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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Wolfz Offline
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Unhappy My best friend leaves me alone.. - February 28th 2014, 03:37 PM

That goes a long time now and I know that this is my 2nd thread here already.

That is basically going on for about 1 or 2 years and I don't feel good anymore by just keeping it in.
So, yesterday my best friend broke up with her boyfriend and I tried to make her feel better and got her advice as much as she needed. So I did that and everybody went to her too.
I am just annoyed of everybody being around my best friend and trying to cheer her up again.
I also feel so lonely in school because my best friend is literally leaving me alone.
This and last school year she literally got to the 'known' people in my school.
I am not and I never want to be one of those! They are bad to others and I know that they hate me because they don't talk to me and just leave me.
So a friend of my best friend is in there too.
She doesn't like me and I think my best friend got to those people too.
She'd leave me alone or stop listening to me and instead talk to others if I need help.
I find it annoying and I already told her that I feel so lonely because she is always around her other 'known' friends.
I knew that she wanted to be one of those.
But I didn't know that she'd leave me alone for them!
She literally also got to one of them.. She is wearing other boys clothes, she has other friends now.
And when she asked me if it's ok that she hangs up with them (she actually did that a long time ago) I'd say yes but feel bad anyways.
And I always do that. I'd rather hurt myself than seeing (whoever it is) somebody in school sad or depressed.
My best friend leaves me alone and I can't go to school anymore without feeling depressed.
I told her a few times now but it seems like everything I tell or ask her is useless.. I feel like I lost my best friend forever..
She was so nice and funny when I used to be with her but that changed when she got other friends and always was with them.. that began like 3 years ago.
I had 2 years with her.. two funny and nice years..
Now she only comes to me when she herself has problems and then I just feel like I am not allowed to talk anymore.. I feel like she only needs me when she needs to get cheered up..
I don't have other friends in school..
Also I am quite annoyed of everybody being around her just because she broke up.. I mean I understand it.. but I never really get recognized and she always.. Nobody in school knows how bad I really am because I can hide that quite good but since this school year, even I can't hide myself anymore.. Nobody in school cares anyways..

Last edited by Wolfz; February 28th 2014 at 08:31 PM.
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PSY Offline
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Re: My best friend leaves me alone.. - March 3rd 2014, 04:50 AM

Hello, Julia! I can relate to what you're going through. People can change in drastic ways while they're growing up. They may develop different interests, create a different lifestyle, or even adopt a different personality. Unfortunately, that can lead to friendships becoming strained, and at some point, there may no longer be enough to hold a friendship together, because the two people are so different.

It sounds like your friend has made some choices that have led to your friendship becoming strained. You could spend all your time second-guessing your decisions ("What if I had done ___________? What if I had said ___________?"), and you could also spend all your time blaming your friend for the state of your friendship... but I've found that neither approach is terribly helpful.

You're currently 15 years old. You met your friend a number of years ago. Would you say that you're the same person you are now that you were 2-3 years ago? Probably not, because you're no longer a child. You're a teenager now, and you're slowly becoming an adult. The same thing is happening with your friend. You may not agree with the path she's taking, but what's done is done. The only thing you have control over now is how you're going to respond to the situation. Will you sulk and isolate yourself, or will you learn from this experience and befriend other people?

It doesn't sound like this friendship is healthy anymore, and your friend is just turning to you when she wants someone to offer sympathy. The next time she does that, you might want to encourage her to seek out her "closer" friends. There are ways to gently establish boundaries with people like your friend, without being rude and stating that they've been "using" you. In the meantime, I encourage you to start talking to people you're not familiar with. I met one of my best friends when I started a conversation with her out of the blue. Seriously, it was out of the blue! I asked her if she liked a movie/book series, and once we started talking, we realized we had a lot in common. You have the power to find people who will brighten up your day... and you have the power to avoid people who will do the opposite. Never trick yourself into believing you're powerless in that regard! =)

Good luck, and feel free to keep us updated on your situation!

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Ryanviola Offline
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Re: My best friend leaves me alone.. - March 7th 2014, 09:09 AM

Whatever you mentioned in this post simply forward it to your best friend and share your feelings that what you feel in his absence. And try to manage it and mix with her soon as possible. Be expressive then it will be helpful for you in friendship always.
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