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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Music4lyfe Offline
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Name: Alana
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Location: My own world

Posts: 31
Join Date: October 27th 2013

Friends and family - October 28th 2013, 03:14 PM

This is half rant, half asking for help.

My 'best friend' is probably the person who makes me feel like shit most often these days. Every time we get into an argument, she's right and I'm wrong. She doesn't even consider the chance that I'm right. Then, as soon as I get my point out in the open and she realizes I'm right (WHEN I'm right, I'm not ALWAYS right of course... But I am half of the time and she ALWAYS thinks she's right) she says 'Can we change the subject? It's not important!'... AM I THE ONLY ONE who thinks it's kind of low that she's perfectly fine with arguing and telling me I'm wrong UNTIL I prove my point, and then suddenly 'it's not important'. And the way she talks to me in our arguments is completely insulting. She acts like I'm 5, and stupid. Even though I'm a lot smarter than her at school. Infact half of the time she treats me like I'm 5, even though I'm 13... Just because she's just over half a year older than me.

Also, she's selfish in ways. When I have a problem such as anxiety because I have to talk to someone I don't want to, it's 'Alana, I'm not going to do everything for you! Face your anxiety!' (I don't even ask her to do a lot for me) but then as soon as SHE'S nervous around people, it's completely different. She doesn't understand my paranoia, my anxiety, my stress, my opinions... She doesn't understand me in general. I'm fine with that, not many people understand me... But what angers me is she makes no attempt to understand. She acts like she automatically knows how I feel and all about the conditions. Her family is just as bad. She had a panic attack in maths or something, and she told her mum, and her mum said "You've been hanging around Alana too much! Stop saying stuff like that or I'll ban you from seeing her!" YEP. TOTAL UNDERSTANDING. Anyone can have a panic attack, and it makes sense because my friend hates maths. But no, it's like a contagious disease I've spread on to her Fucking idiot. I seriously hate people. I feel so alone in this town. Apart from the bitch I'm ranting about, I have about... Two or three friends, who I haven't stuffed up my friendship with. And even then, I'm still a second option. Also, whenever we're both having problems and I just want to be alone (because that's how I recover. I like to be alone, with music, and something to write my emotions out on) she's like, 'Wow, you don't even notice that I -' blah blah blah. Well bitch, you didn't even notice that I'm having my own problems, and you didn't even notice that you have tons of other people who like you. I don't. I have me, my music, and my online friends. Also, she's constantly complaining she can't get a boyfriend. And saying 'Forever alone'. Meanwhile, tons of guys want her. It's understandable if she doesn't like them back, and says no, but you don't claim to be 'forever alone' when you could just say yes to one of the plenty guys who want you.

I only just heard what the mother said, and no. Let me talk about THE MOTHER for a minute. She's one of the most close-minded, misunderstanding human beings I have EVER met! She says that if anyone wears animal print, they're either prostitutes or have bad taste. She told her own daughter that if she died her hair blond (like her daughter wanted) she'd look like a.. I don't remember the word she used... But it had the meaning of slutty, bad taste, stupid. Every time her daughter gets anxiety, depression, or whatever, the mother blames me. Because I deal with that stuff. I MEAN SERIOUSLY?! YOU'RE A FULLY GROWN WOMAN, ARE YOU REALLY THAT FUCKING STUPID? She over-reacts a bit to mistakes too. Once, I accidentally leaned against a photo frame that my friend had in her room, and it got a little crack. Wasn't a big deal. When the mother saw it, I wasn't there, and she went off at her, and told her to tell me that I owe her $15. Well... Sorry, but I don't have that money, besides it was an accident, and I'm sorry bitch but you make accidents too. She forgot about it a week later anyway. Also, the daughter does't get any gifts for her birthday or Christmas. At all. I mean what is that?! Yeah, I understand not everyone gets that. But clearly you can at least put a bit of money aside to at least get her a card or something to show you care. I'm more fortunate; I'm 'mum's miracle'. I'm an only child, and mum had ALWAYS wanted a little girl. She would have loved a boy just as much, but if she got the choice she would have chosen girl. She had a thyroid disease and her periods were slowing because she was getting old, and my dad had diabetes. Mum had been trying for years, and was about to give up, when I magically appeared out of nowhere. So, yeah. I get spoiled to death. I'm grateful for that.

I understand that this girl hasn't had the best childhood, but it doesn't mean she's the only one who's had a rough childhood. I've been hated on and bullied since kindergarten, and my parents had been arguing most of my life, and mum left my dad when I was 8. Now, I don't think my dad cares about me. He's a 15-20 minute drive away, and he has some pretty damn fancy cars to get him here. He doesn't ever call, he doesn't ever come by to see me, I'm lucky if I see him once or twice a year. He doesn't even really call on my birthday or Christmas. My cousins do. My cousins get me gifts and make an effort to stay in contact, and they're 3 hours away. I grew up with a mum who was depressed and isolated on the computer, and a dad whose only excuse to not go to my school concerts or dance recitals was 'I got a pub to run.' Last year, he came to my primary school graduation. That's the first time I recall him coming to one of my events. I grew up with next to no friends, a father who honestly didn't seem to care at all, and a mother whose only reason for living was me but was too depressed to come back to real life (she spent all her time on the computer). I've learnt, by the age of 13, that people WON'T always be there when you need them. No matter how much they say they will, they won't always be. My 'friend's' dad at least makes an effort to stay in contact with her, even though he lives AGES away. She's leaving for a week to go see him this week. So no, neither of us had a 'good' time growing up. But you have to admit, my life isn't perfect compared to hers. She acts like it is.

She just pisses me off... And I don't ask her to be around, she just comes around. Whenever I try to tell her how I feel she gets butt hurt.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Chris Offline
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Name: Chris
Age: 24
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Re: Friends and family - November 1st 2013, 04:29 AM

Hey there. First off, I am sorry for the very late reply.

It sounds like you've had your fair share of problems growing up (as most people have had). I think you're at the stage in your life (age 12-19) where you start to see all your friends 'faults'. You can relate this to a relationship. Typically when entering a partner relationship, the first few months is a 'honeymoon' stage where you are getting to know each other, and you don't really notice the faults. Then after the honeymoon stage comes the reality stage; the real deal. During this stage you see all the faults, and you begin to fight over things that maybe aren't even a big deal. Usually this stage determines if you guys are meant to be in a relationship or not. These 'stages' are the same for friendships. You don't notice the faults, and then after a few months (or several months), you automatically do.

I can sit here all day and talk to you about what can happen, or the process of friendships/relationships, but let's just get to the point. You have the following options to pick from to solve the issue you are currently having:

1) Stay in the friendship, and deal with her.

2) Confront her one on one in an non-aggressive behavior (ie: talking, not yelling) and telling her how you feel about certain things. The best way to go about this is use 'I' statements, and not 'You' statements (ie: "I feel hurt when we always fight", instead of "You always pick a fight with me").

3) Leave the friendship. You can either do it slowly (ie: distancing yourself from her), or swiftly (ie: instantly stop talking to her).

These are the options you have; plain and simple. What would I do? I'd go with option #2. If after the conversation she still carries on with the negative behavior, then you would have to decide what choice to go with next (ie: option #1 or #3).

I hope things improve; and if not, I hope you select the option that will make your social/personal life a more healthy and positive one.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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