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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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BluePoison Offline
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Best "Friend"? - September 3rd 2013, 09:57 PM

Hello !,

Well, I had a best friend. Her name is Hannah and me and her have been friends for about a year, maybe longer. We have been through so much together. We help each other with self harm and eating disorders and I was getting better with her help. We always got along and always had fun together. We were literally always together for the whole summer. But she stabbed me in the back.

At the beginning of the summer, her boyfriend (now ex) introduced me to a boy named Gabe. Me and Gabe were together for about 2 and half months and I even lost my virginity to him, which is a very big deal to me. Gabe was one of those guys who are really nice and sweet and cool, so you will start dating him and then the longer you are with, you see who he really is.

A super stupid, lazy, jerk, ass hole who cares about nothing but himself and his drugs. He was possessive and just. I wasn't happy. I tired to break up with him twice before but Hannah talked me out of it. She liked that me, her, Gabe and her boyfriend were all friends and could hang out a lot. That is when I started to notice she was a bit selfish. She only wanted me with Gabe so it wouldn't ruin her little square. She didn't care how I felt.

But, I met a boy named Kota, who helped me reliaze that I don't have to be with Gabe. That I deserved to be happy. So I finally ended it with Gabe and Hannah was upset and everything but told me she was fine with it. A bit later i got together with Kota, and now I am very very happy.

Now that you have a backstory on this, here is where the back stabbing comes into play.

Hannah is still friends with Gabe. Because her boyfriend lives with him. I know that Gabe was hitting her a lot when me and him were dating and I know she showed interest in him as well. I didn't think much of it because we are best friends and I love her and she would never hurt me. Or so I thought.

A week-ish ago, Hannahs boyfriend broke up with her. She was hurt, they had been together for a long time. I understand that. But then she started hanging out with Gabe more. I told her I was not okay with it because I knew that she and him would get together. She promised me that she would not let that happen.

I knew that I could not bare to see them together, since he was my first and all and Gabe hates my guts for dumping him, so I know me and Hannah would never be able to double date or even really talk, since I hate Gabe and don't want to hear about their cute dateness.

So she texts me yesterday telling me that they kissed and are dating.

I have never been so hurt. She broke a promise and is now dating my ex. Isn't there a girl code or something? Idk. I want to hate her for picking him over me. But I can't I love her too much. And yet I can't talk to her anymore. I lost my best friend and I have no idea how to handle it.

She isn't going to break up with him for me and I won't ask her too. But. Idk. I just feel so hurt and i know that I going to fall back into my ways of cutting and not eating since I don't have her to talk to.

I never let anyone in and I let her and she. She pulls this fuck shit.

I don't know how to handle it and would like an advice you have.
Thank you!

|| Keep telling yourself you are happy until you smile on accident ||
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Adam the Fish Offline
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Re: Best "Friend"? - September 3rd 2013, 10:12 PM


I'm sad to hear that she's being quite so disloyal to you at the moment.

Really, though, I'd implore you to try and work things out with her by talking, calmly and maturely. Unfortunately, everyone makes mistakes - perhaps she has made one here, and it will be something she learns from. To learn the lesson though, I'll warn you, she might end up having to get to the same point you did.

As much as I think she's being immature and selfish, I don't think you should break up what is clearly a very important and supportive friendship with her solely over this.
If we're honest, we all make mistakes, and when hormones and relationship get mixed in, situations become increasingly complicated.

I think you need to tell her how you feel, and that you don't feel comfortable with her dating your ex, but I also think you need to respect her right to be free in who she chooses to go out with. You might very well be right that he is a mistake for her, but it's maybe down to her to discover that if you've already given her as much advice as you can.

Bear with her, and I'm sure she'll see more sense soon.

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