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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Friend Problems - October 25th 2013, 08:49 PM

So my friend and I were in P.e a few weeks ago and randomly told me that me and a guy that just moved away from my school, that we would be a cute couple. I told her we wouldn't because it gets awkward for me and we really were just friends. She basically said whatever and waltzed off and started ignoring me. Some stuff had been going on at home and I was getting irritated easily lately so I snapped at her and calle her a b**** for ignoring me.we had to walk around the gym for a warm up and I stood I front of her. She then proceeded to tell me "move b****" before ignoring me again. We were also sharing a locker at the time so then after p.e, she took her stuff out of our locker and started sharing a locker with some other chick. She continued to ignore me in person and I went to talk with a counselor and she was brought in and we talked. She said it was fine and that was it. She just stopped talkin to me though. I keep on trying to seriously talk with her but she will only talk p me if I talk to her and she ignores all my texts. I asked her truthfully if that was why she hatese and she just said she is going through some stuff and she would text me. I tried texting her after that but she ignored me. I don't know what to do at this point. We use to be really close and I feels so sad that we aren't that close anymore. I just don't know what to do. It would be easier if she was mean to me ecause then I could have a reason to not like her but she justs avoids me and treats me like a stranger.i just really want us to be friends again.
   
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Re: Friend Problems - October 26th 2013, 07:37 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

First, don't call friends names, no matter how angry you are. You can't take back your words, no matter how much you apologize for them afterward. If you have a problem with someone, take some time to calm down before addressing your concerns with them.

It doesn't sound like this is all about what you did, though. If she is dealing with some other issues, then she simply may not have the energy to reciprocate. While it's not ideal, it also means your friendship may improve once things improve on her end. Your friend may need space, and by regularly texting her or asking her what's wrong, you may unintentionally be adding more stress to her life.

Sometimes, the best approach is to ask someone what you can do for them, vs. telling them what they need to do. If she says she needs space, then you can agree to do so and let her know she's welcome to reach out to you when she's ready to do so. Put the ball back in her court. I know it sucks to wait for a friend to "come around," but just because you're waiting for your friend to talk to you again doesn't mean you have to be miserable. Go hang out with other people! Keep the door open for your friend to walk back into your life when she's ready, but don't wait by the door and ignore other opportunities to socialize.

Finally, I do want to point out that you're 13, and middle school can be a time of many transitions. Old friendships fade as new friendships are developed. You may or may not continue to be friends as you grow older, and that's okay. It's a hard lesson to learn, and an even harder truth to accept, but again, losing her friendship (on a temporary or permanent basis) is not the end of the world.






   
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