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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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keelover Offline
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why is it so hard to let go? - February 27th 2014, 03:05 AM

My friendship with my "best friend" is dead. I know it, and everyone around me knows it, but why is it so hard for me to just say enough isenough. She used me, and she only contacts me when she needs something. I never get a text or a call lr anything. We fought about it twice already. Technically, it is only me fighting. She doesn't care. I tell her it is done and shesays "well if that is your de ision" she doesn't even fight for it. Once she tells me she is sorry and she will try, it is only to protect her assets (I give her rides and am supposed to be her roommate in college). She never does try though. When I told her we couldn't be roommates and we weren't really friends, I told her she could still have a ride to school if she wanted. She said "I didn't think that was a question. We always act like nothing happened the next day". That pissed me off to no end because that is what she acts like not me. She pretends it never happened and goes back to the same thing and then acts all surprised when I get upset. It doesn't mean anything to her, but I always end up "forgiving" her because I can't admit to myself that I really have no friends. I havean old friend who tries to be friends but it is very artificial. We don't understand or agree about anything. My "best friend" was toxic, but whe can't I just let the friendship go? I know that she won't change, but I wish she would. I am friends with the idea of what she could be and not with her. It hurts me more to pretend we are friends than to say we are done, but I always let her back in. I just can't take it anymore to pretend we are friends, but I also can't admit to myself that I truely don't have any!
   
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Re: why is it so hard to let go? - February 27th 2014, 03:16 AM

Hey there,

I think it's because of what you said: You're holding onto the idea of what she could be. It may also be at least partially because of any positive memories you DO have with her. It's really difficult to let go sometimes and move on from a friendship, because we always think of friendships as things that last forever and shouldn't end up like what you described. However, the sad truth is that sometimes friendships don't last or aren't as good as we thought.

Letting go takes time, so you have to give yourself that. It took me a while to let go of a friend I had because it took me everything I had not to remember the fun times and not to view things like her Twitter page. For you, if possible, it may be best not to view her profiles on social networking sites either so you don't have the reminder.

It may also help to do things that get your mind off of her. One thing you can do is join clubs and social groups so you make new friends who have common interests, as well as focusing on school and family, or hobbies, clubs, and sports you like. That way you'll at least have fun!

Try and do things to express your emotions and take care of yourself as well. Writing, art, and music are all great ways to express what you are feeling, and exercise is a good way to get out what is built up inside. Or, just find ways to relax! Take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, paint your nails, or eat your favorite goodies.

Time will make this easier, but you do have to try and cut ties with her for it to work.

-Dez


   
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Re: why is it so hard to let go? - February 27th 2014, 07:18 AM

maybe you should let her go for a few days and try to find more friends , just talk to few people and just be you as much as you can possibly be ,you might be liked by some and they might talk to you, you cant force her to be your friend, if she is just using you ,may be you should avoid her for sometime , try finding friends and finally she might come to you again for some help and then you might explain her at that time what you where going through , until then you need to find friends it isn't easy but its not that difficult IF ONE DOOR CLOSES THE OTHER MIGHT EVENTUALLY OPEN , be calm

Last edited by sruthi mohan; February 27th 2014 at 02:25 PM.
   
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Re: why is it so hard to let go? - February 27th 2014, 10:48 AM

You can take this in two ways. Firstly, take this as a lesson and go forward with your life and decisions without your best friend. Secondly, whatever you have written, say all these feeling directly to your friend and on that reaction take your decision whether you want to be with your friend or not.
   
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