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My mum causes my depression - December 20th 2013, 05:21 AM

Since I was 15 and made a mistake of lying and going behind my mums back things have become really bad. At first, I thought maybe she would forgive and forget, but 4 years later nothing has gotten better, only worse.
A mother is supposed to be that person who a daughter can talk to and rely on and trust as well as go to for help. With my mum, it's always been the opposite. When she became physically abusive, I did what I thought was right. I got in touch with child protective services to see if she could get help. Thinking that would help anything was wrong. I have been called every name imaginable by my own mum, ranging from cu**, wh*re, sl*t, bi**h, and everything else not listed. She has told me she hates me and after finding out about my depression and cutting, she told me "if you want to go kill yourself then do it". She will get mad if we get her gifts for holidays because she doesn't want anything from us (my younger sister and I), but will get mad if we don't get her anything because then we are selfish and unthoughful people. I have been blamed for her marriage because I was three when she married my dad, being three apparently I needed a dad so she had to get married like it or not. And now everything that happens is our fault and not hers and I am to blame for our crumbling family. Her new belief is I dont respect her or anyone, but she can treat me how she wants because she is the parent.
I know and I have been reminded by several people that she has a problem and I am not to blame. But the constant name calling and put downs hurt me dispite what I am told. I have no self confidence because I walk around with what she says to me floating in my mind.
Does anyone have advice on getting her help or for me? Anything would be appreciated. I would love to even talk to people with similar situations.
   
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Re: My mum causes my depression - December 20th 2013, 05:40 AM

I'm so sorry for whatever you're going through.
Honestly, I'd say your mom is crumbled from the inside, she's completely lost and she can't find her way back, so she's frustrated about it and she's taking out that frustration out on you. I can somehow relate to you not completely but to some extent, I don't have an easy relationship with my mother, but my best friend always tells me one of us has to compromise and clearly our moms will not compromise, it's us who have to compromise, your mother compromised for a while now it's your turn.
As for the trust part? trust is like a glass, once broken it breaks into tiny pieces, it's hard to bring it back again and when you're trying to fix it, you hurt yourself your fingers bleed in this case that's your heart bleeding not literally but you get what i mean right? At this point both of you are confused and lost and scared.
You'll have to earn your mothers trust one day at a time and it'll get back to the way it was. Good things happen in a blink of an eye!
Support your mom as much as you can!<3
you need to be strong for your mom for your sister! and for yourself!

if you need to rant out, just pm me!
stay positive and keep fighting, you'll win this for sure! not today maybe but someday! <3

take care,
nayab!
   
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Re: My mum causes my depression - December 29th 2013, 06:27 PM

I'm sorry that she calls you those things. One thing that might help is to talk to another family member or close family friend about this. For example, you could ask your aunt, uncle, cousin, etc for help. Maybe they can talk to her and change things. Also, you or the family members/friends could look into some counseling services. Not just for your mom, but you too. If you both had counseling, it might make things better. If your mom is causing your depression, a counselor can help you deal with it and not be depressed. A counselor can also maybe talk to your mom and get some answers of why she does these things to you. And lastly, the easiest thing to do is continue to show respect to her. It might be hard, but if you respect her, she might start to respect you.
   
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