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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
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Is she worth the drama? (I'm really sorry this is long, but i really need help...please) - November 22nd 2013, 04:52 AM

Alright, so, I have this one "friend" at school. To make a really, really, REALLY long story short, I'm just gonna say the main problems I'm having with her lately.
-I liked this one guy for about a month, and she knew it. Suddenly, she decided she liked him too, so she got all in his face and flirted and everything. Then she decided to do the right thing and "let me have him". But then my real friends told me she was still flirting with him like crazy behind my back. Finally, she completely pushed in front of me and now he likes her and she likes him. I don't care, y'know, like I really don't give a crap anymore...but he deserves so much better, and I'm not saying I'm better. but I know for a fact that she switches guys in the blink of an eye, for something as stupid as a mean comment that slipped out that she took the wrong way. She likes 5 other guys. She has this way of always getting her way, too.
-she needs someone to walk around with her everywhere. she's pulling me away from my real friends just so she can "write her feelings out". I shit you not, she literally pulled me across the lunch area so she could write a note. she always needs someone to go everywhere with her! I mean, I've basically been the only one there for myself my entire life. I survived up to 7th grade, all alone, barely any friends. She needs to grow the hell up and realize how to do crap on her own, because someday soon, nobody's gonna be there to get a drink of water with her. When I asked her what's gonna happen after college when she needs to write out her feelings but theres no one there to "help" her do it, she got all offended and ignored my question. Then I asked why she needs me all the time, and I could almost see her trying to think of a quick lie, when it clicked and she said "because I almost got raped one day when I was alone." She's lied to my face a thousand times before this so...yeah. but she'll always deny the lie.
-finally, if i don't walk everywher with her, she gets all mad and cries to make me feel bad. Today, she called me a bitch because i wouldn't share my lunch with her. I didn't wanna share because there's literally no food in my home, so I had to buy this stuff on the way to school. Then she whined until I gave her a cookie, and she walked away to her other friends. I turned to my group and everyone asked why I gave her food after she called me that. I said because if I didn't she d get mad and spread rumors about me. they all agreed. So this one tough girl was giving me advice and we all kinda joked aabout the girl...how we were like her slaves and stuff. She was standing right behind me when I laughed at them, so she got all upset. She made about three or four people walk wwith her, aand started saying all the bad stuff that I was doing, making me seem like the bad guy. Now, even though we made up, those people look st me a different way, and I don't like that. People have hurt me and abandoned me my whole life, and I never said a word about them. Whenever I say that my life is just as hard as hers, she lies about something else that's happening. I'm crying ad I'm typing this because I feel so stuck. If i stay her friend, I'll lose valuable time in MY life. But if I stop being her friend, she'll spread rumors about me and I'm truly scared for that to happen.
Here are the pros and cons to being her friend...

CONS
-she only talks about her problems
-when I talk about my life or stories I have she stops listening to the conversation
-she whines until she gets her way.
-she gets whatever she wants
-she cries or gets mad if I do anything wrong
-shes a liar, a backstabber, and a brat
-she's really overdramatic
-she only cares about herself
-she doesn't care about my feelings or what I want to do.

PROS
-it's easy to make her laugh, and I get a boost of energy when I make people laugh.
-she always knows the latest gossip.


Do I need to break off this friendship? And if so...sshould I? I mean, th e risk is big...getting rumors spread about me?? I would never live through that.
Should I talk to someone at school about this? Like a teacher or the counselor??


Look, I really hate to bump threads, but I literally have the rest of today to figure this out..


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
haunted by the ghost of you

Last edited by Chris; November 22nd 2013 at 09:15 PM. Reason: Combined posts.
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: Is she worth the drama? (I'm really sorry this is long, but i really need help...please) - November 22nd 2013, 09:31 PM

Hey Jess.

End the friendship.

Plan and simple. The relationship you currently have with this girl I wouldn't even describe as a friendship. The only reason she is involved in your "friendship" is not because of your personality, it's because it benefits her. She won't have to be alone, she can always have someone to talk down to, etc. This is nothing near a friendship. This is a one-way street, and she's getting all the good things out of the relationship, where as you are getting nothing from it.

So you're worried about Rumors? Jess, to be completely honest, when you go to college, you will never talk to any of these people again. In most cases, you may never even see them again (except for reunions). If she decides that she wants to spread rumors about you, then there is nothing you can do but deal with it. If someone brings it up to you, say: "Rumors don't define me, nor does anything else she has to say about me. Believe what you want." No point in arguing with others, just simply deny the rumors, and if no one listens to you, walk away.

Real friends, won't threaten you with rumors. Real friends wouldn't put you in this place to begin with. She isn't a real friend, and this "friendship" is toxic - so get out of it. The rewards will be much greater than the consequences.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...

Last edited by Chris; November 23rd 2013 at 06:39 AM.
   
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Re: Is she worth the drama? (I'm really sorry this is long, but i really need help...please) - November 23rd 2013, 12:43 AM

I honestly don't think she is worth the drama. You had more cons listed about keeping her your friend than pros, and the cons you did list were pretty big, important things.

Chris is right that she seems to be only in this friendship because it is benefitting her and because she knows you will do things like stay with her and give in and do things like share food.

He also gave a good thing you can say if anyone does spread rumors. But, remember that your true friends will always stay by your side no matter what, rather than believing silly rumors. Anyone who stops talking to you after that are people you may not have wanted to associate with to begin with.

I don't think you should have to deal with the stress of staying friends with her.


   
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Re: Is she worth the drama? (I'm really sorry this is long, but i really need help...please) - November 23rd 2013, 03:44 AM

How do I stop being friends though? In a nice way...?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
haunted by the ghost of you
   
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Re: Is she worth the drama? (I'm really sorry this is long, but i really need help...please) - November 23rd 2013, 04:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess~ View Post
How do I stop being friends though? In a nice way...?
It might help to gradually pull away from her. For example, the next time she tries to drag you away from your friends during lunch in order to "write her feelings out," you could say, "Hey, this isn't a good time. I'm in the middle of having lunch with friends. Can you find someone else to do that with, or do it on your own?" By gradually and politely turning her away, you can begin to put some distance between the two of you. Who knows... she may decide to end the friendship on her own, after realizing that you won't be there for her in the same way that you were before.

I urge you to remain civil at all times, regardless of what this "friend" says or does. I can see you're worried about rumors, but the rumors will only destroy your social life if there's any truth to them. If you are civil, and other people see that, then they will be less likely to believe the rumors. If you make jokes about her (even once), that can change everyone's perception of you. Don't stoop to her level! Find ways to gently disengage from her, and focus on the people who are kind to you. They'll believe you over any rumors they hear if you can manage to do that.






   
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