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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Is it OK to feel this way about my mother who is going to jail? - August 26th 2013, 12:27 AM

My mother is going to jail for six months for a financial crime. Instead of being scared or anything I can't help but feel a little excited maybe is the word about my mom being in jail. Not in a malicious type of way but more in a teasing type of way. Not because I hate her or dislike her. On the contrary I had a good relationship with her but I definitely find it kind of funny that my mom is in the punishment situation now and is taking orders from others and it might give her a different perspective on certain things. Also because I know she is coming back in six months (not very long) and is not going away from forever or for years and years.
Also the fact having her gone for six months will give more freedom. I guess it is kind of childish to think that way but I cannot really help it . I actually told my dad some of these things and he said it was OK and he was glad I was instead not acting hysterical about it and even joked back "maybe you;re mom will understand how it feels when she punishes you, maybe when she comes back things might be different".


oh and some people might say I must have some underlying issues with her, I don't. Really
   
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Re: Is it OK to feel this way about my mother who is going to jail? - August 26th 2013, 12:53 AM

Well, I suppose that's one feeling you might experience. Many teens daydream about how wonderful it would be to "ground" their parents, or to get away from their parents' control for a while. I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" to have those feelings, but I think you may also begin to experience other feelings in the future, and it would be wise to prepare for those feelings. You may indeed enjoy the sense of freedom at first, but after a while, you may begin to miss your mother, since you have a good relationship with her. You may find that your father doesn't quite meet your needs, and even though your mother isn't going away for years and years, several months is still a significant amount of time. You may find yourself wishing that she could be around for the holidays, or for other special occasions. You may feel guilty for the feelings you're having now further down the road. You may feel anger toward your mother for what she did, or anger toward your father for not doing something about it. My point is that a LOT of feelings can arise when something as complicated as this happens, so be prepared for whatever comes, seek help if you need it, and try not to be too hard on yourself. It doesn't sound like you're completely callous - perhaps just not fully comprehending the consequences of your mother's incarceration. Don't beat yourself up if you do a complete 180 in a few weeks/months/years. Instead, learn from this experience. Learn how loved ones' actions can have affect you, and learn to avoid making the same mistakes they did.






   
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Re: Is it OK to feel this way about my mother who is going to jail? - August 26th 2013, 01:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Well, I suppose that's one feeling you might experience. Many teens daydream about how wonderful it would be to "ground" their parents, or to get away from their parents' control for a while. I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" to have those feelings, but I think you may also begin to experience other feelings in the future, and it would be wise to prepare for those feelings. You may indeed enjoy the sense of freedom at first, but after a while, you may begin to miss your mother, since you have a good relationship with her. You may find that your father doesn't quite meet your needs, and even though your mother isn't going away for years and years, several months is still a significant amount of time. You may find yourself wishing that she could be around for the holidays, or for other special occasions. You may feel guilty for the feelings you're having now further down the road. You may feel anger toward your mother for what she did, or anger toward your father for not doing something about it. My point is that a LOT of feelings can arise when something as complicated as this happens, so be prepared for whatever comes, seek help if you need it, and try not to be too hard on yourself. It doesn't sound like you're completely callous - perhaps just not fully comprehending the consequences of your mother's incarceration. Don't beat yourself up if you do a complete 180 in a few weeks/months/years. Instead, learn from this experience. Learn how loved ones' actions can have affect you, and learn to avoid making the same mistakes they did.

Well right now I don't really feel any anger. More like just "we'll she will be back in six months" and try to look at "positives" of the situation (more freedom, her having different perspective on things, might be interesting for her to be in the punishment situation)
   
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Re: Is it OK to feel this way about my mother who is going to jail? - August 26th 2013, 02:36 AM

Of course it is ok to have these feelings. A parent going to jail affects the whole family. This is your way of processing this event. As robin said, you may experience other emotions along with the ones you have at the moment. I know I did. Actually, I'm still confused about how I feel. My best advice is accept what happens, stay positive, live in the moment, and learn from this. I wish you the very best. Hope everything goes alright while your mother is away. <3 Nal


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