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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Been lying to my best mate :( - August 17th 2013, 01:07 PM

Okay so I'm turning sixteen next month and I'm male but since 2008 I've been lying to my best mate who is female. I have known her 10 years this year and she's grown up with her older brother and mum. Her older brother is into nice cars and owns two really nice cars and back in 2008 because I was still young and only 10-11 years old, I didn't realise how guilty this was all going to make me feel now being almost 16.
So I don't have older siblings, I'm the oldest and into cars too but back then when I was hanging out with my mate I felt I couldn't relate to her because I didn't have an older sibling so I made a lie up telling her that I have an older brother and he's into cars and owns a really nice car and that time, I felt that it was fine but as the years went on and we both got older I started to build on that lie and add more to it that wasn't true and I feel like an absolute dickhead for how long I've gone about this. In 2008 I just felt that I was out of place and that if I made up that I had an older sibling too, I could fit in but because I've gotten to be older it's made me feel so guilty and I haven't been able to tell her the complete truth because she's believed it so much that I have an older sibling when in reality, I don't :/ it's been getting to me for a while now and just need some help and advice

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Re: Been lying to my best mate :( - August 17th 2013, 04:29 PM

Just own up to her and tell her the truth. Apologize for lying all this time and explain why you did it and how bad you feel about it and would like to start on a clean slate. With any luck she'll understand, even if it takes some time and then things will be fine.
   
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Re: Been lying to my best mate :( - August 17th 2013, 04:31 PM

That sounds really hard for you, things you could do is tell your friend the truth, which carries the risk of losing her. Or you could just be truthful from now on and don't tell anymore lies to her. But I would suggest telling her the truth but make sure you explain why you lied to her.
If you decide to tell her the truth, you should chose the best time to talk to her, make sure its a good time and in a place you won't be overheard.
I'm always here if you would like to talk, take care.






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Re: Been lying to my best mate :( - August 18th 2013, 01:55 AM

Thanks so much, that was really helpful. I haven't been bringing it up in conversation as much for a while but there's times where she will ask about it and I won't say much but yeah just got to pick the right moment and tell her. I guess I've just always wanted an older sibling but looking back, can't believe how stupid I was. Thanks again!
   
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Re: Been lying to my best mate :( - August 18th 2013, 10:57 AM

I do agree that you should just be honest and tell her. If you've been friends for such a long time, I'm sure she will be understanding and forgive you for it, if you explain why you did it and how you feel guilty for letting it go on for so long.
   
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Re: Been lying to my best mate :( - August 18th 2013, 12:06 PM

Yeah I mean it's going to be quite tough for me having to tell her the complete truth and I don't know exactly how she'll react to it cause she's been going through a tough time, just need to organise the right time, the right day and just come straight out with it and sincerely apologise and explain my reasins for doing it and hopefully, all will be okay. Shitting it though. The things we do when we're young and then don't realise what reality is really going to be like as the years progress. Does it make me a bad mate for lying to her back then? I just feel so torn up about it.
   
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Re: Been lying to my best mate :( - August 18th 2013, 03:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carlover_16 View Post
Thanks so much, that was really helpful. I haven't been bringing it up in conversation as much for a while but there's times where she will ask about it and I won't say much but yeah just got to pick the right moment and tell her. I guess I've just always wanted an older sibling but looking back, can't believe how stupid I was. Thanks again!
No problem, its good that you've realized your mistakes and are correcting them. When you tell her just make sure you tell her truthfully why you lied to her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carlover_16 View Post
Yeah I mean it's going to be quite tough for me having to tell her the complete truth and I don't know exactly how she'll react to it cause she's been going through a tough time, just need to organise the right time, the right day and just come straight out with it and sincerely apologise and explain my reasins for doing it and hopefully, all will be okay. Shitting it though. The things we do when we're young and then don't realise what reality is really going to be like as the years progress. Does it make me a bad mate for lying to her back then? I just feel so torn up about it.
Telling her will be hard, but you know your friend better than anyone so tell her in the right way, for example, you could tell her face-to-face, over the phone, email, text or you could even write a letter and leave it somewhere she will find it.

Hope it all goes well when you tell her and good luck. Feel free to VM or PM me if you would like to talk, take care






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