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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Melody Pond Offline
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meeting up with old friends... - December 17th 2013, 12:13 AM

I'm currently home from Uni for Christmas and I'm thinking about messaging some old friends on facebook and trying to meet up.
It's been about 3 and a half years since I last saw them and I lost contact with them when me and my ex split because they were mutual friends, they didn't take side but my ex was at everything they invited me to so I always said no and then they understandably just stopped asking. When we all left 6th form and went to uni etc it was harder to stay in touch then so I haven't spoke to them in a while.

Recently I've been thinking about when I'm at uni and people talk about their friends at home I realise I don't have any anymore and when I come home for holidays I never meet up with anyone which is really sad.

At the moment my closest friends are a small group at uni and my boyfriend. I fear I'm going to lose touch with my friends at uni when I graduate in July, I will hopefully make friends when I get a job but I don't want to just have work friends and my boyfriend...

I really want to message some old friends but I keep typing it and then chickening out and deleting it, I don't know why I am so nervous about this. Any advice?
   
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Re: meeting up with old friends... - December 17th 2013, 02:24 AM

I understand. I've changed a lot since I've gotten to university, and so for me, seeing people from my hometown is kind of a weird experience because I feel like I was a completely different person when they knew me. I would suggest messaging them if you're comfortable, and if the conversation is awkward, I'd consider whether or not it's worth it to see them in person. It can often be very awkward to face people who you haven't seen in so long, especially if your life has changed a lot, and theirs hasn't. But if you feel like it'll give you closure and you feel like you can rekindle a relationship with these people, I'd say go for it.
   
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Re: meeting up with old friends... - December 17th 2013, 05:53 PM

I can totally understand that. I had similar problems, I still talk to a few friends back home (maybe 3 people who I've always been close too besides family like my 2 aunts) and even became closer to some people who I'd never been close to before going to university, then I lost touch with others. For me I find it's a fine line, it's hard to catch up with everyone cause I only go to my hometown once or twice a year. When I graduate from university and move away next summer (which I know I will, if it isn't right away it'll be within 1-3 years depending what goes down) I might not bother coming back here even that much, partially just cause a lot of my friends here will also move away and I don't have any solid roots here solid enough to bother. It's a natural fear to worry you'll lose touch with your friends. But it can be compensated for easily just by making a point of keeping in touch.

What's helped me when getting back in touch with high school friends is to just sort of swallow it and hit enter. You don't have to start with a big spiel. Just maybe a brief "hey, how are you? we haven't talked for so long, I thought it'd be cool if we caught up" and let them pick up from there, that way if they just are on some other trajectory or what ever there isn't any pressure for them to like, read your life story or give a shit about old inside jokes or, in turn, say something back that's long or clever, especially if it's long they might not be sure how to respond to something from someone they haven't talked to late, the spiels can come later.... Other things I've done is like, when I found out an old high school friend was pregnant (we were never close but we were friendly and more than acquaintances but just never close friends and she is a friend on my FB), so I ended up sending her a PM and congratulating her, then we talked once or twice more and just sort of gone from there, so if you see osmething like that you can always congratulate them privately then yeah, just start of small and brief




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: meeting up with old friends... - December 18th 2013, 07:27 PM

Hey there.

Well I have certainly been in similar situations as you. Losing connection with people you once really were connected to is a very hard process. Honestly, friendships and the circles they live on are hard (and sometimes not understandable) processes. Recreating that connection (i.e., bonding) is even harder than creating new friendships all together, so I give you credit for trying.

Your best bet is to simply keep the message simple, but also semi-emotional at the same time. What I mean by that is sending a "Hi", most likely will get you no response. While at the same time, sending "Hey ____! I miss you alot! Let's meet up sometime?!" might get you a greater and more on-topic response.

So write up something simple (but semi-emotional), and then just hit that enter button. Now also understand that it may take them a few minutes, an hour, or even a few days to response to your message - so don't get upset over it! Be patient.


Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: meeting up with old friends... - December 18th 2013, 09:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris View Post

Your best bet is to simply keep the message simple, but also semi-emotional at the same time. What I mean by that is sending a "Hi", most likely will get you no response. While at the same time, sending "Hey ____! I miss you alot! Let's meet up sometime?!" might get you a greater and more on-topic response.
Thing is, I don't miss them.

Last time I saw them they were all spending their time drinking and doing weed a lot. I'm not really into either and I'm doing a healthcare professions degree so I don't want to get mixed up in anything to do with drugs because it could lose me my registration. From the looks of things on facebook this hasn't changed a lot, they are all at uni but they are all doing game design courses so they are hardly in uni and spend their time partying...

I think I just wanted to try and meet up with them because I feel lonely when I'm at home for holidays. I spend time with my family which is great but after a few days I start to get bored and lonely.
I'm also not very outgoing so I worry making friends so I guess I felt getting back in touch with people would make me feel a bit better about that.
I guess once I finish uni and get a job and settle down it will get better and easier to make friends without moving around and I'll have work which will help me meet new people.
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: meeting up with old friends... - December 18th 2013, 10:16 PM

Hey there, Rachel.

If you would allow me, I'd like to be completely honest with you. After reading what you wrote (regarding what these friends do in their spare time), I don't think it's best for you to hang out with them. On the other hand, I can totally understand you being lonely, isolated, and maybe not happy with being 'alone' but ask yourself the following questions:

-Can hanging out with them jeopardize your future career path?
*If so:
-Are you willing to risk it? Are you truly willing to destroy your career path (and waste all those years of education) just to have hung out with them?
-Are these friends ones in which will motivate you and your career/education path; or ones that will damage it in some way?
-Will these friends bring good, healthy, and positive things into your life?

After seriously thinking about these questions, I'd re-evaluate your decision to talk to them (and try to hangout with them). I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be lonely, get my education, secure my career, and proceed on with my life in healthy and successful manor instead of taking risks and jeopardizing all the work I've put in.

You may not be outgoing, but that's a goal you can arrange for yourself to change. Don't settle for just "friends". Only settle with/for people who will enrich your life: making it healthy, positive, and in which will also motivate you to be a better person in your everyday living. Those are the types of friends you want (and deserve), not the ones your thinking about hanging out with.


Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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