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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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blurryface Offline
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Living with someone else. - October 14th 2013, 09:28 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

To make a long story short, my mother and I are moving from Arizona to Florida. My sister is more than likely moving to Texas with my dad. I'm only 16, and will be 17 in April. I've more than expressed to my mother, both respectfully and rudely, that I do not do not do not do not do not want to go to Florida. I'd be leaving behind what few friends I have, who feel more like my family than my biological one does. I think after much debate, my mother kind of gave in and said that if I gave it six months, I could move back to Arizona on my own if I wanted to. Thing is, no biological family except for my uncle lives here and I cannot go live with him.
I've talked to my friend, who is basically my sister, about it, and she took matters into her own hands and asked her parents. Apparently, her parents are 100% okay with me moving in. I don't want to be emancipated; that is, I don't want to be self-sufficient. I can't afford that yet. I don't have a job yet, nor my permit or license or a car. Can my mother "sign me over" to my friend's parents? Would we have to go to court? How does that process work?
I don't want to live in Florida. If I lived there, I'd be absolutely miserable. We'd live on the beach, which is something I can't enjoy because of my scars. I'd be away from the people who matter most to me. And living with my mother is driving me insane. We clash on virtually everything, and she doesn't treat me like the adult that I will be in a year and a half. I attempted suicide recently, and only after much begging from many people did she decide to allow me to be put on medication. I've self-harmed for years and living in this house and all its problems have made it nearly impossible to stop. I feel this goes beyond just typical mother-teenage daughter problems. I would rather be emancipated than live with her. If I lived with my friend, I'd be doing online instead of being forced to go to public school where I can barely function, and I'd feel a lot less pressure. I truly, truly believe this would be the right move for me. My mother has already said twice that I can do this, but I don't want to talk to her about it for fear of losing that privilege or that she'll go back on her word.
So basically my question is: how would that process work? Would it work at all? Any advice and input is appreciated. (Also, I might have rambled a little bit, but trust me, this is the short version. If I left something out or you're confused about something, let me know )

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Re: Living with someone else. - October 15th 2013, 10:26 PM

It sounds like you are in a tough situation, and I'm sorry to hear about that.

I think that if you feeling moving to Florida would for sure (100%) turn out bad, that it's a good idea to move in with your friend. As far as the legal system goes, I wouldn't even get it involved unless you absolutely have too. If she is agreeing that you can stay there, then there is no need to get the system involved anyway (unless you believe she will later change her mind, and report you to authorities).

However, Arizona Law is as states:
According to Arizona law, an adult is a person 18 years or older. A.R.S. section 1-215(3)

If a person is under age 18 in Arizona, he or she cannot leave home without a parent's permission unless he or she is fully emancipated, or the parents have lost their right to parental authority.

If a 17-year-old leaves home without permission from a parent or legal guardian, he or she can be prosecuted as an incorrigible child (A.R.S. 8-201(15)(c)). Some of the consequences of being found incorrigible include being fined, be placed on probation, and being ordered to do community service. The specific charges and consequences are left up to the officer of the court.

If the parent cannot control the child, the child can be removed from the parent's supervision. The child may then be placed in an appropriate living place, a foster home or some type or a state facility.

Even if the parent does not report the run away, Child Protective Services can become involved if the minor living away from home is not receiving age-appropriate supervision, is engaging in harmful conduct, does not have adequate food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or is living with an inappropriate person.

You will not be punished by being jailed, or fined, but moving out without your parent' permission will cause you a lot of problems. You may also cause problems for any adult who helps you.

Arizona Law (ARS 25-511) makes it a class 6 felony (imprisonment for 1 year and up to a $150,000 fine) if the parent of a minor child knowingly fails to furnish reasonable support for the parent's child.

Another Arizona Law (ARS 13-3613) makes it a class 1 misdemeanor (up to 6 months in jail and a $2500 fine) for a parent to cause, encourage or contribute to the dependency or delinquency of a child.

A minor who was made homeless as a result of being kicked out could be considered dependant or delinquent. It is also a class 1 misdemeanor under Arizona Law (ARS 13-3619) for a person having custody of a minor under sixteen years of age to knowingly cause or permit the life of such minor to be endangered. Being homeless or not having resources for food and shelter could be considered endangerment.
Overall, I guess if you want to be 100% covered and make the move-out legal (so she can't later change her mind and make you come back to live with her), then I would go about getting fully emancipated. Contact your local juvenal center/district and ask for more information about the whole overall process.

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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Re: Living with someone else. - October 15th 2013, 11:13 PM

Hey Summer, emancipation is probably the safest way to go legally, especially being so close to 18,but if that's not an option for you and both your mom and your friend's parents are willing, guardianship might be an option. In this case, your mom would give your friend's parents the right to care for you and make decisions on your behalf. They would basically take on the task of raising you as their own, at least until your 18th birthday. You would have to go to court for that and all adults would have to agree.

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Re: Living with someone else. - October 16th 2013, 02:45 AM

I really wanted to avoid emancipation. I am not ready to be out on my own just yet, as much as I wish I was. I can't afford that. But things are only getting worse and it looks like I might not have a choice if I really want to stay here and not go to Florida or Texas with my dad. She doesn't trust my friend and thinks she's irresponsible and doesn't trust her parents, while the truth is that her parents want me there and my friend is the most supportive figure in my life. It's a difficult relationship to explain, one I wish I could explain here and to my mother as well.
I talked to her about it a little tonight, but we didn't get very far because we've been fighting all day and neither one of us wanted to get angry again. I will talk to her more about it tomorrow and come back and ask for more advice/help if it's needed.

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