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Name: Courtney Winchester
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Should i tell her? i'm going crazy - January 7th 2014, 08:56 PM

Well basically my 'Aunt' told me that she slept with my uncle when him and his ex wife were still together, and only a few people know included me now. The thing is my cousin i love her to bits and she asked my uncle if he did ever cheat on her mum (his ex wife) and he swore on her life that he didn't. Now my current 'Aunt' is a bitch i won't go into detail but she's just horrible, and i already have problems of my own now everyday i think if she found out and also if she found out i knew... she would never forgive me or her dad or anyone else her knew but i need her and i don't know what to do. should i tell her? or just wait?

Oh and my Uncle was there when she told me and he said he did.

Last edited by Forever Is A Long Time; January 8th 2014 at 01:55 PM. Reason: More information.
   
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Re: Should i tell her? i'm going crazy - January 8th 2014, 06:23 AM

I'm so sorry your "aunt" put you in this position. It wasn't fair for her to involve you in conflicts that aren't any of your concern. You said your "aunt" isn't a very nice person... I wonder if she said this for the sole purpose of causing you (and potentially your cousin) emotional pain. It doesn't sound like she shared this information because she felt guilty and wanted to get it off her chest.

Let's face it - if your "aunt" isn't a very nice person, then what's to stop her from making up hurtful lies about her husband? Is there any chance that this story could be false? Is there any chance that your "aunt" could be spreading lies in order to hurt her husband AND his loved ones? If there's some truth to anything I've said so far, then you need to proceed with caution, as repeating a lie as if it were the truth could be even more damaging to your cousin's emotional well-being.

I don't think it's good to lie to people we care about, even if we mean well. In this case, however, you're not being put in a position where you have to actively lie. You have information that contradicts your cousin's view of her father (and remember, we don't know with absolute certainty that your "aunt" is even telling the truth). If you were to disclose this information, it could do a great deal of harm... just as withholding this information could do a great deal of harm, if she ever finds out you withheld it from her.

I think the best thing you can do in a situation like this one is to determine what would do the least amount of damage to your cousin's emotional well-being, both now and in the future. It also might help to talk to a trusted adult about this dilemma (one that your "aunt" has already talked to), as they might have additional information or another side of the story that would help you determine the best course of action.






   
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Re: Should i tell her? i'm going crazy - January 8th 2014, 01:54 PM

Thank you...but my Uncle was there when she told me and he said that he did.
   
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Re: Should i tell her? i'm going crazy - January 8th 2014, 05:35 PM

I see. Thank you for providing that additional information... it certainly changes my response!

Would you feel safe/comfortable with talking to your uncle one-on-one? If so, then you might want to explain to him that you don't want to lie to your cousin, nor are you comfortable with knowing that your uncle is deceiving your cousin. You can encourage him to tell your cousin the truth, before someone else ends up telling her the truth (either by accident or on purpose).

If your uncle refuses to "come clean" with your cousin, then you'll have to weigh the pros and cons once again. Which is the "lesser of two evils"? What will do the least amount of damage to your cousin's emotional well-being, both now and in the future?






   
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Re: Should i tell her? i'm going crazy - January 8th 2014, 07:12 PM

Thank you once again I'll see if i can talk to him
   
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