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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
gloves123 Offline
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Arrow the right decision? - January 24th 2014, 08:54 PM

So, i wasn't sure where this should go, so feel free to move it.
So anyways, today at lunch, I was sitting with my firneds and they started talking about a girl who we used to hang out with who goes to a different school. They said some kinda mean things, but i'm used to just not getting involved. Then all hell broke lose.
"Yeah, didn't she used to throw up and cut and dumb shit like that?"
That's what a friend of my friends said. they then started talking about it and how she threw up her food after eating and how she cut and would SHOW THEM the wounds after. I tried de railing the convorsation by saying something about exams, but silence fell, then it started up again.
"That's so weird, though! why would someone cut themselves?"
"They think it's a release or something stupid, like seriously, your still feeling pain, whats the point no one cares!"
That's when I shot up from the cafe table, grabbed my backpack and pretty much RAN out of the cafeteria, saying something about needed something from my locker, even though we had 20 minutes to class.
At the time, I felt it was the right thing to do, because the little voice i'm trying to listen to more was saying 'danger, danger, vacate the premisses."
and I knew it was a bad environment for me since i'm recovering from anorexia, bulimic tendencies. and I als have depression and I self harm. I just couldnt stay, but now I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do or the right way to go about it. I'm afraid that they might have kept on talking about it after I left... only directed towards me. I just dont know, do you think i'm being over dramatic?

Last edited by Chris; January 25th 2014 at 10:05 PM. Reason: Moved to Friends and Family forum.
   
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Re: the right decision? - January 24th 2014, 09:33 PM

Hi,

I don't think you are being over dramatic. I'm really sorry your friends said those things, that must've been very triggering and upsetting for you.

You're right, that was a bad environment for you, and I think you did the right thing in leaving. If you hadn't left, chances are your emotions could've gotten the best of you and you might've ended up saying/doing something you would've regretted later.

If I were you, next time I ate lunch with my friends, I would tell them that you felt uncomfortable talking about your friend that way. You don't have to go into detail about you and your recovery, you can keep it simple. If they are your true friends, they will respect you and your request.

I'm glad to hear you are recovering! Continue to stay strong, you can do this.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me!
I hope I helped you.
Good luck!


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Re: the right decision? - January 24th 2014, 10:32 PM

Hey there!

Sorry to hear that this happened to you. As Emery said, I don't think you're being overdramatic at all. Before I changed schools, I heard conversations about that all the time. It might have been good for you to leave that environment so it wouldn't upset you any further. If your friends said anything about you after you left, that is on them and it shows that they may not be your true friends. If they ask anything later on, you could say that you ran into a friend or a teacher in the hallway that wanted to see you for a moment.

People who make remarks about that are uneducated and don't understand about self-harm. it's unfortunate, and mental illness is not something that people raise high awareness about. If you'd like to, you could print out some articles or information to show your friends.

Best of luck.


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Re: the right decision? - January 27th 2014, 08:14 AM

I don't personally think you leaving a setting like that was a bad decision, I aploud you for making that choice, and for not letting your emiotions get the best of you, I konw it is hard and stressful, and talk like that can be very triggering.....Just hang in there.

I do agree with what others have said above, I would get the name of the poster...but I went advanced so.....Anyways, I do think next time you sit down to lunch with them, let them know how them talking like that made you feel, that it was disturbing to you, you don't agree with it and you frankly shouldn't. People talking like that is unexceptable in my opinion, just because they don't understand what one person does or for what reason they do it for doesn't give them a ticket to slander them with remarks like that. It's just plain wrong,


I hope my scrambled thinking has helped in some aspect....I also congratulate you on being 7 days Self harm FREE!!!!! I know it's hard, but you can make it! I have faith in you as a person...stay strong.


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Every darkened night has to give way to light/day. Soon enough things will look up.


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Re: the right decision? - January 30th 2014, 04:31 AM

I don't think you're being dramatic. Hearing something like that can be upsetting.

I can see why you're wondering if you should have said something. However, it's also understandable that you didn't. You weren't feeling well because of what they said and you felt the need to get away. I don't know your situation, but sometimes it can get you more trouble and it's understandable if not everyone can stand up on a chair and speak up.

If you want to say something next time because you feel comfortable with saying something to them about their opinions, you could try to educate them on how those things are genuine problems, not attention-seeking stuff, and that someone who wanted attention and went to those lengths probably had issues as well. Explain to them why it's not funny to make fun of something that causes suffering to others, and which may be caused by things that are also painful, like personal problems or a very negative self-image.

If you think it would work, you can always print out some information for them.

If you don't want to tell them you've experienced it, you can just say that you've read about the subject and that you feel strongly about it (after all, people often feel strongly about causes they're not directly involved in, right?). And if you don't feel able to say anything at all, that's fine too. Sometimes triggering things can be tough to handle.

As to your friends talking behind your back when you stormed out, since you gave an excuse it's unlikely that they thought about it so much. I wouldn't stress out about it. If it turns out that they really are talking behind your back then you really don't want to be friends with someone like that, do you? I don't think it's likely that they've discovered anything, but if they have, then maybe this will get them to reconsider the things they've said.
   
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