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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Symphony. Offline
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My friend's a real jerk and doesn't care, but I can't exactly cut ties. - October 30th 2013, 08:14 PM

So, I have this friend. I've been friends with him for two or three years now. To shorten things, lets call him A.
A has been a real asshole lately (as in, the past year or so), and he basically calls me bitchy when I defend myself/tell him he's bugging me. I'm really fed up, because he's incredibly immature and has no regard for my feelings. Today he was calling me a bitch and getting obnoxiously pissed off because I didn't want to give him a piece of my Kit Kat. (Like I said, he's immature). Yeah, maybe I should've stopped being greedy and just gave him a piece, but he should take "no" as an answer, considering I paid for it, right? And then he outright said that he has to put up with my "bitching" all the time, so he deserved a piece.
He doesn't know when to stop. He'll do things just to piss me off, and when I tell him to stop I have to keep repeating myself till I'm practically shouting because he won't stop. I annoy my friends sometimes just for fun, but if something genuinely bugs them, I'll stop doing it then and won't do it again in the future, where as he keeps doing the same things over and over purely with the intention of pissing me off.
And then he pretends I'm annoying him, that he's embarrassed to be with me, he'll "jokingly" roll his eyes when he sees me, and the thing is at this point it's become impossible to tell when he is and isn't joking. I genuinely am at the point where I don't really want anything to do with him, but I can't break it off.
I can't break it off because I'm in a group of friends with him. It's a small group, like 4 or so people including ourselves. The other people in the group are the closest things I have to really good friends, and they all love A, so cutting things off with him means cutting things off with them, and then I'll have no one. Not to mention we all sit together at lunch and stuff, and while we're allowed to change our seats, I'd really have no where else to sit at lunch and I'd feel really awkward and uncomfortable every day.
But I'm so, so fucking fed up with A. When I ask him to stop doing the things that bug me, he calls me bitchy, annoying, etc, and it gets to the point where I honestly just want to fucking smack him. Don't worry haha, I wouldn't actually, but damn do I want to.
Oh, and not to mention over the summer he told me he'd try to be better, yada yada, but he's only worse, and now he doesn't even attempt to listen.
So... I don't know what to do.


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Re: My friend's a real jerk and doesn't care, but I can't exactly cut ties. - October 30th 2013, 10:08 PM

Hey, Sarah!

Hmm, i'm not really sure what to do, but my advice would be to get angry at him and tell him With Anger and frustration, (Shout?) how you feel, Or just completely ignore him when he talks to you, then he'll get the message that you are 'Angry'

This worked for me because the person who was irritating me got the message clear that i was angry, and didn't want to make me even more angry. For their sake anyway


I'm sorry i couldn't be more help! I dont know much about this, and it all depends how stubborn he is too.

And considering my advice is more of a -Intimidating/violent way of dealing with it

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend's a real jerk and doesn't care, but I can't exactly cut ties. - October 30th 2013, 10:28 PM

Thanks for the advice, but I think that would only make him more mad at me, knowing what his personality is like...


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Re: My friend's a real jerk and doesn't care, but I can't exactly cut ties. - October 31st 2013, 12:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Symphony. View Post
Thanks for the advice, but I think that would only make him more mad at me, knowing what his personality is like...
Its okay, And what do you mean?
   
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Re: My friend's a real jerk and doesn't care, but I can't exactly cut ties. - October 31st 2013, 01:14 AM

Hey there. I'm sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I've been in very similar situations as you, and I know it's not fun dealing with a person like this. As far as I see it, you don't have many choices here. But I'll list all the ones you do have:

1) You can continue the way you are going. That would mean dealing with his manipulation and moderate-level of verbal abuse; or try to get him to stop (although I can guarantee he won't using this option).

2) You can attempt to talk to him. When it's just you and him and no one else is around, tell him you don't like it when you're called names, and sometimes you just need a break from all the jokes and harassment. If after this positive/respectful conversation (meaning no yelling/screaming) he still doesn't change his ways, then you need to pick either option #1, or #3).

3) You cut ties. Yes, cut ties. Meaning you find a healthier group to get involved in. You find some new friends who will be there for you, and who will treat you with respect (but still laugh and joke around too).

What did I do in this situation? Well, I tried option #2 - because why not try it? Then after it didn't work, I actually tired it again. Since my attempts to resolve the issue failed, I cut ties with him, and my group (although I told my group why I was doing it, and later they entered a separate group with me). It was tough leaving that group, and it took weeks before I found new friends who I had made 'close friends'. But in the end, and after rejection from many groups, it was most definitely worth leaving that verbally abusive friendship.

I hope you are able to resolve the issue you have with this friend. If you can't, then you will have to make a decision.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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