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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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JeSuisIngenue Offline
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Unhappy Stubborn parent??? - March 16th 2014, 04:55 PM

My Mother is struggling with many mental and health-related issues, (nothing life threatening) and due to her violent and irrational behavior I moved out of her house and into my Dad's about a year ago.

(I was very unhappy living with her. She would be almost perpetually drunk and would yell at me 24/7.)

Except I didn't bring anything with me. And after Dad got custody I asked my Mother for all my stuff but she ignored me.
I mean, I got my laptop back at least, so I could finally do schoolwork. Except it was completely wiped and reset. (Say goodbye to all my old pictures and information.)
She said it must have been when she took the battery out, but I've done that hundreds of times. Really not even a good lie.
Anyway, last week she said she would give me my stuff back because she's moving- where? I don't know.
However, when I asked to change the meeting time from 2:00 to 8:00 she suddenly canceled on me and said "I don't trust you or your father. I don't want to see either of you. No, I'd rather save your stuff."

Which is strange because she's lied more to my dad and i than anyone I know. She lies like she breathes. And she doesn't trust US?????

Honestly, I need advice. Does anyone know what to do in a situation like this?
Do I talk calmly and try to appeal to her? Or do I tell her firmly that I want my things back?

Obviously I can't force her to do anything.

Please help me.
   
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Re: Stubborn parent??? - March 17th 2014, 08:25 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation with your mother. My former stepmother struggled with bipolar disorder. She probably had an underlying personality disorder on top of that, because even when she took her medication as instructed, she was a "difficult" person. Over the course of time, I learned that it was best to be sickly sweet toward her and to use a great deal of flattery/praise if I wanted to avoid angry outbursts. I didn't enjoy "sucking up" to her, but the alternative was dealing with an adult-sized temper tantrum, complete with her breaking things.

You've known your mother for your whole life, so you must have an idea of what works with her. I suggest taking the approach that is most likely to get you what you need/want. "Bite the bullet," even if it means acting in a way that isn't genuine. Keep the end goal in mind: you need your things back. Once you've accomplished that goal, do whatever you feel is best with regard to your relationship with your mother. Unfortunately, as you already know, there isn't anything you can say or do to make her get help for her mental health/addiction issues. Hopefully, as time passes, she'll make better decisions and seek treatment... but until then, you need to think about your own mental well-being.

If you ever want to talk to someone about what's going on, feel free to privately message me! Otherwise, feel free to keep us updated on your situation through this thread. I wish you all the best!






   
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