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Acr044 Offline
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Exclamation F***ed up life - January 2nd 2014, 10:38 AM

Warning I will swear a bit in this thread, so pardon my French in advance

There are a few things going on that are on my mind at the moment, such as my family life is fucked up, my mum is overly protective , my dad will yell at you for no god damn reason, and then there's my school life to deal with: Can't get a girlfriend, my friends (if you could even call them that) always call me gay, retarded, fucked up, and they go on about this one thing I said once like it's the funniest thing those mofos have ever heard.
Anyway, back to the family issue, my parents split when I was six, and ever since then they've been fighting and it has escalated to the point where they have to go to court and they call the other parent names in front of me and it's really pissing me off my dad has had heaps of girlfriends since the breakup and he found this one lady she was really nice and actually normal haha but that lasted about a week my mum likes to keep secrets from me, like whenever I ask her about things, she says "don't ask questions" And I don't know how to get around that And that's basically it for the family part of it, although the school part of my thread there is an issue with it.
In primary school (Elementary school for the Americans on this site) I was the smart kid, A's, B's, C's, never a D ever. Got picked on fuckin' every day. heaps. They weren't 't calling me a nerd or anything, so I have no idea why exactly they were picking on me for. So when I started middle school, I knew only a few people, and everyone else knew each other, so I was alone again. They teased me, called me gay, fucked up, all the way through 7th grade, meanwhile, the girls were throwing themselves at the other guys and I couldn't get a girlfriend no matter what I did. Act confident, I'm cocky. Act nice, awkward. Be myself, I'm some ugly creepy guy who has no friends and needs a face transplant. Hell, I've even tried not trying! But nope. Not a fucking chance. So I knew I need to get a clean slate, so I decided to think about getting a gf that goes to another school. But the tricky bit is my parents. My mum is under the impression that I'm still 9 years old. OH NO YOU CANT GO OUT BY YOURSELF YOULL GET MUGGED LALALALALALALALA Honestly shut the fuck up mum. So basically, I need... I don't even know what I need. I just need help on one of these issues, plz answer it would be greatly appreciated, and thankyou for listening to the most boring true story ever.

-Acro044

Last edited by Chris; January 2nd 2014 at 10:40 AM. Reason: Added: Non-PG13 (Strong Language) title.
   
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Re: F***ed up life - January 4th 2014, 08:02 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry you've been dealing with so many difficult issues for a large portion of your life. First, I want to emphasize that the only person you can change is yourself. I know that may seem obvious to you, but think about it. That doesn't just mean you can't change your dad, mom, peers, etc. That ALSO means you CAN change a number of things about yourself, including your mindset and behavior. It's important to recognize the things you do (and don't) have control over, and to accept responsibility for the things you can change in your own life.

So, with regard to your parents, you can try telling them how their behavior makes you feel. Separations/divorces can be very nasty, and parents don't always realize how their behavior affects their children. By voicing your concerns and asking for some changes in their behavior, you may be able to reduce your stress. Now, I can't promise your mother will stop keeping secrets from you, but perhaps she can stop calling your father names when you're present. Think of some other behavioral changes that your parents might be able to agree to - nothing that will lead to drastic changes or completely different lifestyles (e.g., your father no longer dating women), but certainly smaller things like not calling each other names when you're present. Try conveying how you feel to your parents when everyone is calm and not rushed to run errands, meet deadlines, etc. If verbalizing your concerns is too intimidating, then consider writing a letter to each parent instead.

With regard to your peers (and future girlfriend(s)), I'd suggest a couple of things. First, advocate for yourself! I can't imagine that EVERYONE in your entire school is calling you these horrible names, so think about the people who are most problematic. Then, think about how you can address the problems you have with those people. Is there a teacher, counselor, or other adult at the school that might listen to what you have to say? (I know it's easy to say, "No one will listen to or believe me," but how can you know that for sure if you haven't asked those people?) Would it be possible for you to avoid those people, so there's a decreased chance of being exposed to insults/bullying? Second, think about how you might be able to connect with people who aren't problematic. If your school has clubs/organizations that interest you, then consider joining one or more and getting to know the people in those clubs/organizations! This is where the new mindset comes into play. If you assume people aren't going to like you because you're cocky/awkward/ugly/etc., then it'll affect your behavior and make people less likely to befriend you. If, on the other hand, you approach the situation with a more positive outlook, then you'll probably be more likeable and encourage people to get to know you better.

You're not alone in your struggles. I know it can feel that way sometimes, but there ARE many people on TeenHelp who have faced and overcome the sorts of struggles you're describing. Hang in there, and don't give up on the idea of being happy!






   
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