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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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DJ6622 Offline
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So confused and disappointed. - September 8th 2013, 03:25 PM

I am at a bit of a loss here guys. I am sure my friends are over the drama my family has provided over the years and my grandparents seem to only care about their kids...instead of us grandkids. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated.

My situation is fairly complex, so please bare with me. I am 16 years old. My parents had me when they were 17. They have had a crazy relationship since their teens. However, they brought me up separately with their respective parents rather than together. I did a week with each, ALWAYS. My Dad has always been a bit of a free spirit, a bit of a hippie. He is pretty cool and we have always been close. He has had a few relationships but he doesn't seem to ever be happy in them.

My mum got married when I was about 5 I think. Her and her husband had 3 kids. My beautiful brothers and sister. However, my mum has always been tragically in love with my dad so that hasn't lasted. About 3 years ago my mum and dad had an affair (as in mum cheated on my step dad with my dad - messed up right?! gets worse!)

So it was a bit crazy, because for the first time in my life, at age 13, my parents were together. I kinda liked it...kinda didn't. They fought all the time. I felt so sorry for my siblings who were so use to living with my mum and step dad, who NEVER even argued to the chaos of my parents. It got really hard at times, physical and police were called to the house a lot. I tried my best to always protect my youngest two siblings but they saw most of it too. My next brother down went and lived with my mum's parents because he couldn't deal with it.

But they would still stay together. It drove me crazy. I tried to hard to make them realise it was a train wreck but they'd always slag each other off and hate each other one day, Dad would move out too. But within a week they'd be back together and Mum always made out like I was the one trying to tear them apart - it wasn't there hideous relationship.

ANYWAY like 3 weeks on the weekend they had their biggest fight yet. Luckily none of us kids were home. But I we came home from a weekend away with my step dad and my dad was in jail. Mum said he'd hit her. I don't know if that is even true to this dad as he isn't a violent person and mum is prone to lies. He says he didn't. Anyway...

He took off...he grabbed his stuff and told me he had to get away. He said he would be back in 6 months with money to buy as a place so I could live with him too. He said he can't challenge mum for the house coz the little ones need somewhere to live.

So he left me. I am devastated. It all happened so quickly and I miss him. Mum isn't coping and cries constantly. I am scared she will lose her job...and she has a good job. I am looking after my siblings coz she isn't coping. She would still have him back. I so hope they don't get back together.

I am so angry yet so sad. I try and support them both but sometimes I just lose it and call dad and yell at him and tell him I hate him for leaving me in this mess. I also get so mad at my mum for not being stronger. I can't cope with her pathetic crying when her bad decisions landed her here.

I went to party this weekend as my step dad had the kids so it was just me and mum. I got really messed up and got brought home by the police. Mum went crazy at me and threw things asking me if she thought I needed it. It pissed me off even more. I thought it might make Dad come home to be honest but he just empathised with me and made me realise I was an idiot.

Am I being mean? Unreasonable? I just want my dad back and everyone to be ok. Its such a mess and I can't cope with all the bullshit and being in the middle anymore. I want to move in with my dad's parents but I can't leave my brother and sister with my mess of a mum. Please any advice on what to do would be great!

Thanks heaps for even reading.
   
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Adam the Fish Offline
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Re: So confused and disappointed. - September 8th 2013, 09:13 PM

Hi there,

Welcome to TeenHelp, although my sympathies as you've had to join at such a stressful time for yourself. We are really an excellent support network, so I'll start by inviting you to, any time you want, Private Message me; I reply pretty quickly, generally.

So, starting with your last few questions: you're neither mean or unreasonable.

You're having a really rough time, and you're clearly having a lot of stress put on you.
You really need to talk about it - that can be through forums or PMs, etc. here but you should also talk with a counsellor or other trusted adult (but not your immediate family) about it. Someone physically close to you could help with taking some the overbearing responsibility from you.

Right now, it's also perhaps an idea to get your mum to talk to someone else too. Maybe she could think about getting some leave from work?

You have a lot of responsibility that you could do without - if you're in the UK, this site might be of interest.
Ideally, if your mum can't cope, you need to get someone else to assist you because this is clearly having an unfair and seriously detrimental effect on your health.

Finally, the situation with your dad is far from good, but hopefully he will be able to help sort things out in the relatively near future. If you have any way of contacting him, maybe that can help with both getting your feelings out as well as stopping you missing him as much.

Again, I really am sorry that you're having such a stressful time - well done for seeking help here, and do contact me if you want. Make sure you also seek help offline to reduce your responsibilities, which are far too big right now.


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