to the point where I could barely stand to be around this "friend", we got past it (sort of), then things sparked back up and now I'm just past the point of trying. She is very pig headed and is the kind of person who'd just TRY to shut me down if I confronted her about what is bothering me. And she's educated enough that she thinks she can use her knowledge to prove me wrong (while I'd be sitting there getting more and more angry cause we have equal education and it's not like I'm to stupid to figure out I'm doing something wrong, which I am not doing wrong). If she wants to talk to me, she can. But that's where we are at at this point in time (barely even friends).

Don't let that happen to you and you're friend. He's jealous and sounds resentful. It might not be obvious since you know he's not exactly struggling either, hell, it might be a little more complicated then that since I can't figure out the minor complexities of a stranger. DO NOT buy him stuff. That is not the way to solve this problem, he's responsible for what he can afford. End of story. Don't go down the tunnel where you think footing other peoples bills will make them happy or what have you. Unless it is for a good reason (ex. a date, a present, a thoughtful gift from a vacation etc.). Just make sure you spend money on him for the right reasons. When he comes back I think you need to tell him how you feel, that you don't like the resentment you feel when money comes up and list a few examples, tell him you're sorry he feels how he does but that you aren't really doing anything wrong. And then talk it out. Lastly, if you ARE spending more money then you used to then another solution would be to do it less around him




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Re: My best friend keeps having these outbursts about money - August 22nd 2013, 04:00 AM

I confronted him on a text a few days ago because he said something like "XXXXX might be cheap for you, but not everybody else" and I just raged out and told him that he's unable to hold a decent discussion about anything without bringing these crappy arguments.

He wowowowed and said that he was just kidding... yeah right...

I hate how some people just assume that I do some things because of this situation when I've actually done them my whole life but they prefer to refuse to believe that in order to have something to talk about.
   
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Re: My best friend keeps having these outbursts about money - August 22nd 2013, 12:51 PM

You need to make it clear to him that you do not find the constant comments to be funny or a joking matter and that you'd rather he didn't try to blow them off as inconsequential when you've been finding the comments offensive, rude, annoying and [apply further relevant feelings to comments]. Tell him that you can't stop him from blowing it off as such. But let's face it, ever bringing up peoples money like that IS just plain rude. Like there's a very fine line between someone asking me how much my rent is just cause they're curious (ex. maybe wondering what it'd take for them to live in a place like mine) VS. making some comment about my apartment must cost a lot (the first one obviously being the one I am ok with)....

But there's things that just are not appropriate in conversations and fact of the matter is that your friend needs to understand that regardless of whether it's cause he's jealous or, in his warped view, "making jokes" (which sounds like bs any how) that what he's been saying is offensive and you expect him to cut it out, it's not appropriate and he needs to understand that.




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