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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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i just wanna be one of them . - October 27th 2013, 04:59 AM

At school, I have a small group of 5 dorky friends who think our group is perfect and all sunshine and rainbows. they think everyone is so happy with the group and that we can all be ourselves around each other. They think we all like each other. Haha...right. that is so far from true, it kills me.

Of course, I like two girls in my group. I love them more than anything, and though we have our problems, I might just have my two bestest girl friends right here. But see, the truth is, i can get along with other girls. I can tolerate most and even befriend ones that aren't annoying. However, I just don't feel as comfortable as I do with guys.
All I want is to be part of the guy's group. Use lunch time to play football, play pranks on each other, arm wrestle someone who will actually give me some competition, play video games with someone who actually knows what they're doing and not just being a 'CoD gurlxoxo <33!!' To get guys. I want to, oh I don't know, maybe make a sarcastic comment towards someone and, for once, not have to apologize for weeks because they got so butt hurt.
That's all I want. All. I. Want.

But...even though guys are friendly and open...they're not so open to having a girl in their group. Not even the tomboy-iest tomboy could get in a guy's group without putting up a bit of a fight...maybe not even get in at all. Really, i think I'd be happy just to hang out during PE with them. Get on their good side, y'know?? Would i be able to do this while still keeping my chick friends? I mean, I think they're already mad at me for just suggesting that we go hang out with the dudes. I really love them and don't wanna lose them. But I can't just go on pretending that everything is okay and that I'm happy with everyone. Because it's not. And I'm not.

Help.


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: i just wanna be one of them . - October 28th 2013, 09:27 PM

I was quite the tomboy in elementary school. I would play "Barbies" with the girls from time to time, but I LOVED playing soccer with the boys during recess. I was the only girl who did that for a long time. After transferring to another school, I quickly made friends with several boys; however, once middle school began, our friendships changed. Sure, they were still nice to me... but I wasn't "one of them" anymore.

I think some of the problem you're experiencing can be attributed to puberty. Like it or not, guys are going to look at girls - ALL girls - differently. Even if you are a tomboy, you're going to be a potential girlfriend to someone in that group. That's going to throw off the dynamics a bit. Fortunately, it has been my experience that things change as everyone continues to grow up. I'm in my mid-20s, and pretty much only hang out with "the boys." There are some guys who still exclude me (probably not consciously), but there are also plenty of guys who will take me up on offers to do "guy things" with them (I use that term loosely, as videos games, hunting/fishing/hiking, poker nights, etc. don't have to be gender exclusive).

My advice is to keep looking out for opportunities to make friends, both with guys AND girls. Who knows... if you keep looking, you may meet more tomboys who can share your interests without being "weirded out" by the fact that you're a girl. If your school has a club/organization that sounds interesting to you, consider attending one of their meetings. It certainly can't hurt to get away from your "default" group of friends (male or female) for a while in order to discover what else is available at your school. If your female friends want to hang out with you, then invite them to come along as you attend a club/organization meeting! (You may also want to point out that it's healthy for everyone, including your female friends, to have some variety in their lives. If they don't want to hang out with "the boys", then that's fine, but that doesn't mean they have to hang out with the same friends forever!)






   
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