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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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YoungK9 Offline
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Should we be friends again? - November 12th 2013, 09:15 PM

I really hope I don't come of as sounding rude in this thread.

So one of my friends wants to be friends with me again.She just recently got dumped by her boyfriend. Her BF has her biggest support system, & even before the breakup, she was having issues. Her dad fell out of a tree stand while he was deer hunting. Unfortunately, this left her dad was left from his wait down. That, & then the possibility of her parents getting divorced.

I feel bad for her, she now has no support, & she has very few friends.

But, she has treated me like dirt, reason why I asked I'm asking this.

She spread a rumor about-which caused me to get bullied, & one of the main reason why I am depressed. She betrayed, talked behind my back, talked in rude way to me, & got angry if she wouldn't get her way.

I'm just afraid if I DO be her friend, that something will eventually happen. Because this has happened many times, & it just let to us fighting & her treating me like dirt.But seeing everything she is going though, I don't know.




Last edited by YoungK9; November 12th 2013 at 10:55 PM.
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: Should we be friends again? - November 13th 2013, 01:29 AM

Hey there.

I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I totally understand that it may not be an easy decision to make. I want you to think about the following:

-What will you gain from being in a friendship with her?
-What are the possible risks? What are the possibly rewards?
-How will your health be affected if she decided to be rude again and start issues?

Overall, to me this friendship would seem like a very give give give/one way street type of situation. For example, you're thinking about allowing her back in your life to provide support to her; but that's still a form of giving. What will you receive in return? Will she do anything for you? Most likely, she won't. And of course, the worst case scenario is you provide her support; and she still decides to back-stab you; then you gave gave gave until the point where your health becomes a factor (ie: severe depression, etc). Friendships need to be give AND take; there needs to be equal and healthy benefits for each person, otherwise they will never work.

So it seems to me that there is so many cons in the situation, and not many pros. My advice? Stay away from that friendship, and look after your health first. If you don't have a good health (physical / mental / emotional) then most likely everything else will fall apart. Take care of yourself first, then decide if you're willing to take the risk to help others.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Should we be friends again? - November 13th 2013, 02:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris. View Post
Hey there.

I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I totally understand that it may not be an easy decision to make. I want you to think about the following:

-What will you gain from being in a friendship with her?
-What are the possible risks? What are the possibly rewards?
-How will your health be affected if she decided to be rude again and start issues?

Overall, to me this friendship would seem like a very give give give/one way street type of situation. For example, you're thinking about allowing her back in your life to provide support to her; but that's still a form of giving. What will you receive in return? Will she do anything for you? Most likely, she won't. And of course, the worst case scenario is you provide her support; and she still decides to back-stab you; then you gave gave gave until the point where your health becomes a factor (ie: severe depression, etc). Friendships need to be give AND take; there needs to be equal and healthy benefits for each person, otherwise they will never work.

So it seems to me that there is so many cons in the situation, and not many pros. My advice? Stay away from that friendship, and look after your health first. If you don't have a good health (physical / mental / emotional) then most likely everything else will fall apart. Take care of yourself first, then decide if you're willing to take the risk to help others.


Best wishes,
Chris
Well, I'm physically fine, I'm not mentally or emotionally well(saying that I have depression, irritability ,& many others).So that is defiantly a factor in the friendship.



Last edited by YoungK9; November 13th 2013 at 02:29 AM.
   
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Re: Should we be friends again? - November 20th 2013, 04:16 PM

Hey,I think that everyone deserves a second chance.Try ang being friends.Well everyone can do wrong things,no?Maybe one day you'll do something wrong and you'll need help.But I think that a second chance is enough.She doesn't need a third one
   
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Re: Should we be friends again? - November 25th 2013, 08:50 PM

She's gotten more than 2 chances, a lot more....


   
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Re: Should we be friends again? - November 25th 2013, 09:04 PM

If she has hurt you so much, I think it's not worth the risk to be her friend. Your first priority should be your health (and yes, that includes mental health). It's not your job to be her support system if it hurts you. That's a responsibility you shouldn't be obligated to take on. You are important and it's not selfish to put yourself first in this situation.
   
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Re: Should we be friends again? - December 5th 2013, 06:58 PM

Friends don't do that kind of stuff to friends. I am in an anti-bullying performance group and we would definitely say that that kind of friendship was not healthy. That being said, rejecting her would be a form of bullying. My advice would be to stay friendly but not become too close to her. Keep your guard up. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...


I am the one who loved you. I am the one who stayed. I am the one and you walked away. I am the one who waited, and now you act like you just don't give a damn. Like you never knew who I am.
   
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Re: Should we be friends again? - December 11th 2013, 01:44 AM

I have had this problem once, (in one of MY threads) just tell her that you will be friends with her under one condition: she stops treating you like dirt! (make sure your up front with this and practically yelling or she won't listen) give her about 2 to 4 weeks and if within that 2-4 weeks she is nasty to you just straight away remind her or give her a warning about your condition if not just tell her it's over. I hoped that helped!

Liv
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