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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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YoungK9 Offline
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They keep fighting... - September 20th 2013, 10:46 PM

My friends are fighting non-stop, & personally it's getting obnoxious because I'm always in the middle of it.

It start a few years ago,but they kept forgiving each other,& they'd stop fighting for awhile. But this year is different.Since the first day of school they've been fighting.One of the who's actually not truly my friend, keeps purposely making us angry,annoyed,depressed,& basically everything but happy. That's the reason they are fighting because she has no respect for anybody.

She also talks about some pretty disgusting things too. She's, uhh.... Sexually attract to my friend,& is obessive over her.ALWAYS wanting to be by her,& always wants to control her.

We'd try helping by telling her to stop,& we'd give her chances. Though she keeps doing it.

She has few mental illnesses(Anixtey,ADHD,& I think depression) but IMO it gives her no right to do this to any. She just doesn't do it to us,she does to so many people.

I'm kinda stuck on what to,suggestions?


   
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Re: They keep fighting... - September 21st 2013, 12:00 AM

I'd suggest talking to a teacher. You may not want to, but seriously, if you've given her enough chances and she's not changing her behavior, why should you have to suffer?
Make sure the teacher understands what you'd like them to say to her.
Good luck, I hope this helps!


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Re: They keep fighting... - September 21st 2013, 09:45 PM

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Originally Posted by Broken Constellation View Post
I'd suggest talking to a teacher. You may not want to, but seriously, if you've given her enough chances and she's not changing her behavior, why should you have to suffer?
Make sure the teacher understands what you'd like them to say to her.
Good luck, I hope this helps!
Thanks Broken Constellation


   
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Re: They keep fighting... - September 22nd 2013, 12:49 AM

If she is causing all these problems you probably just need to have an honest conversation with her first.

You're right on that having some mental health issues is no excuse to treat others badly. It can be hard if you're just in this "dark place", because it can be hard not to take it out on other people. Its not a "judgey" but it's not wrong to find it frustrating if she tries to act like X, Y and Z lets her off the hook--it doesn't. This might be something you want to bring up when you talk to her--so long as it is brought up sensitively.

But really, you need to let her know that her behaviour is causing you a lot of stress and that you don't want to have to keep putting up with it. Give her an ultimatum, tell her that she needs to cut the crap or you won't be hanging out with her any more. If she doesn't cut ot out then just stop talking to her. Afterall, do you really need to keep a friend around who will treat you like crap and what ever else? No? Exactly. So talk to her about it, tell her your problem, tell her to cut it out if she wants to keep you as a friend, then cut her off if she doesn't.




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Re: They keep fighting... - September 22nd 2013, 02:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Wallflower~ View Post
If she is causing all these problems you probably just need to have an honest conversation with her first.

You're right on that having some mental health issues is no excuse to treat others badly. It can be hard if you're just in this "dark place", because it can be hard not to take it out on other people. Its not a "judgey" but it's not wrong to find it frustrating if she tries to act like X, Y and Z lets her off the hook--it doesn't. This might be something you want to bring up when you talk to her--so long as it is brought up sensitively.

But really, you need to let her know that her behaviour is causing you a lot of stress and that you don't want to have to keep putting up with it. Give her an ultimatum, tell her that she needs to cut the crap or you won't be hanging out with her any more. If she doesn't cut ot out then just stop talking to her. Afterall, do you really need to keep a friend around who will treat you like crap and what ever else? No? Exactly. So talk to her about it, tell her your problem, tell her to cut it out if she wants to keep you as a friend, then cut her off if she doesn't.
Thank you!

Yea, I'm going to tell her that if she doesn't stop, I won't be her friend.

She's extremely sensitive,& has threatened to hurt herself,& physically fight with us, if we quit our friendship.

I don't know I'd tell, I don't want her to hurt herself, or hurt me or somebody else.


   
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Re: They keep fighting... - September 22nd 2013, 03:13 PM

She's manipulating you. I had a friend like that before, he was always *at least claiming* to want to kill himself cause he was so depressed, I'd freak out and talk to him and tell him it wasn't worth it, that he had stuff to live for etc... Then one time he did it right before I was supposed to be moving away, I was super stressed out and just had enough of it. So I basically flat out told him that if he was seriously planning to do that then he was leaving me with no choice but to call the police and have them to go his house to stop him (save him, what ever you want to call it), I finally realized that, yes, the marker of being a good friend was to support someone in dark times but that it wasn't my job to constantly have to talk him down and be afraid that if I failed that he'd be dead. I told him that I was willing to support him through what ever but that I couldn't always be trying to stop him from killing himself and that him wanting to kill himself was way out of my realm of capabilities and he needed real help if the really wanted to kill himself and that he was leaving me with no choice.... Suddenly he stopped threatening to commit suicide... I'm not saying all cases will work out like that, but I think for him he WAS depressed enough to think about it but he realized that claiming to want to do it was just a means to get attention and he found a better way of dealing with it cause he started getting better...

So if she threatens to kill her self or hurt herself or anything otherwise then you need to need to do something similar, if you truly have to call the police, then you need to do so, if you really need to tell a teacher then you need to do so. You can't keep a toxic friend around just because you are afraid of what she'll do if you tell her that enough is enough, she obviously needs help and the way to do it isn't to manipulate her friends, that just enables her to behave badly and enables her to never really get better. You'll be better off if you do that. She might hate you for it if you have to get someone to intervene, but you got to do what you got to do




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Re: They keep fighting... - September 24th 2013, 08:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Wallflower~ View Post
She's manipulating you. I had a friend like that before, he was always *at least claiming* to want to kill himself cause he was so depressed, I'd freak out and talk to him and tell him it wasn't worth it, that he had stuff to live for etc... Then one time he did it right before I was supposed to be moving away, I was super stressed out and just had enough of it. So I basically flat out told him that if he was seriously planning to do that then he was leaving me with no choice but to call the police and have them to go his house to stop him (save him, what ever you want to call it), I finally realized that, yes, the marker of being a good friend was to support someone in dark times but that it wasn't my job to constantly have to talk him down and be afraid that if I failed that he'd be dead. I told him that I was willing to support him through what ever but that I couldn't always be trying to stop him from killing himself and that him wanting to kill himself was way out of my realm of capabilities and he needed real help if the really wanted to kill himself and that he was leaving me with no choice.... Suddenly he stopped threatening to commit suicide... I'm not saying all cases will work out like that, but I think for him he WAS depressed enough to think about it but he realized that claiming to want to do it was just a means to get attention and he found a better way of dealing with it cause he started getting better...

So if she threatens to kill her self or hurt herself or anything otherwise then you need to need to do something similar, if you truly have to call the police, then you need to do so, if you really need to tell a teacher then you need to do so. You can't keep a toxic friend around just because you are afraid of what she'll do if you tell her that enough is enough, she obviously needs help and the way to do it isn't to manipulate her friends, that just enables her to behave badly and enables her to never really get better. You'll be better off if you do that. She might hate you for it if you have to get someone to intervene, but you got to do what you got to do
I asked her why'd she threatened it,& she said I just want attention,& she's doing it as a joke... Just makes me more angry with her.

I told her that if she keeps threatening it, I'll tell someone.She shouldn't be joking about suicide, or SH. She thinks injuring herself is a joke.

Though, I'm kinda depressed that we're drifting apart,& I miss her, we've been BF for the longest time. There are so many memories,of us, being friends.She just changed for the worst.


   
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Re: They keep fighting... - September 25th 2013, 12:37 AM

I know, drifting apart from friends can be hard. And it's hard to realize that there is a person in your life who is bad for you, but in time this pain will pass.

She really shouldn't be taking suicide and self harm as a joke and using it as a tool for manipulation and attention.

You're making the right choice by admitting there are better friends out there.




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Re: They keep fighting... - September 30th 2013, 06:21 PM

Your friend with few mental illnesses needs someone to talk to, someone who can see through her. It's better for her to see a good and patient psychiatrist to be able to help her calm down, fight depression and see things clearly. If she is not willing to improve for the better, it would be good for you to drift away from her.
   
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