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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Why? - March 6th 2014, 12:01 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mother and I aren't exactly seeing eye to eye right now.

Here's the thing. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks due to my self harm and suicidal thoughts, I literally wanted to die. I am taking a torts class this semester at college and I failed my midterm because I was in the hospital and missed a lot of lecturing from my professor. My mom believes that it is my fault I failed because it was my fault I was in the hospital when it really wasn't . I'm really upset about this - I mean, it doesn't feel like she cares and she is just being an absolute b-word about it. Why is she like this? She is one of those people that don't believe in mental health.

Please help, I don't know if it was really my fault I failed or not, I'm just lost.


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Re: Why? - March 6th 2014, 12:04 AM

It's definitely not your fault! My mom is totally the same way though. Sometimes parents and well, people in general, don't understand mental health, and instead of trying to understand it, they just react negatively because they don't know any better. Does that make it right? No, but sometimes it is hard to change people's opinions. My mom doesn't understand and thinks it's all attention-seeking for me.

Or maybe your mom is in denial as to what really is going on. Sometimes people act negatively when they are in denial over something such as this. I don't think she doesn't care about you, but she may not know any other way to act.

Remember that no matter what though there WILL be people who understand that this isn't your fault or some made up thing, and WILL be there to support you.


   
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Re: Why? - March 12th 2014, 10:14 PM

Hey, there.

As Dez said, it's definitely not your fault. Unfortunately, many people still don't believe in mental health, nor the severity that it carries. Also, typically parents are the holders of such beliefs, which makes bad situations even worse. I wish it would be easy to educate and make people believe (and understand) such issues that a lot of young people are going through, but that's unfortunately unrealistic. I digress, the point is, this isn't your fault.

The only option I see here is making your counselor (or mental health professional) aware of your mothers beliefs (or lack thereof) and ask them to explain/educate them on this subject. I find (and research shows) that people are much more likely to listen to adults who hold authority and extensive knowledge in their field (i.e., lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc).

I hope your mother will eventually be able to stand next to you, instead of behind you.


Best wishes,
Chris


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Re: Why? - March 13th 2014, 07:47 PM

Hey there,
It's definitely not your fault. You weren't feeling well and couldn't attend the test. Mental illness is like a physical illness, nobody would openly blame you if you had to stay in the hospital due to an injury or physical disease you'd been diagnosed with.

Maybe talking to your mother would help. Talk to her about why she believes this and why she views your issues in that light. It could be helpful to print out or e-mail her some resources on the stigma on mental illness.

It could also be helpful to have someone whose authority and knowledge she respects talk to her about it, such as a doctor or counsellor who will be supportive of you and can explain to her some of the most common misconceptions about mental illness. It may be easier for her to listen if she hears it from someone she acknowledges as being an expert in the matter and who she sees as a fellow adult.

If nothing convinces her, then focus on getting better and try to ignore that the best you can. It's unlikely that she'll still care so much about a failed class in one year, or five, or ten, and if she does hopefully you'll have many other good things to point out to her.


   
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Re: Why? - March 13th 2014, 08:51 PM

Hi there, this isn't your fault at all. My mother is the same way, she doesn't believe me when I say I am depressed and she just laughs at me as if I am a nutter. Your mother should be supportive of you, I suggest you sit her down and have a chat with her about how you are feeling and about how she is treating. Good luck with everything and I hope you feel bettwe soon.

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