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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Rin
Gender: Female
Location: Nowhere

Posts: 7
Join Date: November 25th 2013

Money problems with family - December 9th 2013, 12:44 PM

I'll just start at the beginning. I hope that I would get truthful answers and advice on how I can manage this situation. Sorry that it is VERY long...

Okay, firstly, my parents are not very generous with their money. They are actually very stingy. They spend the least they could on me and my siblings. How do I know this? Well, here's some of the clues:
1. Most of the clothes my brothers and I have are hand me downs and usually torn or worn out. And I never went wardrobe shopping in my entire life.
2. (Ehem, please forgive me for saying this) If I use a pair of undergarments a day, I wouldn't even have enough to last a week.
3. My parents try to not give me money at all, even for daily allowance when I go to school. They keep trying to pretend that they forgot. They would wait until I ask them (I hate asking them) and they would very grudgingly give it to me. When I have to go for school outings, they wouldn't even give me any money. Once, I went for a school trip that lasted 3 days and I didn't have a single dollar on me.
4. They won't even give me money for my most basic requirements. They won't give me money for transport eventhough my school is 3 hours away from home. They won't give me money to buy stationery even when I run out of every single pen and pencil. They sometimes won't give me money to pay for books that the school wants me to purchase.

Those are just a few things that my parents do to show that they are REALLY stingy with their money. Furthermore, it is not enough for them to spend as little money as they could on me. They also take money from me.

I have always been doing well in school. Although I have more family problems than most of my friends, I never once allowed my grades to drop. As a result, I have always been receiving money for good grades since I was 7. The amount varies from $150-$500 and I receive it every year. And every year, my parents would take the money and use it on themselves AGAIN. My bank account has been empty except for a few cents for a very long time.

Just today, I received my salary from my part-time job. My mom immediately asked me for it but I said no. Then she started yelling at me and saying how ungrateful I am, that she gave birth to me, fed me, clothe me and so on and that I have to give my salary because I have to pay her back for raising me. Even after she said all that, I still said no. Then she complained to my dad and the whole yelling at me started again.

I don't know if I am being selfish with my money or not. I have always been very cautious about my money as I always never had enough. Thus, I hate giving away my money when I know that I needed it for myself.

Am I being selfish? Should I just give them the money or keep it for myself? What am I supposed to do about my parents? Please help, I don't know how to handle this situation anymore...


Sometimes I wish the world would just stop turning and just stay the way it is right now...

It doesn't matter if you take advantage of me.
It doesn't matter if you hurt me.
It doesn't matter if you neglect me.
Just stay the hell out of my way when I'm moving forward.
And I'm not dragging your sorry butt with me.
   
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Chris Offline
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Name: Chris
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: Illinios

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Re: Money problems with family - December 9th 2013, 11:48 PM

Hi there, Rin.

I'm really sorry to hear about your living situation. I too, have been through some rough patches regarding finances throughout my life. We (my family) lost our house when I was alittle younger. However it seems to me (from what you've told me) that your parents do have enough money to keep your house, cars, and pay the bills - but yet won't give you (or your siblings) any money. That leads me to believe the following:

1) Your parents are actually in a financial crisis but don't want to tell you guys in fear that you may get stressed out, and/or in fear that it may affect aspects of your life.
2) They're in some sort of debt (i.e., to a loan company, gambling, etc) and/or have some sort of addiction (i.e., drugs, alcohol, etc).

However I do want to tell you that I've dealt with my mother using both above options. We did have a financial crisis, and I did help out by working two part time jobs and giving her 70% of my pay-check, but after we got out of the financial crisis she still asked for money to "help her out". Not knowing what that meant at such a young age I decided to give her money, and little did I know she was using it to buy drugs.

So, as far as answering your pressing question: "Am I being selfish? Should I just give them the money or keep it for myself?", that's all up to you. My advice would be to talk to your mother and/or father and ask them if they really do need help paying for something, or if they're just going to spend it on senseless things. If you truly believe that they're not in some sort of financial crisis, and that they're using the money towards stupid things, then you have every right to keep your money.

In the end, try to analyze the situation and figure out what you feel is the best plan of action to take.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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