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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Ella. Offline
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Angry So angry!! - February 6th 2014, 12:17 PM

After listening to my parents' endless discussions about having money as well as their constant moaning about each other, they've told us they're going away together for a few nights for my dad's birthday!!! I just can't believe it, not long ago (literally a week ago) my mum wanted to leave my dad and she always moans about him and tries to keep away from him when he's home..now they're going away together?! I'm just so angry, pissed off and upset! They just send us mixed messages and put us through all this stress and anxiety because I thought we may have to sell our house because we couldn't afford it and I was worried about university costs...and now they tell us this?! Eugh!!!


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I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
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Re: So angry!! - February 6th 2014, 11:46 PM

I am sorry you are having to deal with this situation with such argumentative parents. In private you could ask your father to argue with your mum out of your hearing because it is grossly unfair your having to listen to it. Then take a quiet moment with your mother and tell her the same.

Unfortunately parents will argue and the mostly it's about money, the lack of. Pressure builds when earnings are never enough to fork out for paying utility bills, and that's before the food gets bought. For parents the constant stress of everyday living never seems to stop. And then your father gets a few days away which I realise seems very unfair after what they have put you through, but it sounds to me as if your mum and dad are trying to make their marriage work.

Their mixed messages are confusing and upsetting, but not uncommon because this happens a lot among married people who are stressed out. While I don't know what else to suggest, you should ask whichever parent you are close to about your future university education. And tell them how much anxiety their situation is putting you through. Keep communications open. I know it's all too easy to feel very angry, I would too in the situation, but anger that simmers does not produce good result. Keep talking to mum and dad, maybe go for a walk with them might help level things down.



   
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Re: So angry!! - February 7th 2014, 02:40 AM

I know it's just so frustrating I don't understand why my mum has just completely contradicted herself...she literally moaned about my dad the day before they booked this holiday and it's not fair on us to send us all these mixed messages all they do is cause us stress and anxiety!! I just don't get where this money is coming from either, I'd said I would pay for all my travel costs and everything because I was worried they couldn't afford it and now they do this? It's like a slap in the face...I'm so confused and pissed off and I don't want to talk to either of them atm! I know that may sound immature but I'm just so angry with them right now.


I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
I feel my heart start beating to my favourite song.
   
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Re: So angry!! - February 9th 2014, 05:43 PM

Perhaps your parents are hoping to resolve their issues while they're away. It's not uncommon for distressed couples to take time off from everything else in order to focus on their relationship (and on each other). I understand that it may seem like your mother is contradicting herself, but perhaps she realized this is one way for her to take a step toward fixing the problems she sees in the relationship. It wouldn't be contradictory if someone apologized after saying they weren't sorry for a long period of time. A person CAN change their tune!

With that being said, I can understand why you would still have questions about the family's financial situation, and why you would be upset about witnessing all the arguing. I think it would be great if you brought up your concerns in a calm manner, when both of your parents are also calm and have ample time to talk with you. It would probably be ideal if both parents were present, but you might also benefit from talking to each of them one-on-one.

When beginning these sorts of conversations, it's not a bad idea to acknowledge what your parents are going through (e.g., relationship problems and financial stress). That way, your parents are aware that you sympathize with them and aren't just thinking about your own needs/wants. Afterward, you can express how all of this makes you feel, and how you'd like to reduce the negative feelings you've been experiencing. That would involve some effort on your parents' part, but you have to take the first step by letting them know how their arguing is affecting you.

Good luck to you and your family members! Feel free to keep us updated on your situation. =)






   
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Re: So angry!! - February 10th 2014, 11:34 AM

Yeah I think my mum has realised she can't afford to leave my dad and move out so she's trying to fix their relationship ...I understand that but it was just a bit of a shock because she literally went from hating him to going away with him! I don't feel as angry about it now, I just feel tired of it all! I really wish I could afford to move out . Because I know that although things may be okay now, something always happens and then our house is full of tension/stress again! Thanks for your advice!


I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
I feel my heart start beating to my favourite song.
   
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