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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Mom problems - October 20th 2013, 03:32 AM

My entire life i have always had problems with my mom. When i was a little kid she either was working alot or traveling so i was mostly cared for by my grandparents. But after my grandmother died when i was in grade 5 things got worse. My mom basically stopped being a mom in a way. She relied on me alot to do dishes and laundry regularly and even when i was in grade 7 left for two months, which ment i had to help my grandfather take care of my two younger brothers. Some nights my dad would come over and help but usually not alot( they are divorced). I thought it was all because of my grandmothers death and i hoped at some point things would turn more normal and that i wouldnt be so relied upon to help raise my brothers and take care of the house. But that didnt happen. It continued for 2 years and then after that i stopped helping so much because a) i was tired of doing what i thought my mom should be doing and b) my depression had gotten fairly bad. Not to mention i wanted to be able to hang with friends and have a life outside of my family.

Now im in my last year of highschool and im not sure if i can finish partially due to my depression and anxiety but also cause of my mom. Its so stressfull to come home to her because nothing i do is good enough for her. She works maybe once or twice a week and the rest of the time its mostly spent doing nothing at all and when i get home she gets all pissy cause i hadnt done the laundry or dishes. Yet shes home all day and i havent seen her do a load of laundry in over a year. She gets me or my dad to do it since he moved in with us. She constantly tells me im going no where in life. She tells lies and puts me down when she talks about me to other family members or her friends. She also makes facebook statuses about how she highly doubts ill finish highschool and that my courses are a waste of money. Lately shes been telling relatives that shes going to throw me out next time we have a big fight. In the past ive tried telling her how it makes me feel butshe honestly doesnt care she just flips and makes it all about her. Im just so fed up and ready to give up! Any ideas or thoughts on what to do?
   
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Re: Mom problems - October 21st 2013, 11:10 PM

Have you ever been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or another mental illness? Many mental illnesses have a genetic component... meaning that parents and children can end up experiencing similar issues due to having similar diagnoses. Could it be that your mom is partially acting this way because she, too, is struggling with depression, anxiety, or another mental illness? If that's the case, then it sounds like you could both benefit from some professional help. If she's not willing to seek that help for herself (or for the sake of her children), then you can at least seek that help for yourself.

I know it's tempting to just throw in the towel and give up, when your mother seems to be rooting against you. I went through a similar experience when I was in high school. Fortunately, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be able to move out and live with a family member who could help support me while I worked toward becoming an independent adult. Your 18th birthday is right around the corner. Once you turn 18, assuming you have a "plan B", you can move away from your mom (and therefore away from a toxic environment). Perhaps you could begin to talk to your dad about the two of you moving out together, or the possibility of your moving in with an aunt/uncle/friend once you turn 18.

I wish I could say more, other than "talk to a counselor/therapist" and "hang in there"... but really, if you can manage to do those two things, you'll be in much better shape! No, things won't be perfect, but you'll be able to plan for your future and improve your living situation within the next year. Don't give up now, when you've come so far! Keep doing the best you can with school, start thinking about how you're going to get help (physically/emotionally/financially), and remember that things CAN get better from here.






   
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