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Lindsey98 Offline
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Name: Lindsey
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Helpless - January 20th 2014, 04:24 AM

About 5 months ago my best friends life changed forever. Her sister just died. For two months they never new why. They eventually figured out that she had a heart defect and she just fell off the top bunk while she was at college and died. I remember that day. She had called me at about 1:30 and starting apologizing to me. I had no idea why until she told me. She told me she had cried for hours but not because of her sister but because of me. She told me she was afraid that I would be mad at her because it was my birthday. Earlier that day she texted me while she was in the hospital in a waiting room. Waiting for doctors to give her family anwsers.

Now almost five months after this accident she isn't healing at all. Just this past week we were sitting in class watching a movie and we started talking she vented to me. She's my best friend. We tell each other everything. I know by the end she was ready to burst out into tears. But I know she would never do that not in school because she is strong. And selfless. She wouldn't want to worry her mother anymore. She goes to a therapist. But Friday she told me what happens. She said that she wants to switch therapists. She said that last week she told her therapist that she was a shy person and doesn't open up easily and her therapist told her she was being selfish because she's not sharing the gifts that god gave her. She told me that she has to keep family issues away from her therapist because her mother told her too. She doesn't tell her therapist anything much because she said that her therapist makes her feel insecure because she shoves bible quotes down her throat and that her therapist told her mom information about how she was feeling and her therapist said that she told her mother because it is a health concern. It wasnt. She also doesn't cry often anymore because she says she has to be strong for her family. She's especially frustrated because her older brothers are pushing her away especially since they're quite a but older.

I know that I'm the only one she vents to honestly. But sometimes it's really hard for me. I kno it probably shouldn't be but it's hard to listen to her vent about her problems at home and about her sister that she lost. And I don't think I can help her anymore than I can. It takes an emotional tole on me sometimes. It hurts me when she hurts. Things she's told me. I sometimes put myself in her shoes and I don't know how she copes. I have a sister that is very close in age and she's away and it just eats me away that I have a sister and she now doesn't. I just don't get why these things happen to the kindest most selfless people. I just want my friend to smile more and not have so many burdens on her shoulders. I just want to help her.
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Re: Helpless - January 20th 2014, 10:29 PM

Hello, Lindsey! Your friend is very fortunate to have you as a source of support during this difficult time. =) It doesn't sound like this therapist is a good match for your friend. I know there are therapists of all religious affiliations, and some incorporate their religious beliefs into their professional work. That can be a good thing, if someone with similar religious beliefs wants to see a therapist who incorporates scripture and other religious practices into therapy (e.g., praying for emotional healing); however, in this case, it sounds like your friend doesn't feel comfortable enough to open up to this therapist. When that happens, it's definitely a good idea to look for a new therapist.

Has your friend considered seeing someone who specializes in grief/bereavement? Various hospitals, hospices, and other organizations offer free or low-cost therapy for people who are struggling with a loved one's death. I work in one of those environments, and I know not every mental health professional has training in grief/bereavement support... so it might be in your friend's best interests to seek out someone who 1) is a "match" on a religious/philosophical level, and 2) specializes in grief/bereavement, since that is the presenting issue.

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