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fmpro Offline
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is it OK to send a birthday card to someone incarcerated? Also is this feeling weird? - September 28th 2013, 11:30 PM

my mother is currently in jail until February for a financial crime and I am her 14 year old daughter. My dad said to find and write her a card to send her there since her birthday will be coming up. I have no problem doing this but some would say it is a bad thing since I would be supporting a criminal. Personally since her crime wasn't against me I think it is OK to support her in some ways like potentially sending her some books or something. If I do decide to send a card what should I write in it (I am horrible at thinking up more than one line to write) and was thinking of getting one of those jail themed related cards on the internet but then it might seem I am making fun of her, though I know she won't mind being teased like that

also, is this weird, I have talked to my on the phone while she is there and for some reason I feel more comfortable being open with her about anything now then when she was actually here. Any reason why I would feel that way now?

also, Instead of being scared or anything I can't help but feel a little excited maybe is the word Not in a malicious type of way but more in a teasing type of way. This whole thing is kind of a unique situation adn somwhat exciting. Not because I hate her or dislike her. On the contrary I had a good relationship with her but I definitely find it kind of funny that my mom is in the punishment situation now and is taking orders from others and it might give her a different perspective on certain things. Also because I know she is coming back in six months (not very long) and is not going away from forever or for years and years.
Also the fact having her gone for six months will give more freedom. I guess it is kind of childish to think that way but I cannot really help it
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Re: is it OK to send a birthday card to someone incarcerated? Also is this feeling weird? - September 29th 2013, 07:28 AM

If you want to send a birthday card, then go ahead and send a birthday card. Your mother committed a crime, but that does not mean she is undeserving of your love. I wouldn't see this as "supporting a criminal." I would see this as "providing moral support for your mother during a difficult time in her life."

It makes sense that you're able to be more open with your mother. Perhaps it helps to know that your mom can't "punish" you for anything you say or do, because she's far away and unable to reinforce anything. Once she comes back, you may not feel as comfortable opening up to her. Then again, you may feel closer than ever after this experience - only time will tell.

I remember responding to one of your other threads, so I encourage you to read that response. I would expect you to feel a variety of emotions in the months to come. Maybe you'll experience some excitement initially, followed by anger/resentment/sadness later on, once the initial "rush" as worn off. Whatever you end up feeling, remember to be kind to yourself. This is a difficult situation, and as the consequences of your mother's actions become more pronounced, you may find you'll feel differently, which is perfectly okay. Know that you have plenty of support, both from people you know in "real life" and on TeenHelp.

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Re: is it OK to send a birthday card to someone incarcerated? Also is this feeling weird? - September 29th 2013, 02:12 PM

It's a painful place that your mom is in. Trust me, she feels only sadness. She has made a big mistake but that gives you no reason to make yourself feel justified in any of your own. Yes, send a card! "I LOVE YOU!"....hello! There is nothing else that needs to be said. Have you ever been punished and put in a corner for 6 minutes? Imagine 6 months Seriously, your mom loves you. Right now the hardest thing for her is probably the fact that she misses you. Give it a thought. You only have one mom. After you send that card, be sure to send letters and make phone calls. Jail is the loneliest place to be besides hell.

Make her know you love her. Make her know that's why she can't mess up again. Make yourself understand that no one is perfect, but families can try to do better by standing together side by side. Your mom misses you, no doubt. Help her to do the right thing next time. We only have each other kiddo. 14...my goodness! I lost my mom when I was 13...just so you know. I'm kind of jealous that you have such an amazing opportunity to impact your mom's life. Wish I had that chance... Don't waste a single moment. Are you sending that card yet?

Last edited by Park Ranger; September 29th 2013 at 02:49 PM.
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Re: is it OK to send a birthday card to someone incarcerated? Also is this feeling weird? - September 29th 2013, 10:04 PM

Hey there,
It is completely ok to send your mother a card. I'm sure she would love it! She probably misses you tons and would love to hear from you!
Tell her what you have been up to lately, how school is doing, and that you love her. You could also tell her how much you miss her or how your family is doing. Keep it light and positive
It is normal to feel more comfortable talking to someone you don't see everyday. why do so many people come to TH for support? Because they don't really know anyone!!! Other reasons too, but its easier to share things when you are not around the person all of the time. An extreme example, I know, but it makes sense!
I hope this experience brings some positives for you and your mothers relationship. It's great to have someone that you feel comfortable talking with!
I hope everything is going well

Find your light in a new dawn.

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Re: is it OK to send a birthday card to someone incarcerated? Also is this feeling weird? - September 30th 2013, 04:03 AM

Hey there!

Sorry to hear about your mom. I think it'd be great to send her a birthday card. I bet she loves you and really misses you. It'd surely put a smile on her face hearing from you. Also, I don't see it as "supporting a criminal", I agree with Robin that it's supporting your mom during this difficult time for her. She must be really lonely right now.
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