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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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keelover Offline
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She's hot, I'm not - February 8th 2014, 04:10 AM

So I used to have a friend and everytime we were together, guys would ask who my friend is. People always say a winning personality is better, but even when I talked to people and she didn't, they would ask people I know about her. This also happened with someone else I was friends with, but it meant guys would lose interest in me completely to try to get with her. Now I know I don't have a perfect personality, but at least I talked to people. I know not all guys base on looks, but it has been so many guys I guess it just must be the ones here. Of course I can think "there will be a guy out there for me," but after hearing all these things, it really takes a hit. I know I am not hot, but I am considered "decent". Now both these friends have constant requests to be asked out, and no guys even talk to me anymore. The first girl has a steady relationship, and the second girl constantly finds someone new the moment she breaks up and also took all the guys that were interested in me (including my ex while we were dating). What am I supposed to think about that? Was I really that awful and I didn't realize it? Now, whenever they talk about guys, I sort of feel this pit. Especially thinking about how even if I wanted to ask a friend to a school prom or some I don't have any guy friends anymore to ask.
   
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Re: She's hot, I'm not - February 8th 2014, 05:26 AM

Hey there,

Sometimes, feeling inferior because thinking your friend has it better can be painful. However, if this keeps up, it may ruin your self-esteem and your unrecognised potential to be your best self.

You don't need to base yourself on your friend because everyone has gone through different lives and they have different identity. All you need to do is to try challenging yourself to be better each day by doing your best. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so you may think you are awful or "decent", but someone out there thinks you are beautiful, whether you know it or not.

You are beautiful and so worth it. Also, envying your friend is not suggested because it can destroy your friendship and it may destroy yourself as well. You can write something you like about yourself and put it where you are bound to see it everyday. You are you, and you do not need to feel ashamed of yourself just because someone is "higher" than you.

I hope this helps. I apologise if this doesn't, but I have tried my best. I am sorry for not being good at giving advices, but you can talk to me about anything and all I can do is listen to you.




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Re: She's hot, I'm not - February 8th 2014, 03:13 PM

I can completely understand your feelings. When I was in grade 9 this one guy liked me... and I like this other guy... They were both in the same group with me. Then when i went to grade 10 and my BFF was in grade 9 both these guys wanted to date her so bad, she dated the one guy I used to like... She's always had guys chasing after her, she's pretty, she's funny, she's athletic etc.... I know I am also pretty and funny and athletic, but she's more care free and I guess guys like that. I hate how no one pays attention to me where as she practically has a line up of guys waiting for their turn to be with her.... I have several friends who are married, others are in long term relatinships etc and I have been single for like, 4 years now... So of course things like that take a hit on yourself esteem, especially when you genuinely don't understand why her, her and her would get the guy while you get stuck sitting around alone being like "but I'm pretty, funny and interesting too, when is it going to be my turn"...

It's hard not to be jealous or resentful of those friends. It's understandable.... Especially with a friend like yours where you always feel like you're standing in her shadow. And if I am being perfectly honest it's not like you can change that reality, it's not like you can blame her for the guys reaction to her, and it's not like you can complain to every guy about it either. You just have to try to be ok with it, you know there's nothing wrong with you and that has to be good enough.

Lots of young guys only go for a very strict narrow vision of the kind of girl they want and it most likely has less to do with you than you think. It'll be ok in the long run




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: She's hot, I'm not - February 22nd 2014, 02:50 PM

HI

I think you should stop comparing yourself with your friends. I know that it feels good to have someone like you. But tell you what, you don't need a lot of boys to like you, you just need one, and that one special guy is going to change your life. he's gonna make you smile and giggle all the time Wait for that special someone. Good things happen to those who are patient

You are not awful you really seem nice Stop thinking bad about yourself Most guys don't really know the difference between what they WANT and what they NEED
   
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