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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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rac146 Offline
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Name: Ruth
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Question My friends are really mad at me - March 15th 2014, 01:20 AM

Two of my friend who I considered really good friends are mad at me and ignoring me and I'm really upset about it. I mean, I may be overreacting, but my anxiety is acting up because of it. I feel nauseous and start shaking when I think about it. The situation is this:

We went to an anime convention last weekend. My boyfriend was driving everyone. I told my friends the night before (they are dating and live together) we would be leaving my house around 8:45 to start picking people up, and we'd probably be at their house at around 9:30. An extra person ended up needing a ride, so even though we left my house at 8:45 we were late going to their house. They called me really upset, saying they were going to ride with someone else and meet us there. I said that was fine. They called again when they got there, saying the con couldn't find their preregistration badges and that it was my problem because I sent in the form. I had picked up my badge with no issue so I had no idea. They ended up finding them, the day continued. We split up so we could all do what we wanted for various activities. They were mad again later because they wanted to go get food and I was in a workshop. Then they wanted to leave and they couldn't go with their ride because of them left their jacket in my bf's car. I had just gotten into the vendors market (which there was along line for) so I looked around first which made them pissy. Finally, they wanted to go back for the rave at 11 but my bf was tired and it would be alot of driving to go pick everyone up and bring everyone home again so he said no. Since then, they won't talk to me, been ignoring my texts and calls and were bad mouthing me to mutual friends.

I really feel like shit because a lot of what happened was out of my control. I asked them if everything was ok and they won't talk to me or anything. They are having a party tmm which I am still planning on going to. My bf says I should act like I don't care or don't know they are mad at the party and they'll probably follow suit, and if they are really friends they'll get over it.

But I'm worried about it because I'm socially awkward and I don't have alot of friends so they mean alot to me. I don't want to lose some of the only friends I have. We have had our little disagreements in the past but they have never outright ignored me. I've been friends with the couple 6 years and 4 years, if it matters. What should I do? They won't even answer my txts when I asked about what I should bring to the party, which makes me feel like I shouldn't even go. I don't know

Look a rattata!!!!
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Re: My friends are really mad at me - March 17th 2014, 01:37 AM

Hey, Ruth! Did you end up going to the party? If so, how did it go? Have there been any changes with your friends?

I'm sorry they're treating you this way. It sounds like the experience was very frustrating/stressful for them, so that could be why they're not speaking to you. I know a lot of what happened wasn't your fault, but right now, they may be too upset to think logically about the situation.

If these are friends worth keeping, then I would continue to send them invitations to hang out. If they accept, then that's probably a good sign. If they don't accept, then at least you can continue to demonstrate to them (and outside observers) that you're making the effort to keep the friendship in tact.

With regard to your boyfriend's suggestion, I wouldn't act as if you don't care... but it might not be a bad idea to avoid bringing up the subject unless they bring it up first. Let your actions speak for you (e.g., inviting them to hang out). I don't think finding more ways to apologize is the right approach to take - in fact, it could fuel their anger and lead them to believe you were completely in the wrong. It could also suggest to outside observers that you're "guilty" of something when you're really not.

I wish you all the best, and hope these friendships won't end over something that can be resolved so easily (if your friends are willing to get over the situation)!

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