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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Exclamation Is this normal? :/ - September 16th 2013, 09:54 PM

Lately.. my mom has been super mean to me. :/ Just earlier she yelled at me for taking a nap when I got home from college. She told me I was "sleeping my life away." She makes me feel really bad about myself all the time. She says she hates me, she calls me a bitch, and I just really dont know what to do. :/ She makes me so upset all the time, that I cry.. and when I cry in front of her, she calls me a baby. I try to be so nice to her :/ Ive gave her money out of my financial aid I received for college, I keep secrets from my dad for her.. and I'm always there for her when she needs to talk.. but honestly, I feel like I can't tell her anything because she'll just get mad at me. I feel really confused about it.. and it makes me really upset and sad.. and I end up blaming myself in the end. I just want to know... is this all normal? What can I do to stop this or make it less painful? :/ I just don't know if I can take it much longer... :c


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Re: Is this normal? :/ - September 17th 2013, 02:53 AM

First I want to say that I am sorry that you are dealing with this from your mom.
Second, no, this is not normal. It's not right for her to say those things to you, to take advantage of you, and put you in the position of keeping secrets from your father.
Boundaries need to be set, you need to discuss with her what is and isn't okay to do or say. If those boundaries are crossed there should be a consequence. I know this sounds like what a parent would do to a child but it works with all relationships. It took me a long time to learn that.


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Re: Is this normal? :/ - September 18th 2013, 10:23 PM

Nicole has the right of it. While I'm not about to set a standard for "normal" its definitely not ok what's going on, your mom is taking advantage of you, being unreasonable cruel (sounds like emotional abuse to me to say the least) and making you keep secrets from your dad. Yes, sometimes people just DON'T need to know things (ex. if someone says they're preggo but don't want everyone else knowing yet or, from personal experience, if someone at work confides in me about one of the kids parents I am obviously not going to repeat it if saying so will do more damage then good) BUT reasonably speaking making people keep secrets can be a negative thing (ex. if you knew your mom was cheating, would it be fair or unfair to withhold this information from your dad).

I think there are a few things you can do, especially along the lines of setting boundaries, like telling her you NEED that financial aid money, it exists to put you through school, not to fund her existence. The only exception I see here is if you get enough financial aid to live on your own and are still living at home so have chosen to contribute to bills, but I think if that were the case you wouldn't have brought it up as a problem, it doesn't sound like that's what's going on and rather your giving it to your mom for stuff that has nothing to do with contributing to your living expenses in place of moving out. You can also do things like when she tries telling you some "secret" tell her that you feel like she asks you to keep secrets for her far to often and that your not comfortable with it and she can't seriously expect you to keep things like X and Y from your dad but that others like A and B are ok.

As a last resort you can consider moving out. Being a student can suck, living expenses are high and that's why many live at home where and when possible...But at the end of the day you are an adult and if you have to make it work then you will, you can get a part time job or what ever to compensate for gaps in your financial aid. You're an adult so it's not like they can stop you if it comes to that




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Re: Is this normal? :/ - September 20th 2013, 06:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AppleLoverAsh View Post
Lately.. my mom has been super mean to me. :/ Just earlier she yelled at me for taking a nap when I got home from college. She told me I was "sleeping my life away." She makes me feel really bad about myself all the time. She says she hates me, she calls me a bitch, and I just really dont know what to do. :/ She makes me so upset all the time, that I cry.. and when I cry in front of her, she calls me a baby. I try to be so nice to her :/ Ive gave her money out of my financial aid I received for college, I keep secrets from my dad for her.. and I'm always there for her when she needs to talk.. but honestly, I feel like I can't tell her anything because she'll just get mad at me. I feel really confused about it.. and it makes me really upset and sad.. and I end up blaming myself in the end. I just want to know... is this all normal? What can I do to stop this or make it less painful? :/ I just don't know if I can take it much longer... :c
Yeah i dunno...I have the exact same problem. Must be National Bratty Mothers Day. Ha ha...yeah its not even funny.


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