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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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THE FAPMAN Offline
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Family issues? O_o - February 16th 2014, 09:08 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Right. I usually dont give away this much informaton but fuck it.
So, lately Ive been distanced with my parents (which is quite remarkable considering when we are "close" we talk about once a week), and my mum is sad and keeps asking whats wrong and all that shit mums ask when they think you use drugs (which i do but thats not the subject). The problem is, nothing is wrong. Well except that im losing the last ounce of nerves i had with my dad, who btw has PTSD. How lovely, eh?
So, since my dad is making my life worse because i dont "fit in" in his world, and since my mum is sad and stuffs, whats the best strategy to a remotely happy ending? Do i pretend im ok and lose more nerves with my old man and my mum or do i keep doing what im doing now (which i dont have a clue what i am doing, im guessing something unexpected). Basically, i never had a relationship with my family. I mean, we talked and stuffs, but if you would ask them what do they know about me that they have found out from me in the last three years the list would be pretty damn short.
So, anyone has an idea?
And sorry if i dont respond, i DO read the messages, i either dont feel comfortable or dont have time to respond. And i like never send PM/VMs first so yeah, sorry if thats a bummer...
Ugh i got distracted (thats my ADHD talking now), back on track:
What do I do?
Also, if this is helpful, i suprress about 90% of my emotions and my only vent out was gaming, which i no longer has access to because im grounded.

Sorry for the rant guys. Im not expecting answers, but I'd be glad if someone puts down some facts...
   
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Re: Family issues? O_o - February 18th 2014, 06:53 AM

Hey there.

I'm sorry to hear about your family situation. I can relate to not being close with members of my family. When I lived with my parents, it was a constant struggle to find a way to be close to them. I rearranged my life, joined groups, joined clubs, helped out around the house, etc just to be recognized, and just to create a bond with them. It was a struggle. As the years went on and this took a bigger toll on my health (both mental and physical), I began to let that idea go. I gave up on trying to have a functional family, and I gave up on the idea of having a successful (and healthy) relationship with my parents. However once I had let go of the idea, months and years after that I noticed that the relationship had become to develope; that I viewed things in a different light, with different meaning. Which leads me to today. My mother and I don't have a very good relationship at this point, however my father and I do. Also, my siblings and I are extremely close, and though we live in different states now, we talk on a daily basis.

The one thing that assisted me in creating relationships with my family members? Time. I let it be and I stopped forcing it. Being young (1-17 years of age), your parents assume the authority role, and frankly, they don't always seem to view you as adult, and they don't give you the time of day. But as you get older, they realize there time with you is limited. College is closing in, getting a career and moving out is in the near future. Starting your own family, with your own memories is lurking behind the futures' walls. They see this, and they open up the door for relationships; for good times. My advice is simple, but may not be extremely useful: give it time.

Keep pushing on, stay strong, continue to keep your door open for a successful/healthy relationship to form, and someday in the near future you may be happy with the outcome.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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