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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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SamMarie Offline
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My dad is abandoning the entire family - October 18th 2013, 02:29 PM

For the last couple years and maybe more, my dad has been talking about getting up and leaving the entire family and moving to a different country for his own happiness. He admits he's selfish and says it's his turn. He says he has sacrificed his whole life for everyone's happiness, but his own. It is obvious for the longest time that my parents don't love each other anymore, but my mom, myself, and my sister all agree that family is everything. How can my own father get up and leave like that? My sister and I are still in college, we don't have savings for us at all, he's the one giving us all the benefits because of his job. He thinks his life is so terrible. He honestly BELIEVES so. At his job, he commutes 45 minutes to get there and then he literally sits down and works on these relays. At the same time, he can go online and do what he wants like get on Facebook, ect. A little history about my dad, he has always had a broken family as well. My parents has never separated either, so, this to me is very taboo to make this decision. He is almost 55 years old and he acts like he's suffering the most. I work for assisted living taking care of people who are more than 90 years old. I just wish I could understand... I'll be living without my father the day I turn 21.




   
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Re: My dad is abandoning the entire family - October 19th 2013, 08:52 PM

Hi Sam. I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through with your father right now. I can relate, but can't relate to your situation at the same time. My father left my family when I was in the 6th grade, and two years later we lost our house, and my brother went to private school, so they threatened to kick him out (for tuition not being paid). It was a hard time for us all. However my brother moved in with my aunt, and I move in with my father a few towns over, and now everything is fine. I have a great relationship with my father, but he sometimes will say it would be nice to stop working in a factory (where he has worked all his life) and move to Arizona. However, he realizes that I depend on him, and no matter how much he'd like to do that, he never would.

I wish I could create you a magic potion that you can give your dad to drink so that he doesn't leave - but I can't. I guess all you can do is keep going. Get good grades in school, and then go home and hug your dad and tell him thank you for providing me this opportunity to get an education. Provide him with a reason for him to stay; but at the same time don't dwell in him wanting to leave.

You can't stop him from leaving if he really wants to, but maybe you can deter him.


Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: My dad is abandoning the entire family - October 21st 2013, 04:30 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that, having been through a similar situation myself I know how horrible it can be but the reality is, I don't think there is anything you could do to make your dad change his mind. You could try and suggest that he attempts to do what makes him happy without leaving his family behind, maybe finding a better job closer to home or something along those line and as Chris said, giving him a reason to say by showing how good things can be at home but otherwise, I don't think there could be much else you can do because if he wants to leave, that is his decision. I hope that it doesn't come to that though.
   
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Re: My dad is abandoning the entire family - October 21st 2013, 09:25 PM

Yeah, I don't think there's really much I can do, but rant about it. It sucks because I was always closer to my dad when it came to really anything. Without him, I wouldn't have gained my happiness with my boyfriend and had the education or became the person I am today. It is like the person who I looked up to with my problems, he wants to let go of all of that. I'll admit, I haven't really given him a reason to stay because I really can't persuade someone who wants happiness. My mother isn't really the romantic type... in fact, I've never seen actual love between my parents than my love for my boyfriend. I've live on this earth for 19 years now. It's hard to really deter someone who wants happiness especially when he truly feels the way he does. He mentions how we can always talking through Skype, but I think of it like... what if my children want to see his grandfather? They'll never see him. It's really sad. Truly. I guess there is an end to everything...and it can be out of our hands.




   
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