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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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Name: Anna
Gender: Female
Location: West Virginia, US

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Join Date: November 30th 2010

My mom. Again. - October 21st 2013, 04:58 PM

My mom is sitting in the rocking chair, talking to my grandma and her old-age worker like my childhood was perfect. Talking about birthday parties that I never had like it's perfectly normal, criticizing others for having birthday parties for their children like it's the worst thing in the world. She's criticizing the way other people raised their kids, when she kept me trapped in this house home-schooled for so long that my house was a prison. Still feels like a prison.

It's really, really annoying. I'm sitting here gritting my teeth. And it's the same thing all the time.

I'm so angry at her. I have so much hatred bottled up toward her for home-schooling me and ostracizing me from society. I have so much anger that I'm filled with for her trying to manipulate me: My religious choices, my choice in boyfriends, the jobs I apply for. I am so angry with her for everything. I'm angry at her for never expecting to clean up after myself or to wash dishes, then suddenly criticizing me and yelling at me for not doing it when I turned twelve, like it was some sort of magic age at which point I was supposed to start carrying my own weight. I'm angry at her for trying to control which clothes I wear, for never agreeing that I look pretty when I feel pretty, but always pointing out anything that looks bad and making me feel extremely self-conscious of it. I'm angry at her for allowing my little brother to be dirty, fat, and spoiled.

The other day we went to town, and she yelled at me for telling my little brother to stop talking inappropriately about my bras and underwear. Then she brings my boyfriend into the conversation. "I bet if it was Brent," she says accusingly, "you wouldn't mind." And I told her that no, I wouldn't - I was angry, and I wanted to hurt her as much as she'd hurt me. She then threatened to remove the one day a week I'm able to see him, and began to harshly criticize his character, calling him a "kid" and "a boy, just like your brother".

Then she was taking me to his house, and didn't tell me she wouldn't drive up the mountain to his house until we'd driven entirely to the other side of the county. Then she wanted to take me home because he wasn't coming to fetch me from the bottom of his mountain. You wouldn't understand how bad this was; her eyes were bugging out at me because she was so frustrated and angry. Then she finally took me up to his house, and dropped me off without so much as a word to his family, who I think was somewhat offended.

My mother and I have the worst relationship of any mother and daughter that I know of. I'm not even joking. We have very few moments when we get along, and those moments are often interrupted by her yelling at me about the radio being up too loud or me trying to change a song even she doesn't like or some other outrageous bit of nothing.

I don't know what this post is about. Maybe I just wanted to tell you guys how excited I am that as soon as I get a car and a better job, I can leave this place. Maybe I just wanted to tell you guys so I'd feel like I was being heard, and so you guys could comfort me. I don't know. She just makes me so upset.

I can't wait for work this evening.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Chris Offline
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Re: My mom. Again. - October 22nd 2013, 11:01 PM

Hi Anna. I kind of know how you feel about things - my mother and I never really had a good relationship, and even went as far as verbal, and physical abuse. I want you to know that you aren't alone.

It sounds to me that overall you are being emotionally/verbally abused as well. I wish I could magically change things for you in regards to your home life, but I can't. Unfortunately I don't really have many tips that will drastically change your situation into a more positive one right this minute, but the following options are ones you can think about for the upcoming future:

-Moving into another family members house, or friends house (depending on your age, and the laws in your state - some allow 16/17 year olds to move away from guardians but they do have special regulations for it).
-Getting DCFS/family services involved (I don't really recommend this and I view this as an absolute last choice)
-Waiting until you reach that magic age of 18 (ie: dealing the situation), and then find a way to leave home (ie: get a apartment, live with a friend, etc).

Obviously these are really the only 3 options you have and all of them will take alot of effort, time, and patience. I'd personally go with option 3 (just dealing with the situation until age 18 - which I'm guessing isn't too far away for you).

Stay strong & Keep your head up!


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
InsaneAnnie
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Name: Anna
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Location: West Virginia, US

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Re: My mom. Again. - October 22nd 2013, 11:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris. View Post
Hi Anna. I kind of know how you feel about things - my mother and I never really had a good relationship, and even went as far as verbal, and physical abuse. I want you to know that you aren't alone.

It sounds to me that overall you are being emotionally/verbally abused as well. I wish I could magically change things for you in regards to your home life, but I can't. Unfortunately I don't really have many tips that will drastically change your situation into a more positive one right this minute, but the following options are ones you can think about for the upcoming future:

-Moving into another family members house, or friends house (depending on your age, and the laws in your state - some allow 16/17 year olds to move away from guardians but they do have special regulations for it).
-Getting DCFS/family services involved (I don't really recommend this and I view this as an absolute last choice)
-Waiting until you reach that magic age of 18 (ie: dealing the situation), and then find a way to leave home (ie: get a apartment, live with a friend, etc).

Obviously these are really the only 3 options you have and all of them will take alot of effort, time, and patience. I'd personally go with option 3 (just dealing with the situation until age 18 - which I'm guessing isn't too far away for you).

Stay strong & Keep your head up!


Best wishes,
Chris
Yeah, it's not that far away. I've also looked into emancipation laws for my state several times, and once I've got a better job and I'm sure I can make it on my own, I'll look further into that. As I've read it, the only way I could sign a lease or even rent a place in my own name is if I emancipate myself, which may only be achieved through convincing the court that I am, in fact, better off on my own than at home. That won't be too difficult to do, unless they require me to accuse my father of some form of abuse, too, which he has never done. They're still married, but he's been left oblivious to what goes on when he's not home for years. My mother always turns it around on me when he comes home from work and he's upset. But he's never said anything to me to hurt me. With any luck, I can plead inability to get along with my mother (due to conflicting religious and political views), maturity, and financial independence. I'd like the emancipation to be clean and with as few ill feelings as are possible.

Thank you, so much. It's nice to have someone who doesn't make excuses for her, and who sympathizes with me for once. I appreciate it.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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